whats going on?

[chloe1408]

my ex of a year and a half left me for another girl2 months ago.

he says to me that he fell out of love withme 3 months before we broke up.

which in itself is fair enough. but to be honest, within those 3 months, he had numerous chances to leave but never did, if anything things were better between us. we went away on holiday,made plans to move in together etc etc.

so my head is telling me thisis just an excuse, his way of justifying things.

any thoughts?

 

anyway, things have been hostile since we broke up and today i broke relative NC to send him a text, i asked him not to reply to it, but to read it. it basically said that i said some things throughout the breakup that i didnt mean and it was down to being hurt, that i still respect him and his decision etc etc.

so i get a reply saying part of him still loves me but he's happier now with his new gf.

so i reply back and just get a text saying that if i carry on he'll report me for harassment?!?!

 

whats going on?

surely he wouldnt admit he still loved me if he was over me

or is it merely him trying to be nice.

[counterman]

When someone says he fell out of love with you, it is a red flag and you should end the relationship there and move on. If you have strong feelings for someone you will want to work our your issues together and help each other in the relationship. By him telling you he was falling out of love with you and not breaking it up, your relationship was always doomed to end. I am sure that there are other reasons for it and he can justify it any way he wants. Fact is things between you and him are over and it is time to forget about him.

 

When he said part of him still loves you, he is just trying to be nice and trying to make you feel better about things. But, when he said he is happier with his girlfriend, he means it. Don't contact him again because he could use it as a reason to call it harassment against you. It's sad, I know, but that's the way it is.

 

Forget about him. You deserve better. Don't worry about what he has said or what he might say or how he might feel. Thing is it just does not matter anymore to you. He is not a part of your life. You are not a part of his.

 

Learn from your mistakes and become a better person. It might be hard to think of this now, but it will get better.

[Catseye8]

anyway, things have been hostile since we broke up and today i broke relative NC to send him a text, i asked him not to reply to it, but to read it. it basically said that i said some things throughout the breakup that i didnt mean and it was down to being hurt, that i still respect him and his decision etc etc.

so i get a reply saying part of him still loves me but he's happier now with his new gf.

so i reply back and just get a text saying that if i carry on he'll report me for harassment?!?!

 

Oh yeah, I can imagine how that police report would go. "Officer, she... she... she replied to my text message!"

 

Chloe, this man's behaviour has been all over the place since you broke up. Accusing you of cheating, calling you names, sending weird emails, threatening to burn down your house... these are not the behaviours of a man you're going to get any clear answers out of. It sounds like he's still confused about his feelings, as would anybody be to some extent right after a breakup, but rather than do the right thing by processing all those emotions himself, he's turned into a 3-year-old and is taking it out on you.

 

I really do feel for you. This must be awful. But he's going to keep acting strangely, and it really does seem like NC is the best way for you to go. Pity the new girlfriend - and chances are good she's not going to be getting happy-ever-after from him either.

Edited February 8, 2010 by Catseye8

[DenverBachelor]

Oh yeah, I can imagine how that police report would go. "Officer, she... she... she replied to my text message!"

 

True, but take my word on this -- that sort of thing can quickly escalate into an out of control situation. "Officer, he tried to break into my apartment." "Apartment manager, I need to get the locks changed because I believe he's been inside my apartment with a copied key." etc. Of course, I never did any of those things, but as soon as you cross that line in someone's head, you're demonized. Strange call at 2am from an unknown number? Must have been DB. Car drives by slowly but I didn't have time to make it out? Must have been DB. A key rattling in the lock? Must have been DB. Because in her world view, all I'm doing is sitting around thinking of her.

 

It must be a wonderful state of mind to be both paranoid and delusional. But you don't want to get on the receiving end of someone else's craziness.

[HeavenOrHell]

My ex said he will always love me but that our time as partners is over. There are different types of love. Loving someone doesn't mean you want to be their partner. I love my friends but don't want them as a partner

[DenverBachelor]

My ex said he will always love me but that our time as partners is over. There are different types of love. Loving someone doesn't mean you want to be their partner. I love my friends but don't want them as a partner

 

And what's even worse is that Western society has focused on that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling of passionate love that is, in reality, only a transient type of love. That "love" feeling is actually lust and is the primal drive to procreate. All that love afterwards is what we're all supposed to aim for and cultivate, but some people associate the end of the butterflies with falling out of love.

 

You can blame our culture, movies, TV's, etc. We all see the beauty in Casablanca when they're embraced after not being able to see each other for a long time, but we're never exposed to the daily grind of relationships in a movie about them. How can you stuff years of trying to make it work in a two hour movie? You can't, but you can throw in a lot of sex and passion and suddenly that's the status quo.