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Why do we miss those who did us wrong?


Eisenhower

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In my case, I know my ex, who's been giving me bread crumbs for months has been with a new guy for a while now while straight up lying to me that she wasn't. Thus, I know I would never want her back, because I know she's not trustworthy or mature enough to deserve to be with me. I lost all respect for her when I realized she's capable of lying like that.

 

Yet, I still hurt terribly with pain and loneliness and wanting for her and jealousy that she's with someone else. It's kind of strange if you think about it - you don't want them, but you do. I guess what we miss and long for is the old feelings, which could never be recaptured even if they came back.

 

It's very confusing but that's about it I guess ... we miss the "them" we thought we knew and the feelings they gave us, when in reality they don't exist anymore.

 

Eisenhower

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I've discussed this before. It's not really her you miss. I'll repost what I posted in a another thread. See if it relates to you.

 

“each friend or {in this case ex} represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~ Anais Nin"

Each ex awakens a new world inside of you, true. Those things maybe there because an ex awakened them - but they belong to you. If you were more sexual, adventurous or safe when you were with an ex, you assign that quality to him/her instead of to your own capacity for love and connection. Falling in love is only partially about the other person. Often you see yourself (and your hidden qualities) reflected in the other person, and you like what you see. This is called projection.

 

Robert Johnson explains it best in his book Balancing Heaven and Earth: “The term projection is used by Jungians to mean that each of us places some quality of our own being onto something or someone else. This psychological process works like a projector in a movie theater: you take something that is within the projection and blow it up onto the screen where you can see it more clearly.” (In other words, your good qualities can get projected onto your ex.) Johnson continues by expressing the importance of taking back that which you projected: “Relationships generally begin with this type of projection, but to be maintained they must evolve into a sustainable human love. The projection of inner gold must be gradually taken back.”

 

If your relationship didn’t grow into a “sustainable human love,” then it’s time to take back those qualities of yours that you associate only with your ex. It’s common to fear that those parts of yourself won’t exist without that person in your life, but that’s not true. Until you believe that for yourself, you keep holding on. You think you’ll be nothing without the mirror that this other person provided. But any traits that an ex helped bring out are yours to keep – whether it’s strength, a side of your sexuality that you never saw, your wit, your boldness. You don’t even need a lawyer to divide these assets. All of them are your.

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Joe Dispenza explains very well how the chemical reactions in our brains cause us to feel the things we feel. When we love someone, our brains build a neuro-network that continues to fire and build the connection. When that person leaves our life, the network is still there, trying to get its 'fix'. But it will eventually break that connection the less it's fed. That's the scientific version, anyway.

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God, what we woudln't give for a drug that would break those connections ... sort of an "anti-love potion" ... that would come in very handy.

 

Eisenhower

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God, what we woudln't give for a drug that would break those connections ... sort of an "anti-love potion" ... that would come in very handy.

 

Eisenhower

 

If you could invent that, you'd be on that top list of richest people in the world. :laugh:

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God, what we woudln't give for a drug that would break those connections ... sort of an "anti-love potion" ... that would come in very handy.

 

Eisenhower

 

I will keep advocating for a patent!

Know my ex is a horrible man but I miss who I THOUGHT he was.

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