I'm Coping Well....

[Juno]

This is where 5-6 months of NC has landed me. Let's see, this week so far I've spent 4 hours stalking him on the net. Googled every variation of his name, went to his work website and click on every link, searched facebook and myspace for his account, clocked Yahoo IM to see when he logs on, and spent an 8 hour work day locked up in my office with tears streaming down my face.

 

Whew, and if that was not enough last night I drove by his house. Noticed the porch light was on, which means he had went out for the evening, but most likely would be returning home with his date/gf to end the night romping in bed and spending the weekend doing much of the same.

 

Well, completely out of my friggin mind at this point, I decided to text him. The plan was to type out a text, then debate all night if I should send it. Somehow my plan got screwed and instead of hitting text, I hit call on my phone. When I realized I was dailing his number, I immediately hung up. So now he will have a missed call from me on his cell. So much for 5-6 months of NC.

 

Today I decided to go shopping to take my mind off of my relaspes, but I could not stop thinking about the miss call he would see on his phone. I convinced myself the only solution to this delima was to call yet again and leave a message that I phone him by mistake the night prior.

 

I knew I would get his voice mail...he has not contacted me in the past 5 months, screens his calls, and so far has not returned my missed call.

 

I am not a crazy stalker...truely. I've been strong from the past 5-6 months. I don't know what has come over me this week. Maybe I'm going insane due to the lack of sex...only 4 times this year and 3 of those times was with this ex. Insane due to a lack of sex maybe a bit of a reach, but there has to be some reason why I can't let go of this guy.

 

I'm sharing this story with you in a light hearted manner, but I am really really hurting. I'm so sad. I cannot function. My house is a mess and my mind is consumed with him.

 

I don't know what to do. The time I don't spend at work, I spend sitting in a dark room. TV on, but the sound is mute. I maybe clinically depressed, but I'm terrified to take anti-depressants.

 

I never want to love again and risk feeling this horrible if the relationship does not work out.

[LovelyDaze]

I am so sorry you are hurting.

I would definitely suggests that you DON'T call again. Just leave it at one time. Because if you call again, it would say to him that you really care about how he perceives you as in regards to him.

 

Slowly but surely, get a notebook out and write all the pros and cons about contacting him again. Think of them realistically. Especially the cons.

 

This will put things in perspective that all you can do is to do things to make your life worthwhile....because it is.

 

I've learned that my ex already demolished my heart and I can't let him do the same to my spirit. Get up on the inside and find your spirit again. If we all are on LoveShack talking about thousands of individual people that broke our hearts than obviously your ex isn't the only man on earth for you. A lot of us (including myself) have a history of EXES. People we swore we'd be with forever and yet...we meant someone loved just as much and in most cases...more.

 

Remember, you are worth being loved by someone who deserves to breathe in your space. That's a fact.

[GrayClouds]

 

I am not a crazy stalker...truely. I

 

Actually you kind of are!

 

We all have set backs. Try to figure out what has set your in action, the ho ho hum holiday's, stress at work, broken down truck your driving (ok that me). Loniness? What can you do beside a one night stand...friends family?

 

If you are depressed , anti-d can help. Stress for a long period of time really mess up you system. For the vast majority of people you only need time to be on them for a temporary period until your body start producess the right chemicals again.

 

But before meds, are you doing the other things that can help? Are you eating well? Are you getting exercise. Endorphins can really do wonders. Again, are you forcing yourself to spend time with good friends and support family?

 

Juno, like I said we all have set backs, be kind to yourself,

[Juno]

LovelyDaze, Thank you so much for your post.

 

I know I will find someone to love again, who will love me in return, but at the moment I can't open my heart to entertain prospects. I radiate unapproachabilty.

 

My ex erased all my interest in any other guy. He was not the best looking guy, and lived very modestly, but I was extremely happy claiming him as my own.

 

I want to feel happy again, or minimally just not care about him.

[LovelyDaze]

I KNOW you will find someone you will love. Right now, we ALL shouldn't date another until we get over our lousy exes anyway. That is just fair to the next person we met.

 

Please take your time and work on yourself for awhile. GrayClouds was right about analyzing what else in your life is adding to the stress. Work on those areas first because the ex just needs to remain an ex.

[Juno]

GrayClouds...OK I may have "stalker like tendencies" lol, but I don't want to be "that person". I really try to behave.

 

What has set this behavior is motion I tried to explain as a lack of sex. Guess no one will buy into to that. Could be the holiday season. Last year this time we were doing so well. Couldn't get enough of each other. Discussed living together. Now a year later he won't even take my call.

 

Gravitating to family for support is not an option. I am the proverbial pillar of strength in my family, so emotional support is a one way street not headed in my direction.

 

During my last physical, my doctor sensed I was depressed and offer to write me a Rx for anti-depressants without me asking. I declined as I am a bit of a health nut. Green Smoothies, Chlorella, Spirulina are my drugs of choice.

 

I tell myself all day he doesn't love me anymore, he's moved on and I should too, but it has little affect on how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to go next.

[GrayClouds]

GrayClouds...OK I may have "stalker like tendencies" lol, but I don't want to be "that person". I really try to behave.

 

What has set this behavior is motion I tried to explain as a lack of sex. Guess no one will buy into to that. Could be the holiday season. Last year this time we were doing so well. Couldn't get enough of each other. Discussed living together. Now a year later he won't even take my call.

 

Gravitating to family for support is not an option. I am the proverbial pillar of strength in my family, so emotional support is a one way street not headed in my direction.

 

During my last physical, my doctor sensed I was depressed and offer to write me a Rx for anti-depressants without me asking. I declined as I am a bit of a health nut. Green Smoothies, Chlorella, Spirulina are my drugs of choice.

 

I tell myself all day he doesn't love me anymore, he's moved on and I should too, but it has little affect on how I feel. I don't know what to do or where to go next.

 

So your exercising ? Large doses of Omega 3 and Vitamin D?

 

possible try St John Wart (never did a thing for me)

Edited December 13, 2009 by GrayClouds

[Juno]

He texted me and asked if everything was OK. I again stated I had dialed him in error. Late that night...much later like 11:30pm he asked if I was awake and made some comment about football. That's the best he could come up with after 6 months?

 

Don't know what to make of this. Is he testing the waters? I'm afraid to to keep the dialogue going for fear of getting hurt. But this is what I wanted...communication.

[Juno]

My heart is aching. Any thoughts???