professorTR Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 I find it just a bit ironic that, as I was on my way to my psych appt. last night, I passed my wife as we were driving in different directions. Anyway, the setback for me is something that I really need feedback on. Everything about her seemed to be enhanced: her blond hair was blonder, her radiance was more radiant, etc. Why does she seem so larger than life??? I sent her a text telling her I saw her and sarcastically wished her luck with her awesome new life. She thought I was making it an issue because I thought I saw her new bf riding with her. I didn't even notice ANYONE riding with her. She called and left a message saying that she doesn't know why I'm so upset and called me crazy. She said it was her dad with her and had him say hello on the message. This embarrassed me and made me feel pathetic. Now she's cluing in her parents, pointing me out as an obsessive loser simply because I can't turn it off like she did after a 7-year relationship. I'm so tired of living in angst. Just seeing her, or thinking about her being happy and in love with someone else and playing around in MY house paralyzes me with fear. This girl just controls my emotions, and I'm so afraid of cutting ties completely. I vacillate between denial and acceptance so often and so quickly... This girl I'm seeing now has been very patient with me. I really like her, and I feel caught between loving her and loving my wife. In many ways, she's so much better for me personally. The only thing my wife had is that she looked better on my arm. I'm not shallow, at least I don't think so, but I seem to place too much emphasis on whether other people find my mate drop-dead gorgeous with no reference to how she makes me feel. Can someone help me sort this stuff out??!! Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 This girl just controls my emotions, and I'm so afraid of cutting ties completely. How..? Why? This girl I'm seeing now has been very patient with me. I really like her, and I feel caught between loving her and loving my wife. In many ways, she's so much better for me personally. The only thing my wife had is that she looked better on my arm. I'm not shallow, at least I don't think so, but I seem to place too much emphasis on whether other people find my mate drop-dead gorgeous with no reference to how she makes me feel. Can someone help me sort this stuff out??!! Prof, you are no where near ready to date let alone commit. Until you get to a point where you are ok with yourself, nothing is going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 I find it just a bit ironic that, as I was on my way to my psych appt. last night, I passed my wife as we were driving in different directions. Anyway, the setback for me is something that I really need feedback on. Everything about her seemed to be enhanced: her blond hair was blonder, her radiance was more radiant, etc. Why does she seem so larger than life??? I sent her a text telling her I saw her and sarcastically wished her luck with her awesome new life. She thought I was making it an issue because I thought I saw her new bf riding with her. I didn't even notice ANYONE riding with her. She called and left a message saying that she doesn't know why I'm so upset and called me crazy. She said it was her dad with her and had him say hello on the message. This embarrassed me and made me feel pathetic. Now she's cluing in her parents, pointing me out as an obsessive loser simply because I can't turn it off like she did after a 7-year relationship. I'm so tired of living in angst. Just seeing her, or thinking about her being happy and in love with someone else and playing around in MY house paralyzes me with fear. This girl just controls my emotions, and I'm so afraid of cutting ties completely. I vacillate between denial and acceptance so often and so quickly... Be kind to yourself, stop picking that scab. You are way to focused on her and not on yourself. Heve you committed yourself to NC? Why would you text her? At best your just looking to reinforce she is no longer interested in you. You already know that. This girl I'm seeing now has been very patient with me. I really like her, and I feel caught between loving her and loving my wife. In many ways, she's so much better for me personally. The only thing my wife had is that she looked better on my arm. I'm not shallow, at least I don't think so, but I seem to place too much emphasis on whether other people find my mate drop-dead gorgeous with no reference to how she makes me feel. Can someone help me sort this stuff out??!! Be kind to the lady, let her know your not ready for a relationship, that not only do you have to still get over your ex but have a great deal of work to do to understand yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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