The Art Of NC , To Block Or Not To Block?

[TooMuchPride]

ahhh yes, the "getting him back " thing just wasnt working for me so...i guess ill just have to get over the breakup like normal people -.-

 

im going back to NC ,The longest i was able to go was 3 weeks , this time i plan to do it till im over it , its been about 1 month n 3 weeks since we broke up and we talked on and off during it , and now we are back on OFF

 

When going NC is it better to block your ex off completely so they cant text, cal , email , message u , fb u , even if they wanted too?(dont think they will regardless)

 

or leaving those areas open are ok?

 

when blocking it gives more control and stops u from looking at your email every too seconds waiting for something to happen , but it also gives you the what if feeling

 

 

but is leaving it open more dangerous? and make su more depressed when your ex says nothing?

 

do u think its smarter for me to block everything?

[TaraMaiden]

Smarter? Definitely.

Everything? Ditto.

[McGrupp]

i used to think about this a lot.

 

over think it actually. finally i blocked them, not for them...but for me. so i wouldnt check me email awaiting a reply or a facebook message or anything.

 

i figure if she had any instinct to contact me, she could call me. i havent changed my number.

 

or she could fbook my sisters, or who knows. there still so many ways for her to contact me...

 

so blocking them on fbook and email, and even on your phone...might be a good move.

[TLH]

Block him, erase his numbers and all his contact information. If he wants you back he will find a way to reach you. But that is not your concern right now. What he is doing/will do/wants to do is no longer your responsibility or concern. Right now you need to move on and heal yourself. Accept that it is over forever. Accept that you are empty and lonely. Accept that these feelings are TEMPORARY. And CHOOSE to stop looking back and focus on moving forward. All it takes is a choice. And when you accept and make a choice, your life will move forward towards beautiful experiences that build confidence and self esteem. Move towards falling in love with yourself. Nothing is more beautiful or ATTRACTIVE to the opposite sex than a person who is capable of being alone (and is completely blissful in the process), is fearless, and knows what he/she wants. Strive to become this person. It is the only thing that you can control.

 

And when you least expect it, the love that you have for yourself with be beautifully complemented by another individual. And at that point you will look back and realize how this breakup has led you towards this perfect life, and you will be THANKFUL for the whole experience.

 

But first, you must end all contact. Go completely NC. To him, you no longer exist. And to you, he no longer exists. End of story. This is the only way to complete healing in the shortest amount of time.

[Thebob]

Block him, erase his numbers and all his contact information. If he wants you back he will find a way to reach you. But that is not your concern right now. What he is doing/will do/wants to do is no longer your responsibility or concern. Right now you need to move on and heal yourself. Accept that it is over forever. Accept that you are empty and lonely. Accept that these feelings are TEMPORARY. And CHOOSE to stop looking back and focus on moving forward. All it takes is a choice. And when you accept and make a choice, your life will move forward towards beautiful experiences that build confidence and self esteem. Move towards falling in love with yourself. Nothing is more beautiful or ATTRACTIVE to the opposite sex than a person who is capable of being alone (and is completely blissful in the process), is fearless, and knows what he/she wants. Strive to become this person. It is the only thing that you can control.

 

And when you least expect it, the love that you have for yourself with be beautifully complemented by another individual. And at that point you will look back and realize how this breakup has led you towards this perfect life, and you will be THANKFUL for the whole experience.

 

But first, you must end all contact. Go completely NC. To him, you no longer exist. And to you, he no longer exists. End of story. This is the only way to complete healing in the shortest amount of time.

 

Man I completely agree with this assessment, I honestly was shocked that someone actually typed this cause it's so true and I feel that it's already happening to me. My last relationship ended in September and it led me to the life I live now. After I broke it off completely with her, I had the balls to ask her friend when we weren't talking anymore where the best place to live is since I was new to the area and I needed to know where all the college kids were at since im a college student.. In my head maybe I was meant to break it off with my ex so I could talk to my ex's friend who told me where to live and now my life is changing for the better. I got lucky with a cool roommate when I joined the apartment randomly who gave me the friends that I have now which I cannot be thankful enough for. Then finally going to a University with many great contacts that I have while my life is changing every day with my great job. Some girl will come along that will see my advances and how I am doing great for myself and will want to be apart of it and I will want to be apart of hers. Great inspirational post man. Good stuff.

 

Thebob

Edited April 17, 2010 by Thebob

[TLH]

Hey TheBob!

 

I'm so glad things are working out for you! It gives all of us a lot of hope.

 

And just so you know, that post was written by a WOman ;-)

[TLH]

One more thing Bob-

 

How long was your relationship? How long since the breakup? And what strategies did you use to occupy your free time?

 

I think that it would be nice to hear some tips from someone who is doing so well now.

 

Thanks and keep livin it up!

[CaliGuy]

ahhh yes, the "getting him back " thing just wasnt working for me so...i guess ill just have to get over the breakup like normal people -.-

 

im going back to NC ,The longest i was able to go was 3 weeks , this time i plan to do it till im over it , its been about 1 month n 3 weeks since we broke up and we talked on and off during it , and now we are back on OFF

 

When going NC is it better to block your ex off completely so they cant text, cal , email , message u , fb u , even if they wanted too?(dont think they will regardless)

 

or leaving those areas open are ok?

 

when blocking it gives more control and stops u from looking at your email every too seconds waiting for something to happen , but it also gives you the what if feeling

 

 

but is leaving it open more dangerous? and make su more depressed when your ex says nothing?

 

do u think its smarter for me to block everything?

 

I think it's smart but read my threads on this if you want more information. They are posted on my signature file...

[USMCHokie]

Block, FTW.

[Thebob]

One more thing Bob-

 

How long was your relationship? How long since the breakup? And what strategies did you use to occupy your free time?

 

I think that it would be nice to hear some tips from someone who is doing so well now.

 

Thanks and keep livin it up!

 

Please don't laugh when I write this cause it might make me sound attached and crazy but trust me I am not.

 

Relationship length was= 2 months (due to distance)

 

Since the breakup= Mid September

 

Why I was attached to this girl= I have hooked up with a lot of girls but never had sex with any of them because they weren't the right girls for me until I met this one. I moved down to a new state not knowing many people at all, then finally my buddies flew down to visit and they invited these girls over that they knew and I ended up kicking it off with the one greatly. She was a different girl (So I thought) and we started dating and spending every moment together until she went back to school. I actually lost my v-card to her cause it felt right and I never had a connection with a girl like her before. Maybe I felt we had a connection because i didn't know a lot of people and she was pretty much the only person i really hung out with. It was so hard for me when she left cause i would talk to her all the time, then 2 weeks when she was gone things just weren't working out and I decided to end it for the better. She wanted to be with me but she wanted random hookup nights at school since I'm not there and she fibbed about a couple things that she told me but I really couldn't blame her since were 5 states away and she didn't want to hurt me. So I thought It would have been better for me and her overall if we didn't try anymore, then 1.5 months later she had a boyfriend and I was absolutely crushed, cause all I could remember was her crying in my arms before she left for school, and so soon after breaking it off she had a new boyfriend.

 

Coping methods= I took it really hard, I had a great support staff like my mother, sister, and friends who helped me out. I wanted to call her so many times but I knew I couldn't and it crushed me. Then One day I sent a text and I felt like an absolute retard about it. Then I realized I needed to move out of one of my parents homes and get an apartment with some guys and start meeting people down here and that is when I asked my Ex's best friend where the best place to live is. And now I can't ever regret ever asking her friend that even though her friend probably told her that I asked her where to move to. Meeting new people, talking to friends, trying to go out and have fun allowed me to keep my mind of her to an extent but till this day I still think about her a lot and I wonder if she'll contact me when she is back home this summer. She has attempted to but I've ignored most of her attempts just because she has a new boyfriend and there is no point or her to be contacting me. We'll see though, I kind of hope she doesn't just because I don't want any of my healed wounds to rip open again. But yea I kept myself occupied, talked to my family, went out with buddies to the bars, met 2 other great girls that fell out to the same distant issues and it helped me get my mind of my ex. Hopefully this lengthy post helps.

 

Thebob

[Ilovecake]

I went both ways, there was the blocking and the unblocking, however I did see my ex online a lot and it just started to hurt to read about his new life or rather my old life he was living with someone else. For my own sanity I blocked him so I wouldn't be temped to read things that only hurt me. Of course the curiosity got the best of me and I unblocked him. He sent me a private message on a forum we both posted on and I erased it without reading it. That for some reason really got to him and he started to follow me around just saying stuff that he knew would upset me so out of necessity I blocked every possible way he could reach me. I'm all for blocking if you're ready to let go. The less exposure or hope of a connection you have the easier it will be to separate from your ex. The most important thing is to not have them in your life at all, including in a hopeful way that they might try and reach you. If they are blocked then you're not sitting around wondering why they're not trying to reach out to you, they simply can't because you made that choice and that feels a lot better than wondering what they're thinking. They have to start becoming a stranger to you or you'll keep holding on. If you have no choice but to let them go then you’re more likely to, if you give yourself permission to look at his myspace or facebook once in a while then you’re still keeping them in your life and perpetuating the pain.