Nikki Sahagin Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 If, as people say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over all the while expecting a different outcome then I am literally insane. Since me and my ex broke up i've gone from LC to NC to LC to NC to LC, i've slept with him FOUR times, we've had 'the talk' endless times, we've tried to cut each other out endless times. WHY am I doing this to myself? My feelings for my ex are a weird combination of love/hate, arousal/revulsion, like/dislike, appreciate/irritated, relief/anger. I think this is in part what makes me hold on, because the feelings are all so varied and intense that I feel ALIVE. The point is I know i'm weakening my own boundaries by allowing him to do this. I know i'm letting his confusion about us become my confusion. I know I need to let him be, keep NC or LC if possible and just focus on myself...and yet its like a drug, an addiction, a dependence, I go back...maybe because its all I know, he was my first everything. And he always treats me so nicely but just can't offer it 'full-time' anymore. Basically I know i'm being stupid, insane, irrational and lacking self-control. I am let down that I keep doing this. I don't fully know why. I'm scared to be without him in any capacity but I know I have to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 You have to be strong. Honestly, I did this so much in my last relationship. We'd break up then do the FWB thing then get into a relationship, then FWB again then relationship then the last time we broke up...I haven't spoken to him in two months. I am not embarrassed to say that I love the guy. I would not do the FWB thing again. Ever. He's my first for everything. it was very hard to let him go. He was also my best friend, so believe me when I say I totally understand how tough NC can be. I want to call/email him every day, but I don't. I found something to focus my energy on. I'm trying to learn a new language, and I'm focusing more on developing my patience and tolerance for...people. Let him go and work on strengthening you. You know he is a bad thing for you. If he can't be in a relationship with just you then he isn't worthy of the benefits of your company. You are better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 hey nikki it is hard to stop when you have those deep feelings for someone. been down that road more times than i wanted to be. but eventually, one way or another you WILL get sick of being dragged thru the mud, feeling like crud all the time over it, you will get sick of your life suffering. and realize you are worth more than that. for some of us, we learn sooner than others, and for others like me, it takes a long time before we smarten up. but eventually it happens. and eventually it will stop. hopefully that day comes sooner, than later, for you. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 If, as people say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over all the while expecting a different outcome then I am literally insane. Since me and my ex broke up i've gone from LC to NC to LC to NC to LC, i've slept with him FOUR times, we've had 'the talk' endless times, we've tried to cut each other out endless times. WHY am I doing this to myself? My feelings for my ex are a weird combination of love/hate, arousal/revulsion, like/dislike, appreciate/irritated, relief/anger. I think this is in part what makes me hold on, because the feelings are all so varied and intense that I feel ALIVE. The point is I know i'm weakening my own boundaries by allowing him to do this. I know i'm letting his confusion about us become my confusion. I know I need to let him be, keep NC or LC if possible and just focus on myself...and yet its like a drug, an addiction, a dependence, I go back...maybe because its all I know, he was my first everything. And he always treats me so nicely but just can't offer it 'full-time' anymore. Basically I know i'm being stupid, insane, irrational and lacking self-control. I am let down that I keep doing this. I don't fully know why. I'm scared to be without him in any capacity but I know I have to let go. Get the book; The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life by Susan Anderson It seems there is more then just the realtionship that is holding you from moving on. The book will help. . Link to post Share on other sites
sunrae Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Nikki, I did the same thing with a previous ex a few years ago... We were a yoyo for about a year, together part, sleep togther, cry, part, together.. Back and forth... Finally I get tired of being emotionally drained and bascially began feeling used... As hard as it is, you need to cut ties withhim because it is not healthy behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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