So what are they chances that they come back in your life...

[Melrapuo]

...AFTER you had told them you don't want them as a friend anymore? Now this is probably a rather different question than most people ask on this site, but I'll explain.

 

Summer of '08, I had a really nasty break up with my ex. She left me for someone else, claimed she never cheated on me (doubt that), and I allowed her to string me along for a couple of months before I finally cut ties with her. I told her we couldn't be friends, wished her the best, and sent in all in an e-mail that pretty much explained how I felt. She didn't take it too well but did wish me the best as well.

 

Since then she and I have both dated, and both of us are in relationships since (I've been in one for over a year, she's been in a few I think. Dunno, haven't paid too much attention to her life since.)

 

The other day though, I went into a store with my gf, and lo and behold my ex pulls up with her bf in my car. Now my heart sank, because I know my current gf will open her mouth if she has to speak her mind (aka my ex says something stupid or even attempts to talk to me) so I went in the back of the store and away from my ex so I didn't have to interact with them. I felt panicked, cuz its been a year and a half and didn't know what to expect. However, I just casually went to the back of the store.

 

They left, no further interaction since. But here's the deal: this is my first ex, as it was my first relationship, and I'm trying to see whats normal here and what isn't. My fear is that my ex WILL come back in my life, and my awkward panic has made me feel like I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle it.

 

So what are the chances that exes, whom you have removed from your life and explained it so to them, will ever attempt to reconnect? And if they do, and you don't want them around, what's the best way to handle it? Cuz I've heard the more you ignore them, the more they attempt.

 

This is just a paranoid question, to be honest. There's no signs she will return to my life, but I do have a slight fear that she would try to.

 

**EDIT** I wanna clarify that I love my gf, and not my ex. I DO NOT want my ex back, but even my gf gets paranoid and I don't wanna lose her because she has been cheated on plenty of times before she dated me, and I have a fear she'll leave if my ex pokes around.

Edited February 8, 2010 by Melrapuo

[DenverBachelor]

Just sit your girlfriend down and explain that you love her and only her and explain the situation with your ex and how you feel just as uncomfortable. When the situation arises where you bump into her with your girlfriend, just nod politely and keep busy and give the signal that you don't have time for idle chit-chat. I doubt your ex will go out of her way and she may feel the same way you do concerning her boyfriend and you.

 

Running to the back of the store isn't going to really resolve the issue. If you live in a small town, you're going to cross paths eventually. You just need to get that first awkward hello out of the way and then you have gone from not talking for 18 months to just bumping into her.

 

However, your current girlfriend shouldn't have trust issues about your relationship with the ex. You need to get that settled quickly because those issues can balloon into some real relationship problems. You've never cheated on her -- she shouldn't doubt you. You should be able to tell her in no uncertain terms that you have absolutely no feelings for your ex and leave it at that. If she still has issues, there's more under the water to address than just your previous relationship.