No contact, started yesterday

[twinklecat]

Okay, so now that I finally have my own place and pretty much moved in, no contact has started. I feel kinda relieved but also a bit strange at the same time, after 5 years of seeing this guy and talking to him pretty much everyday, even though he's a douche, it's still weird.

 

I've been doing really well, got unpacked with my stuff just about straight away and making it my own, and also getting to know new people. I feel a bit lonely though, I'm hoping that will pass!

 

Hope everyone is doing well

 

Twinkle x

[professorTR]

Hi Twinkle,

 

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My story can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209069/

 

My wife and I finally started limited contact today (limited because of financial matters, etc.) and it's killing me. I did learn something about myself today though that is confirmed by my past behaviors: I crave attention all the time, even if it's negative. I found myself making up a story about being in trouble at work just so I would have something to text to my wife. Much like you I am experiencing loneliness, though it's more like isolation. Without the safety net of someone in my life reassuring me that I am a good person I just seem to crumble and get stuck in patterns of rumination. I wish I could feel the sense of relief that you describe. What is it that makes you feel relieved?

[twinklecat]

Hey there professorTR, thanks for your reply, really sorry to hear about your situation, it must be awful, after being married, I can't even imagine what that is like. Don't put yourself down, until a few weeks ago I thought the same things about being negative etc, as my ex tried to blame everything on me and once I took a step back, took him down off his pedestal, I realised he was the problem. From reading through your post, you are a good and nice person, so don't think there is no-one else out there or that things don't get better, they will

 

I don't know if you have read through my story, I've made quite a few threads, basically my ex is an emotional manipulator which had me to the point of a complete emotional wreck. He took over my life slowly but surely, until 6 weeks ago when he just ended it after 5 years. (there's other stuff too, as he left me for my so called best friend)

 

I have been extremely dependant on him and this is something I'm actively working on so as to never let myself get into a situation like this again. The relief I feel is being away from him, so I can get on with my life and be ME. It's scary as hell, but I'm doing it, and if I can do it anyone can

 

I'm sorry if i do not have a whole lot of advice, only thing I can say is the no contact route really is the best, and to push yourself to do things, keep yourself busy and talk to people. I have always bottled my feelings up, and it doesn't do you any good. I wish you all the best, take care

 

~Twinkle

[twinklecat]

2 days of no contact, and it's him who contacts me, while we're at work over something not work related and in all honesty pointless, nothing to do with the move, breakup etc, just pointless. I responded in a curteous manner (with it being in work) but didn't exactly strike up a conversation with him. I feel good in the knowledge that it hasn't been me the ohso piny clingy needy psycho ex contacting him. I do hope that it does not continue, but well I guess I was pretty frosty towards him he won't try it again!

[mickleb]

Hey Twinky

 

I'm very happy for you that you've moved into your new place.

 

What a needy so-and-so your ex is - craves attention, doesn't he?

 

You will be lonely for a bit. You have a lot of adjusting to do, with your new life. Some of it is a bit nerve-wracking, doing things like going to the cinema or a restaurant by yourself but that liberation you talk about - it feels good. You know with each step you take you build a stronger, calmer, more brilliant you.

 

Stick some Christmas decorations up, won't you? I've decided to 'reclaim Christmas' - it was bringing me down but now I've got my tree up, I feel a whole lot cheerier.

 

Your new year is going to be a really exciting one. A whole new decade and a whole new you. x

[twinklecat]

Thanks Mickleb I'm really happy about the new place too! Yeah it's strange, but it's my little place and loving how it's so much closer to work!

 

Yes he does crave attention, but he didn't get much of it, I replied to him (more out of having to, because of being at work) but didn't take the conversation any further. If he keeps doing it, I will see someone at work about it, not something I normally do, but he is just trying to mess with me.

 

I have plans to put xmas decorations up hehehe! Also I am looking forward to new years, didn't realise it untill you put it there, it is a new decade, so it signifies even more of a fresh start!

[twinklecat]

Okay so phew, I'm knackered! Finally finshed the entire move off, that's it all done and dusted, keys left behind and THANK GOD!!

 

Of course he was there today, he didn't really need to be, but well he was, I was civil towards him until he started being an ass expecting me to clean HIS and HER mess up, I don't think so mister! Had a bit of a row with him, seems the only way I can get through to him that I aint standing for his crap anymore! I Made sure I cleaned my room and any of my mess, boo hoo that you have ohso much to clean up, NOT MY MESS AND NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

 

So yeah, all stuff in new place, shattered as did so much today, I feel absolutely great, what a relief and I have so much to look forward to!!

 

NC has gone great on my part, he's contacted me twice to chat about random crap and also to ask stuff about the move that I told him already - kept it brief, and to the point. Uh I just don't want anything to do with him anymore! Now that I've moved, that will be the end of it, yay to freedom!

[mickleb]

Yay!

 

Really, really pleased for you, Twink.

 

Next time he contacts you, you can say 'Can you make this the last time you speak to me, please? We've got nothing we need to discuss. I'm out of your life, as you wanted and you're out of mine. And that suits me fine!'

 

You can be civil at work but only for business reasons. Ignore him if he just wants to catch up. He has no right to behave as though you're his friend.

 

Enjoy resting from you big move in complete peace, away from him.

 

Well done, lady. x

[twinklecat]

Thanks mickleb

 

I am so proud of myself that I managed to get this far, 2 months ago I would never have dreamed it in a million years! On my way to a much happier me. It's hard at times still, but determined to get through this!

 

I'm still sticking with no contact, it really does help! Have heard from mutual friends though that he's been fishing for info about me, to which he was apaprently told it had nothing to do with him, and I told the mutual friends I didn't want to know anything about him etc, so to just not discuss him. I haven't had all that much time to think about him because I have just been that busy what with moving and also went xmas shopping yesterday, was bliss on my own, no-one breathing down my neck telling me to hurry and I could just buy what I wanted ^^

 

The game is up with him, I know what he is and I am so much better off without!

 

I'm really wishing you a fab xmas and new years mickleb, new decade, lets make it ours! ^^

[nobmagnet]

Amenxx

seasons greetings

 

the best new year you will ever have too.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twinklecat]

Thanks nobmagnet

 

I wish you a fab xmas and new years too! How are you doing? Have been reading through your story, hope you're okay

 

~Twinkle x

[GrayClouds]

Thanks nobmagnet

 

I wish you a fab xmas and new years too! How are you doing? Have been reading through your story, hope you're okay

 

~Twinkle x

 

Sorry Twinkle, but we are your not allow to use the word "fab" in the coping forum. It just to cute and we are trying to be miserable here. In fact your screen name alone is kind of pushing things...

[twinklecat]

Sorry Twinkle, but we are your not allow to use the word "fab" in the coping forum. It just to cute and we are trying to be miserable here. In fact your screen name alone is kind of pushing things...

 

Hehe sorry, well I can be a cute positive Christmas fairy or something? Have discovered this positive thinking lark really does wonders!

[twinklecat]

Uh just had one of those un-expected bump ins. He slowed down as if he was going to talk or something and I just carried on, walked past him, so glad minutes before I was telling myself smile smile smile!

[twinklecat]

Merry Christmas all! I know a day late but have been sooo busy the past few days haven't had a chance to get online!

 

How is everyone? I have had a lovely time back here with my family, last night though I got really upset, it just seems to come over you outta no-where and feels like you have been hit by a truck! I have stayed NC though, it's now at something like 2 weeks, don't even know how long exactly. Xmas eve, finally deleted him off fb, deleted numbers etc etc. So yeah, here's hoping to a much better year this year! xx

[nobmagnet]

good for you my love!!!!!!

 

glad you had a cool yule. My crimble was the best ever, the most realxed happy ect till lowly turned up.! grrrrrrrrr

 

anyhoo I have sent my lambs to the slaughter and am sh*tting myself what will be done/said. We will see. If owt happens then I have to open a can of whoop ass. And I will.

Glad your busy and having as much fun as you can twink

 

neet xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mickleb]

Happy Belated Christmas to you to, my dear!

 

Wanted to let you know that I had a really great day yesterday then (so unexpectedly) managed to sob myself to sleep! Bleurgh. It certainly will just get ya when it wants to, eh? (Have figured it all out now, though, so back to operational mode quite happily, once again.)

 

Think you're doing just great. Well done to you! x

[twinklecat]

Thanks both of you, really glad to hear you had such good days!

 

Mickleb, I really did not expect to get so upset, as I had been SO happy, and it just went BAM! I let it out though, and felt better after. Still on NC I feel a tad bit in limbo though, just plodding along, whilst also trying to push myself at work. Generally I am happier since I have moved out, but gah, it's just so hard sometimes. He just pops in my head and it's like GRRR get out!!!!!

[twinklecat]

A bit belated (had communication issues, net died, phone died, the lot lol) but happy new year all! Hope you had a good one, and the start of 2010 has been good so far!

 

My New Years was quiet, spent the day tidying the apartment, cooked for housemate and had like one drink, so quite a quiet new years for me, but nice

 

Still on NC (I think it's just under a month, not entirely sure, stopped counting the days) it does really help, but this past week, uh I dunno have just been thinking about him quite a bit. Plus had a bit of an arguement with my sis on the phone yesterday, which has upset me. She's heavily Pregnant, so I'll put it down to that.

 

All in all things are going well. Have been out socializing with friends, and work is going well too. Most of the apartment stuff now is sorted, infact this week has been the first week I've been able to just rest, and I have done quiet a bit of sleeping!

[GrayClouds]

Well it sounds like your moving forward and healing. Which also means your letting go and every time we let go we grieve a bit. So two steps forward one step back, but all and all this disco dance is a funky frolic towards a happier future. Take pride girl your doing it.

[mickleb]

A bit belated (had communication issues, net died, phone died, the lot lol) but happy new year all! Hope you had a good one, and the start of 2010 has been good so far!

 

My New Years was quiet, spent the day tidying the apartment, cooked for housemate and had like one drink, so quite a quiet new years for me, but nice

 

Still on NC (I think it's just under a month, not entirely sure, stopped counting the days) it does really help, but this past week, uh I dunno have just been thinking about him quite a bit. Plus had a bit of an arguement with my sis on the phone yesterday, which has upset me. She's heavily Pregnant, so I'll put it down to that.

 

All in all things are going well. Have been out socializing with friends, and work is going well too. Most of the apartment stuff now is sorted, infact this week has been the first week I've been able to just rest, and I have done quiet a bit of sleeping!

 

Hello there Twinker

 

Happy New Year!

 

I had a quiet one of those, too but hassle and hangover-free (despite the odd champagne cocktail.. )

 

January can be like this, can't it? Nothing much happening, all the bright promises you make to yourself in the weeks leading up to it, turning to sludge, just one week in.

 

January is the month when we get bombarded with adverts about detoxing and working out to the Pussycat Dolls on DVD. Why? Because there's not much else we're expected to do, really. Just to recover from the party season, get our heads down and get on with our lives.

 

You don't have to ''sieze the day'' every day. You can just chillax (that word is ridiculous but somehow addictively so..), have rows with your preggers sis and get your flat looking purdy. Watching a LOT of trashy TV is recommended, too.

 

You're doing great, Twin. Don't fret, my sweet. x

[twinklecat]

Thanks to you both I feel I am moving forward and it is getting easier, but I do still have very down moments, which I realise are normal, even though my sis was pretty heartless the other week basically saying "it's been awhile now, get over it" but like I said, she's heavily pregnant, so she's not really herself at the moment, and is very emotional herself.

 

So yeah, work is still going well, I feel i'm actually starting to improve even moreso! I've had numerous comments from friends (both male and female) about how much better I look and the amount of weight I have lost - seems eating healthy and walking to and from work pays off! ^^

 

Had a bit of a situation at work yesterday though. Me and the ex best friend (who ex is now with) had to work together (other colleagues aswell, so we weren't alone) I thought fine, not particularly happy, but well I can be professional.

 

Everything was fine until later on, she had a go at me. This was witnessed by others, and they were quite shocked. I just ignored it completely, did not retaliate, and got on with my work. I thought it would upset me, but nope it didn't. It comes across that she feels threatened by me, and that she cannot be professional - which I can be And as much I dislike the girl for all the lies, I don't feel threatened or feel the need to put her down in a work environment like that. So I feel like it's a win to me!

[gaudi]

HAHAHA nice one. You've proved there that you are obviously the bigger person in all of this. Well done to you I say.

 

If her having a go in work becomes a regular thing, then something should be done. But then again if she's doing it right in front of everyone and they're all noticing too, then she'll be doing enough to drop herself in it anyway.

 

Glad you're coping well and moving on !!

[twinklecat]

Thanks gaudi I am really pleased with myself, how I handled the situation! And ya know what? It's been one of the best things to happen. Since then I have just strated to feel incredibly at peace with myself. No more heavy feeling, misery. I'm starting to relax and actually enjoying doing my own thing, getting to know me again!

 

And don't worry, if her behaviour continues, I will be doing something about it

[twinklecat]

Just ugh, seriously. I have had a massive relapse in how I feel tonight. Went out with some work friends, and ofc he is brought into the conversation, people asking me where he is...why isn't he with me? My god he hasn't told anyone...and it just hurts, that I have to explain to people what has happened. I see him and her together alot at work, and I just feel at times I cannot take this!!!