onetoughkitty Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 It will be almost one month since my ex-fiance of 14 years left me for another woman (21 year old co-worker from work). Of course, i'm going through the ups and downs. The first week, I called, begged, demanded and all that nonsense. Now I've gotten to this point where the only time I contact him is about our child. Believe me, if I could, I wouldn't call him at all. I have moments where I wish they would break up or he would do something stupid like knock her up... but then I'm like, why? The thought of him coming back and bringing God-knows-what with him, freaks me out. My lips get pursed up just thinking about it. I get sad when I think of the good guy I used to know, but he disappeared years ago. All that's left is an empty shell trying to live out his youth. What I really want, is for him to be HAPPY. When we were together, all he would talk about is how much he hated work, hated his mom, hated the people at his work, at the management of his favorite sports teams. He'd complain about the house being a mess, yada yada. He never ever calls his friends to hang out. He almost never took time to take his daughter somewhere when he had time available. Just sat at the TV watching sports or playing video games. Now that he's gone, I talk to his family more (they are way more supportive and understanding than he gives them credit for), I can go out when I want and take trips and not feel guilty (he says he wants to do stuff but never has the balls to take time off of work), the house is spotless even with me and the kid in it (maybe because he's not slouching around in it, drinking beer and farting it up the entire time). I take my kid out to places she's never been and she's happy that we aren't arguing anymore (right out of this kid's mouth, she's so smart for an 8 year old) Maybe one of these days, he'll have the balls to do what he wants to do. Instead of talking about filling out those applications to become a police officer, maybe he'll actually show up for the exams when they have an open call??? Maybe he'll go back to school. Maybe he'll learn that the past is the past and it's time to let go. Maybe he'll call his friends and go out and do other things without needing to be pushed or cajoled into doing. Maybe he'll stop waiting for others to do things for him. For now, i'm quite happy letting this broad deal with his "issues" (the only thing I wish is that he would spend more time with his kid, but as you know, that was an issue when he was in the house, ha). Thank God I found this forum though. It made me realize that I can cope just fine. Seeing how other people are going through it, made me realize how lucky I am. I still have my daughter, my family, his family, my friends, my co-workers, his co-workers as a support group. Now, if I didn't have to contact him for my daughter's sake... i'd be in heaven. Well, this is definitely a good day. who knows? I might have another down day but when it starts off that way, I can always come back here... and be cheered. Cheers everyone. Don't let anyone drag you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew1984 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Cheers everyone. Don't let anyone drag you down. still working on that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author onetoughkitty Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 (edited) There are reasons why people come and go in our lives. My problem is that 1) I didn't/could not offer the help my ex really needs 2.) I just didn't have the balls to kick him to the curb a long time ago despite his bad attitude, depression, alcoholism. His leaving for another girl was just God's way of cutting the cord, in my opinion. The hard part about this all is he was like some sort of wayward co-dependent friend that I held onto for way too long and this man is the father of my child. Sometimes, you gotta let them find their own way in life and I can only hope he will be a better father/friend/husband to others in the future! Edited March 12, 2010 by onetoughkitty clarification Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 onetoughkitty, I have to say your one tough kitty. Sorry about your loss, congratulations on your attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
NoellePV Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Hi, I love your attitude and how you are looking at things so soon after he left you. I can only hope that by the time it's a month since mine left me, also after 14 years, that I will be thinking the same way as you. You make me smile with your post tonight Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 u sound like a keeper. no 21 will fill that void. shell dump...oh ill say when shes 22-23... Link to post Share on other sites
Author onetoughkitty Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Depends on what her goals are in life and if they are compatible with a guy content on waiting on the world to conform to what he wants. You're probably right. I hope that she doesn't let him get in the way of what she wants to do though. I am so glad I finished school and did all the school things despite his disapproval. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 :DYou've inspired me! Like you I also have an 8 yr old and I understand exactly what you mean about having to stay in contact. My ex has just written to our 8 yr old (no address) and asked her to email him- after nearly 4 months of silence on his part-yeah right. Obviously he couldn't manange to remember the house phone number and ring her- needless to say she's not impressed- no mention in his letter on why he dropped out of her life and is now a stepfather to a former friend- what planet are these men on!! We are also slowly coping- and I'll never get so close to anyone ever again- its just not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onetoughkitty Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 I really don't want to but I really don't want to talk to her dad at all. I was thinking about getting her a cell phone so I can call her directly when she is with her dad. Actually, sometimes I have to call him to find out if he is actually with her or if he just dropped her off at my parent's house (he drops and picks her up from school). What do you guys think? She's 8. Link to post Share on other sites
Sadbutrelieved Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Onetoughkitty, except for the having a child together part, our situations sound very similar. Love the part about him sitting around drinking beer and farting up the house ... I've been there lol I'm glad my ex is gone too; he was a huge burden on me most of the time. He has some young thing with stars in her eyes who probably believes all his BS now, and that's okay. Every Friday he breaks NC and calls me for some stupid reason or another. Today it was "did you just try to text me?" I said no. We breathed. Then I said bye and hung up. I know why he's calling...to try and weasel beer money out of me probably. It's Friday and he probably has to get his new girlie drunk tonight Link to post Share on other sites
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