New here- all encouragement greatly appreciated :-)

[TLH]

Hello everyone,

 

First I would like to say THANK YOU so much for making this little online community a reality. A 6 year relationship ended this past Sunday night, and reading about all of your experiences is definitely a great distraction as well as extremely therapeutic. So as an introduction, I would really like to share my story. I apologize if it turns out to be lengthy.

 

My ex and I began our relationship sophomore year of high school. This turned into us going to the same university. He was my first love, and being so young we got very attached and were very co-dependent. This co-dependency which usually results in jealousy, speculations, and a lack of trust caught up with us 4.5 years later. At the beginning of junior year of college, we decided to call it quits. And this was a very nasty breakup. I yelled, cried, begged, yelled some more, accused, etc. I just did not know how to deal or cope. And I did not know that resources such as this existed. I did not know how to exist by myself. Because we started dating so young, I easily gave up my identity and my life revolved around this guy. And I know he did the same. So while the break up was excruciating for the both of us, my ex went NC. I must say that he is a very fair, honest, and logical person. He never wants to do harm. He just wants to do what is best. He has always been this way and will always continue to be this way. So the fact that went NC and began the healing process did not surprise me. But because I was so hurt and didn't know how to cope, I got angry. I didn't know how to be alone, and instead of realizing that it is something I need to learn and that it's okay to be single, Empowering even, I tried to replace him. I ended up in a rebound relationship which ,not surprisingly, ended up in shambles. I was left in a state of panic. So of course, I try to get my ex back. And I did. We got back together 3 months after our breakup. However it was very rocky. He could not forgive me for my rebound relationship and the pain that it caused him (I guess he never went completely NC cause he still checked my FB). We both had changed, and knew that this time, the relationship was different. However we were able to keep it going for another 1.5 years. During this whole time, I knew that we were not meant to be together. It didn't feel right. We no longer talked of the future and our interests grew further and further apart. As wonderful as he was, he was very unmotivated in school and in life. He was lazy. And this to me was unattractive. I knew that this would not last. And just this past Sunday, it happened. He broke up with me. It was very peaceful, very sentimental, and very loving. We both knew that it was time and there was nothing but love through the whole process. And this is what makes it so hard. I cant be mad at him. He did nothing wrong and neither did I. The relationship was just expired.

 

I want to heal this time. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did the first breakup. And I feel that I can do this. I contacted him yesterday after going 3 days NC just to see what he wanted to do about the stuff we had at each others places. We decided that we would wait until the wounds weren't so fresh, and both agreed that NC is the best way to go. Since then I have completely deactivated my facebook, and deleted all his contact information. It's not that he had started to put anything hurtful on FB, I just found myself looking at his profile constantly and knew that this wasn't ok. I'm in a lot of pain. I miss him. I miss having someone wake up next to me. I miss talking to him everyday. And I miss knowing that I have lost a best friend, because I know that a friendship is impossible at this point (if ever). I am hurt. I am emotional. I feel alone and empty. But I know that it over. And that is okay.

 

There are things that I get angry about, and I am currently working through that. During our breakup conversation, he told me that he had been preparing himself for this for the past 2 months. And he thought that I knew this (looking back now, I do see all the warning signs), but it still took me by surprise. So he has had 2 months to detach himself from the situation and prepare mentally. I get angry thinking about how unfair this is and loathing him because he is "ahead" of me in the healing process and is able to go out and be okay. But I know that it's unfair for me to be angry because I knew that this was going to end. And healing is not a competition. It just is.

 

It's only been 5 days and I think that I am handling it well. I am past the facing it and acceptance part. I think that I went through this during the last few months of our relationship. I knew it wasn't going to work. I knew he wasn't the one for me. And I had accepted it. I just didn't know when it was going to end. I was scared. And I still am.

 

I am hurting. I feel like I will never find anyone else (I know this is FALSE! But the thought does creep in). I don't know how to be without him. I don't know how to be single.

 

I want to regain myself and fall in love with myself. I want to heal. Properly. But I have never been through this kind of breakup so I don't know how to do that. So please guys, all of your insights, suggestions, and encouragement will be very helpful. This will be the first weekend that I will spend alone, and I am scared.. I need to be strong.

 

I will be graduating from college in 9 weeks and really want to feel positive and confident about my future. But I need some encouragement because this really hurts. Being with him is all I have known for ~30% of my life. And he holds a huge part of my heart. I just don't know how to let that go. I feel broken.

 

Thank you for reading. And thank you for helping.

[Odyssey]

Sounds like my 1st relationship...

 

...Be together for awhile.

Know you're gonna be together forever.

Think you're gonna be together forever.

Assume you're gonna be together forever.

Start to wonder, if you're gonna be together forever.

Have sex less often.

Wonder if you're drifting apart.

Have a trivial argument.

Have an insane argument that you can never really figure out what it was about.

Know for a fact, you're drifting apart.

Breakup!

 

Start to hate being alone.

Start to really hate being alone.

Start to really, really, totally, and absolutely hate being alone.

Then decide its time to learn how to be alone!

 

 

Here you might wanna read Caliguy's posts about NC...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/

 

Hopefully you'll do better this time round. Take care of yourself