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Gaslighting even after the breakup


Sadbutrelieved

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Sadbutrelieved

What an idiot! My ex came over to get the rest of his stuff from the basement today. I ignored him pretty much as I did yesterday, but when he was done loading the van he came to the back door so I opened it. He told me they found our missing friend shacked up with some girl up North. I said "that seems to be going around, doesn't it?" and his reply was "well, you said I could date other people!"

 

I did NOT ever in a million years say that, and he knows it. He has the nerve to try to continue gaslighting me even after he slinks away with his new woman. Ugh! I shut the door in his face.

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Well good for you for shutting him out.;) He sounds like one big bully. I bet your glad to be rid of him? People who gaslight IMO, have half a brain. Think about how much better off you are going to be without this type of person in your life.

 

Mea:)

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Sadbutrelieved

Oh good grief! Now he's left me a pissy voicemail saying he's coming back next weekend to take possession of a tv he gave me years ago. He could have taken it when he was at my house either day this past weekend...now he's coming back again. How can I miss him if he won't go away?! He's punishing me for daring to question his hypocrisy this weekend when he dissed our missing frlend because he was found with another woman...this is the man who started a relationship with someone else and didn't even tell me, I had to find out on FB. God I wish he'd just go away already. What the hell is he trying to do? I've got news for him, he lost control of me a longgggggg time ago.

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Owch, sounds awful! Why do they lie and then get pissy like that? Uh! Nice to see he can no longer control you!

 

This whole Gaslighting thing was completely unknown to me until I heard someone mention it on here the other day, so went and did some reading about it, it's like a lightbulb went off in my head...that's what my ex did pretty much the entire 5 years I was with him...and he STILL did even when he was leaving me for her, telling me they were just friends and he was moving into her spare room, oh please, can't believe he'd think I'd buy that! I have alot of work to do with myself so that I never attract someone like that EVER!

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Oh good grief! Now he's left me a pissy voicemail saying he's coming back next weekend to take possession of a tv he gave me years ago. He could have taken it when he was at my house either day this past weekend...now he's coming back again. How can I miss him if he won't go away?! He's punishing me for daring to question his hypocrisy this weekend when he dissed our missing frlend because he was found with another woman...this is the man who started a relationship with someone else and didn't even tell me, I had to find out on FB. God I wish he'd just go away already. What the hell is he trying to do? I've got news for him, he lost control of me a longgggggg time ago.

 

tell him no! hell no! he had a chance to get his things twice. there is no reason to bow to his demands any longer. stand up to him and tell him to kiss off. no tv - no nothing!

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Sadbutrelieved

As attractive as that sounds, I'm going to let him take it and no matter how much strength it takes, act like I don't give a damn. I'll be happy and smile before I close the door for good no matter if it kills me. Maybe I will spend the rest of the weekend inn bed crying my eyes out, I don't know. I don't care about the tv, but I do care about letting him have any reason at all to contact me and try to push my buttons. It's not healthy for me. If he takes the last thing he can ever take from me, he'll have to go away for good. Right? That's what I keep telling myself as I lie awake at night...argghh.

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My ex did something similar...she took 6 weeks to move out of my place. If you have a deck or a hall or some place he can just pick up the tv without entering your house...put it there and tell him to come get it or it gets taken by the next person who passes by. Put him on your time table. Put him at your mercy. Put him in his place. That way you don't have to see him at all or have any contact with him.

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As attractive as that sounds, I'm going to let him take it and no matter how much strength it takes, act like I don't give a damn. I'll be happy and smile before I close the door for good no matter if it kills me. Maybe I will spend the rest of the weekend inn bed crying my eyes out, I don't know. I don't care about the tv, but I do care about letting him have any reason at all to contact me and try to push my buttons. It's not healthy for me. If he takes the last thing he can ever take from me, he'll have to go away for good. Right? That's what I keep telling myself as I lie awake at night...argghh.

 

if you continue to say yes - he will only continue to dream up "other" items he forgot about knowing he can get you to continue to agree.

 

tell him he GAVE you the tv - it's no longer his... and tell him too late - too bad. he had his chance - he should have considered discussing the tv while he moved his other things.

 

on a different note - i would be sure a locksmith rekeys the lock so he cannot come in at his leisure or when you're not home. when he doesn't get things his way, he may be inclined to be vengeful, especially if he's not used to you standing up for yourself - which appears to be the case.

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Sadbutrelieved

He never had keys to this place, so I don't have to worry about him coming in. We lived together in another place at the start of our relationship, but I made him get his own place 3 years ago for various disgusting reasons I won't go into here. I don't give a damn about the tv, and it's the last thing left here that came from him so I'd rather get it over with and not have it hanging over my head.

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