sedgwick Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) So, two years and seven months post-breakup, my ability to leave the house has not come back. I am still too afraid of running into Joe or someone he knows, and I have become a complete hermit because of that fear. So I'm leaving. I have given up my apartment where I've lived for six years, and I'm going to Mexico until my book comes out next Jan and I have to return to NYC for the tour. It is my dream to be able to go out and hear live music once I get there. I think maybe I can do it in another country, because I know he won't be there, and who knows -- maybe in Mexico musicians don't mind if non-musicians come to their shows! I thought that if I could write a book, I'd feel less shame over not being a musician. But now it's done, and I've just seen the beautiful cover, and just got a blurb for the cover from one of my two favorite living authors, and I found out it will be one of my publisher's featured titles at book expos this year, and none of that, NONE of it, has allowed me to forgive myself for not playing the fiddle. I can't take this anymore; I have to rebuild. I am determined that at the three-year mark I won't still be hurting like this, like the day he left. I just want to be able to leave my house again without fear or shame, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. Edited February 9, 2010 by sedgwick Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 are you excited? will you stay in contact with us? im a tad worried.....................u ok? Nobby xxxxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 I'm very excited, and I will absolutely stay in touch! I'm just getting sick of living like a total recluse and turning down all invitations to do anything because I'm too terrified of seeing him, or because I feel that since he thinks I'm worthless, I don't deserve to have any fun anyway, or because if HE thinks I'm fat and ugly, EVERYONE will, etc. I have to go somewhere where his opinion doesn't mean anything to anyone. Then I might be able to forgive myself and rediscover the social person I used to be. Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Wish I could go with you. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 I think this is wonderful! Go spread your wings - you so deserve it. I'm pulling for you Sedgewick! Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 So, two years and seven months post-breakup, my ability to leave the house has not come back. I am still too afraid of running into Joe or someone he knows, and I have become a complete hermit because of that fear. So I'm leaving. I have given up my apartment where I've lived for six years, and I'm going to Mexico until my book comes out next Jan and I have to return to NYC for the tour. It is my dream to be able to go out and hear live music once I get there. I think maybe I can do it in another country, because I know he won't be there, and who knows -- maybe in Mexico musicians don't mind if non-musicians come to their shows! I thought that if I could write a book, I'd feel less shame over not being a musician. But now it's done, and I've just seen the beautiful cover, and just got a blurb for the cover from one of my two favorite living authors, and I found out it will be one of my publisher's featured titles at book expos this year, and none of that, NONE of it, has allowed me to forgive myself for not playing the fiddle. I can't take this anymore; I have to rebuild. I am determined that at the three-year mark I won't still be hurting like this, like the day he left. I just want to be able to leave my house again without fear or shame, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. That is AWESOME! I hope everything goes well for you down there. You know we're rooting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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