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dealing with double betrayal


immobilized

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immobilized

So here's the deal. I was married, to another woman. We had a couple children via a donor (1 each) got buried in the young family scene. Sex life tanked....non-existent. Not just non existent, but non existent because I was such a poor lover. Partner wanted MORE children, I felt we should work on our connection before adding more children to the mix. About this time a co worker of mine, with whom I had had an intense, confusing platonic relationship with tells me the confusion came from her being deeply in love with me. I fell for it. Hard. To say I was feeling lost and under appreciated does not begin to to justify why I turned toward this person.

I did. After about two months of intense conversation (read emotional affair you savvy ones) She came back into town and had we sex. (yes it was great). The next day I told my married partner, leaving out the sex part. We began counseling.... I kept contact with the OW, long distance.

After about a year of this limbo, the OW moved back to town, I finally cracked and told my partner I needed to pursue this.

She responded with- 'So, you want an open marriage.' I said,' I do?' She said, 'If I wanted that, it meant she could be open too.' I said, 'It does?' and she said, 'I can have a relationship with the same person'. and I said ' You can?'

 

A few days later they consumated their friendship, and I freaked out. I said this was not what I had in mind, the OW said she was only game because she loved me so, but would never continue against my wishes. They became friends.....

 

On and on the OW told me to get away from my marriage....

Then my married partner gets pregnant via the donor, of course, with twins this time. The OW and wife bond over the pregnancy.

 

Right, you see where this is going. They hooked up, the wife filed for divorce, the OW put a restraining order on me. Divorce is final. I have half custody of my two children, never see the twins. The Exes are living together in my old home. The older children move back and forth bringing floods of pain with them for me like a virus. I am barely hanging on.

 

Laugh all you want. Every so often I do. But mostly I am suffering. It has been a year now, and I am still wrecked by this experience.

 

Can anyone offer any respite? Alternatively, anyone want to kick my butt around the block a few times? I am getting tired of doing it myself.

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