Chi NZ Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Just realised the thread title sounds juicier than it actually is lol Sorry but it's a mission finding my previous thread... Story is last week one of my cats got clipped by a car (3am in the morning) so off to the after hours emergency vet I go. Now my flatmate is quite good friends with my ex, and while I'm at work today my ex is coming over to check on the cat (We are also on NC)...my question is: Should she be doing this ? It puts my mind into overdrive and turmoil to know she's in the flat Should she just be calling or finding out through some other source how the cat is ? Just that her coming over makes my process that much more confusing Any advice would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Is this a cat which you and she shared during your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Yeah..I'm on the same page as carhill (I think.) What's your cat getting clipped by a car got to do with your ex with whom you're doing 'no contact'? If you do have "shared custody" of the cat, do you mean 'limited contact'? If so, and the idea of her being in your flat sets off all those reactions...then maybe the cat's gotta go rehab at your ex's place? If not. How the hell'd she find out about the cat getting clipped? In any case, tell your flatmate that you don't want your ex there, and tell your ex to please not be there. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 You can never quite be sure with me Here's the backstory Ronni, I think I'm going to defer to you here. His ex-fiance seems to have a balanced perspective and it appears the OP is aware of his own issues and is working on them. Seems like there is a good deal of de-tangling left to go. If he is to decline her generous offer, I think the how is as important as the what, since they still have affairs to wind down. I'm thinking of that word 'amicable'. OP, hope things work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Thanks, carhill. Any advice would be greatly appreciated Chi, I haven't read your backstory...cos carhill seems to have a perfectly good handle on it What I'm hearing him say, in part, is to consider doing positive communications with your ex...even when you are saying 'no thank you'. And that sounds like a good plan, to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chi NZ Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 I let a friend of hers know about the cat so she would have got the message. Did'nt contact her directly. Thanks for the advice guys, got my thoughts in order and have just decided not to worry too much about it And keep to the NC as well. It's funny how things play in the back of your mind though.... Guess I'll just keep on trucking heh. Cheers again peoples. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 got my thoughts in order and have just decided not to worry too much about it If I had faced this with my stbx I think your advice would've been well-received. She got our cat. Hope your cat gets well soon. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Don't read into anything, I did that for 6 months, I'd even get called by my pet name by him but it meant nothing. Hope your cat is ok Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chi NZ Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks for the advice guys/gals, it really is appreciated and taken onboard Yeah Shasta (the cat) is okay, wire in her jaw and some swelling around the face. Having to force feed her food and antibiotics, makes me feel really guilty Another day of NC through...seems at the moment the only escape is sleep.... Link to post Share on other sites
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