Where were my breadcrumbs?

[cdt76]

I have been here reading and posting since september or so of last year. I've read countless stories of people being contacted by their ex or running into them or receiving some kind of criptic email or text. I've come to learn the definition of breadcrumbs and wanting more for myself than any of that. But inside me burned a question to my core that I couldn't put into describable terms until today. I was in an 8 month relationship, lived with the woman and we were seperated for maybe a day at the most during that time. Things like "I'll do anything for you" and "I'll never deny you" and "I love you" were said and I believed them. I truly believe with all my heart the words because when she said them, I felt them. I felt so deeply for this person that 8 months later I'm still hurt.

 

So today, reading more posts, I thought to myself, where were my breadcrumbs? What happened to the "love" that disappeared so quickly that not a single attempt at contact was made by her to even ask if I was ok. Why not me? Why not allow me that? How can someone just stop loving so quickly (even though she cheated on me and had another man already, I still don't see how love can just stop). So, I'm hurting more because I didn't even get that from her. SUcks.

[annxxdisaster]

I have been here reading and posting since september or so of last year. I've read countless stories of people being contacted by their ex or running into them or receiving some kind of criptic email or text. I've come to learn the definition of breadcrumbs and wanting more for myself than any of that. But inside me burned a question to my core that I couldn't put into describable terms until today. I was in an 8 month relationship, lived with the woman and we were seperated for maybe a day at the most during that time. Things like "I'll do anything for you" and "I'll never deny you" and "I love you" were said and I believed them. I truly believe with all my heart the words because when she said them, I felt them. I felt so deeply for this person that 8 months later I'm still hurt.

 

So today, reading more posts, I thought to myself, where were my breadcrumbs? What happened to the "love" that disappeared so quickly that not a single attempt at contact was made by her to even ask if I was ok. Why not me? Why not allow me that? How can someone just stop loving so quickly (even though she cheated on me and had another man already, I still don't see how love can just stop). So, I'm hurting more because I didn't even get that from her. SUcks.

 

You should be happy that she respected you enough to not string out along.

[TaraMaiden]

I completely agree. Thank your lucky starts that she didn't rip your heart out and dish it up and force-feed it to you, while splitting your skull in two with a velvet cowl....

 

You are so damned lucky she actually respected you enough to do the right thing and permit you to move on without trying to hinder that.

 

You think what you went through is painful?

Read the posts of people who either broke NC, or were kept hanging by their exes....

 

You might have done already.

The pain is palpable, particularly if their relationships were years old, and ages ago...

[cdt76]

I'm not thankful for her for ANYTHING. The only reason she doesn't want to contact me is that she feels like the cheating whore she is. The reason I asked was because I still can't see how she can lie about loving me. Oh well, maybe you are right.

[Fouts]

There was probably a point in time that she loved you. Things change, people's feelings change, she moved on. You've had your heart broken and are dealing with the pain. Your ego wants the breadcrumb, it's not easy being left cold turkey for someone else. The sooner you get over it, the better.

[Ronni_W]

where were my breadcrumbs? What happened to the "love"

The 'breadcrumbs' themselves do not represent love, past or current, or anything remotely related to love. 'Breadcrumbs' are attempts to control and manipulate the other's feelings, or to string the other along, or because the "dumper" is feeling guilty or confused.

'Breadcrumbs' are anti-love, is how I'd put it.

 

I agree with you 100%, that the fact that you felt the love means that it definitely was present at that time. It's just unfortunate that feelings of love, like every other emotion, are subject to change and can be directed elsewhere.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting. Hugs.

[cdt76]

Yeah. Thank you all. It's just so hard to be alone for me. I have no family here, my kids are not with me everyday and the loneliness kills me. So I think and question the past and wonder. I hate what she did to me.

[Odyssey]

OP, cold turkey is the way to go. Trust me having the contact hurts even more! yeah, you think too much when you're feeling lonely. I still read your posts sometimes... i think you're doing good.

[cdt76]

Thanks odyssey. I appreciate that. I know there are people here who have it way worse. But the feelings are all the same I think.

[2yearsNC]

don't feel bad,

i loved someone too, we were together for a long time, so long my body would being to get warm as if she was right next to me sleeping when she wasn't around, whenever i thought of her.... weird I tell you..

 

The point is, in the end, she was confused and fawking someone else, i threw her out, she begged for about a week, then 180 uturn and broke up with me.

 

I was left devistated, confused, and really tramatize to the point where friends would tell me I would day dream and go off in another world, hell even when I would be sweeping or cleaning my mind would wonder back on that relationship and when i snap too, it would about 25 minutes later, as if I was just abducted by aliens and time flew by.....

 

 

Eitherway, 2 years NC, to be exact 2 years 11 days NC. I have not heard nothing from her. NO email, no contact, no facebook hello, nothing. Odd, I thought she loved me.

 

Then again someone did call me from an un available number sometime last year, which is not uncommon, but for some reason that one time, I thought it was her. I'll never know. I was going to marry her. She didn't even know. I wonder how she's doing but thats all I can/will do. Wonder...... and in time... Forget Completely.

 

I think I miss her like how a fat girl misses cake. I don't think she remembers me anymore or is actively choosing to keep moving on/forget me... haha.. good luck with that

Edited April 12, 2010 by 2yearsNC

[Ilovecake]

I have been here reading and posting since september or so of last year. I've read countless stories of people being contacted by their ex or running into them or receiving some kind of criptic email or text. I've come to learn the definition of breadcrumbs and wanting more for myself than any of that. But inside me burned a question to my core that I couldn't put into describable terms until today. I was in an 8 month relationship, lived with the woman and we were seperated for maybe a day at the most during that time. Things like "I'll do anything for you" and "I'll never deny you" and "I love you" were said and I believed them. I truly believe with all my heart the words because when she said them, I felt them. I felt so deeply for this person that 8 months later I'm still hurt.

 

So today, reading more posts, I thought to myself, where were my breadcrumbs? What happened to the "love" that disappeared so quickly that not a single attempt at contact was made by her to even ask if I was ok. Why not me? Why not allow me that? How can someone just stop loving so quickly (even though she cheated on me and had another man already, I still don't see how love can just stop). So, I'm hurting more because I didn't even get that from her. SUcks.

 

Doesn't sound like you understand the meaning of emotional breadcrumbs. You are upset that your ex didn't take advantage of you while you were down from the breakup? That she didn't try and use you to fix her ego? That's what breadcrumbs are. They have nothing to do with what you want or need nor do they have anything to do with love, as a matter of fact it's the opposite of love. Be glad that your ex was kind enough to let you go and heal.

[paleblue]

hey cdt76 seriously, you are way better off. it might feel like you are missing something, but you are not. you are saving yourself a lot of wasted time and grief. it just screws with your head more than anything. I do know that it would be nice to get a message from her hearing about how unhappy she is in life or something, but I am not sure if that would really make you feel any better. screw her.

 

my x – I work with her. I see that girl around, and she is contacting me here and there wanting to be my "friend" – all while she is sleeping in another mans bed. take it from me -its bull. she contacted me last thursday complaining about how unhappy she is with her job, and where she lives. all this whining about how she is going to quit her job and find a new place to live in the area. I encouraged her to do both. do I believe she is going to?? nope, not at all. i believe it was just more of her whining for attention. it is just ridiculous to deal with. I don’t mean anything to her just because she contacted me whining. she is just looking for attention - for someone to make her feel better about herself. probably because she isn’t getting enough attention elsewhere. she also knew I was walking behind her at one point and so what does she do?? she starts shaking her you know what. why?? just to frustrate me. if her boyfriend knew I wonder if he would appreciate that? so I just get kinda asinine with her now. try dealing with that endlessly. now she tells me this morning she is not in a good mood today. I didn’t even ask why.

 

it is not cool as it may sound my friend. I wish to god it was just a clean cut when it ended. I pray that she surprises me and actually does find a new job and a new place to live.

[nobmagnet]

cdt

 

I assume your kids are from a previous relationship? Because otherwise you would surely have spoken to her.

 

Breadcrumbs apease the guilt of a dumper. i wont go as far as to say I respect her because she disrespected you by F8cking somebody else whilst being with you, but i will say she did you a favour dropping off the earth. Its hard to see it, but beleive me she did it (i would never assume out of guilt/ respect.) and you are all the better for it. :love:

 

She disresected you in the lowest form IMO by cheating and she should get a nasty come back for it, as should mine. But babe you dodged a bullet for sure.

 

Hope you find peace

 

Nobby xx

[cdt76]

Pale, I don't see how you do it. I don't. I don't see how you can look at her, speak to her. I go to great lengths to avoid her "boyfriend", with whom I work and anyone associated with them. I don't see how anyone can go from being intimately involved to a mere friendship when love is involved. I am thankful I don't see her or hear from her. And Magnet, you are right. I've realized over the last several weeks/months that the sadness and loneliness I feel today is because after this happened, my world went from almost complete and happy to almost empty. I'm a very social person but don't have any family outside of my children here. The closest is 4 hours away by car. My friends have deserted me in ways I never thought possible. I spend hours alone or doing activities by myself. Last night I even went to a bar by myself just to be in public with other people. The relationship made me whole and complete and I felt loved. Looking back now, she did not love me but I don't know how to classify what she was. So, I'm here at work, wondering where to go from here. It is no fun being by myself all the time, or running alone, or watching tv alone, or checking my cell phone only to see that no one has called/text me all day. How can I build back trust in people when there are no people around?

[nobmagnet]

Oh sweet heart :love:

 

well it aint easy. but going out is good. But we dumpees need to remember to put our shoulders back and convince ourselves we are happy. Nobody likes a saddo

 

I found if i looked at all the things I can do now that i didnt/couldnt before very satisfying. I have to admit some of my evenings out have resulted in one or too moments of humour to say the least!!:lmao:

 

Reconnect with old mates and plan ahead also helps. Always have something to look forward to, even if it is in 3 weeks time.

 

Nobby xxxx

[jlr]

Doesn't sound like you understand the meaning of emotional breadcrumbs. You are upset that your ex didn't take advantage of you while you were down from the breakup? That she didn't try and use you to fix her ego? That's what breadcrumbs are. They have nothing to do with what you want or need nor do they have anything to do with love, as a matter of fact it's the opposite of love. Be glad that your ex was kind enough to let you go and heal.

 

Agreed.

Breadcrumbs aren't a good thing.

I had a whole lot of them.

They made the pain worse. The longing worse. They made me have to heal over and over and over again.

I had my heart broken in the breakup, and then had it ripped to pieces several times after.

It may not feel like it, but you're lucky.

Breadcrumbs are something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[boogieboy]

 

So today, reading more posts, I thought to myself, where were my breadcrumbs? What happened to the "love" that disappeared so quickly that not a single attempt at contact was made by her to even ask if I was ok. Why not me? Why not allow me that? How can someone just stop loving so quickly (even though she cheated on me and had another man already, I still don't see how love can just stop). So, I'm hurting more because I didn't even get that from her. SUcks.

 

The love stops when her love for the other guy started. Probably waaay before she broke it off with you. Theres no breadcrumbs because she is busy with him, she wants you out of her life asap. Be happy you got no breadcrumbs, it hurts alot more when you get them.

[paleblue]

Pale, I don't see how you do it. I don't. I don't see how you can look at her, speak to her. I go to great lengths to avoid her "boyfriend", with whom I work and anyone associated with them. I don't see how anyone can go from being intimately involved to a mere friendship when love is involved. I am thankful I don't see her or hear from her.

 

it took a long time. almost 2 years of emotional hell. wave after crashing wave of it. it builds up, then crashes. then starts all over again. this went on for a long time. not fun. you adapt, you survive, you overcome. you get pissed off. you do whatever you need to do. after a long time you get tired of feeling sorry. you realize you want something better. you realize you are not going to let that other dude or your ex get the best of you. you realize you dont want to let your own life suffer anymore because of them.

 

i used to avoid seeing her in the office. now i do not. i think screw that. im walking where ever i want to walk in that office. i dont care if that means sitting in the same conference room with her for a meeting. i will look good and i will look proud. i will not let her control my actions anymore. i still do not speak to any of her friends or whoever she generally associates with. unless they speak to me first.

 

there was, and still is to some extent a war going on inside my head. for a long time i just learned to pretend on the outside. now i dont have too.

 

dont get me wrong i still have bad days but not nearly as much.

 

i was emotionally weak at the time. now i feel emotionally strong.

 

i learned to keep myself busy when i could, and on the couch when i didnt feel like i could move for half the day. i kept meeting new girls. i even went out with a few just so i could tell them no. i realize now that was not nice. but i was doing whatever made me feel good at the time. slowly you start caring less, after multiple rebounds. you start realizing your own self worth as a man after being around other people. it takes time. thats how i do it. believe me there are still some days i want to throw my hands up. but for the most part now i have an evil smile on my face. has it made me a little hard? yes. a little hostile sometimes? yes....for now.... sometimes i just find myself yelling at people for almost little to no reason. but i dont expect to be like this forever. right now i am doing whatever i need to do. thats how i do it.