Arabella Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 For those who don't know the story... our relationship ended mainly due to his drug addiction and mental illness. He was very cruel to me for a while and we stopped talking for a couple months, but eventually apologized and started talking again. We're still very much in love with each other. We've talked about reconciliation and such, but nothing has happened so far. At one point he told me he had become involved with a girl briefly during the time we hadn't been talking. I suspected it, but I didn't care. I admitted to him that I'd also been with someone. So last week we had a fight and he threw it to my face that I had slept with someone else, and tried to make me feel guilty for it. I mentioned the fact that he had been with this other girl too, and he said that he never slept with her. I was like... so? WTH? He ended the relationship and said some of the most horrible and cruel things to me. Why does he feel he has the moral high ground on me? It's been a week and it's still bugging me. He somehow succeeded in making me feel guilty and I don't know why I feel like I somehow betrayed him, but did I? Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Hey Arabella. I haven't been up-to-date on your situation since you two broke up. So you're back together again (anything changed)? I gotta say, he is wrong to use that against you - fact. he's such a drama queen sometimes...such a hypocrite...how old is this dude? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 (edited) Hey Odyssey... We're not even together! At one point, he stated that he wanted to fix things but nothing has really happened because he feels he's too messed up to be in a relationship at the time. Which is true... his issues have worsened since we broke up. He's become addicted to a pain killer. I keep in touch because I still care about him. As it turns out, we're both moving to the same state in a few weeks. I guess I'm just hoping once we can see each other regularly, something will change (for good or for bad). I guess I'm just bothered by the fact that even though he dumped me, he still holds me accountable for what I did in the mean time, like I was supposed to be loyal to him regardless when he's the one who told me to go ahead and move on. He IS such a drama queen *Sigh* He's 22 years old btw. Arabella Edited April 15, 2010 by Arabella Adding info! Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 i know you care, but there's only so much you can do. When all is said and done, i still think it's up to him to fix himself though. Is he still being stubborn? Is he letting people help him now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 Up to a few days ago, he hadn't even admitted he had an addiction problem. He used to blame me (of all people) for things not working the way he wanted them to in his life. It's been a long process but he's come to realize the reality of his situation. He's still not letting anyone help him, but a couple of days ago he literally said to me: "I need to accept that I have an addiction and stop pushing away the people that care about me". I guess that's progress. I can't honestly see myself with him right now (he really has nothing to offer me) but I do want to be there for him when he finally comes around and asks for help. Maybe one day he'll be in a position to really talk reconciliation, but that's not going to be anytime soon. Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
CleverName Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Hi Arabella, There are so many facets to being involved with an addict; way too many to cover here. I was married to one for 13 years and went to every imaginable group trying to fix things. It never worked because he didn't do any of the work, I did it all. I had to get out of the marriage because living a life of waiting for the other shoe to drop was just too much. I am much happier now that I don't have to worry if someone is 'too happy today' or not. They aren't thinking straight. You cannot let yourself feel guilty. You did not cheat; you were a free person and did what you wanted to. Know that and let yourself be happy. It is not your problem to solve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 CleverName, I know what you mean. During the time we weren't talking, I was heartbroken and hurting like hell, but there was also a huge relief factor that it was finally over and I did not have to put up with his ups and downs anymore. It's hard to just stand by and watch him self-destruct when I know the great guy he used to be. I guess I just wish there was something I could do to help. Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 no one can "make" you feel guilty. he's got an addiction - nothing will make sense as long as the addiction is active, know this for certain. stay away until he's been clean for at least a year - he's got a lot of work and healing to do. you can't fix it for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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