the only way out is through it, keep looking forward

[4givrnt4gtr]

I realized something.....the times Ive "relapsed" is when I allow myself to look back, to reread old letters and things that remind me of my relationship.

It is then that I ask myself how in the world did all that end, how is it possible its completely over, when it looked like we were so in love. How could distance get in between like that. All the promises, all the plans, all ripped apart like nothing.

 

Stop looking back. Stop yourself from going down memory lane, stop yourself from remembering what they looked like, what they felt like. Stop. You cant walk forward when you keep looking backwards.

 

I was fine tonight, until I reread an email I sent a friend, describing how happy i was, how in love i was and how i had never felt like that before. How happy he made me.

I remember when I wrote that. It transported me to that day, he was with me, sitting on the opposite end reading a book and playing with my toes. I felt so safe and happy. I felt like I finally found what i had been looking for for so long. That memory broke my heart all over again to the point that Im shaking with how painful it is.

 

SO stop yourselves from looking back. Its like going throught it all over and over again when once was more than enough.

 

Bit of painful wisdom. Hope you people are having a better week than I.

[kickintheaz]

well posted... I've been realising that the last week, am on day 7 NC today after 8 months of wishing, wanting hoping, pleading, begging, talking, thinking..

 

I was relapsing last night cos of several things I saw that reminded me of times I had been with her...

 

BUT, I didn't break and contact her and after near 4 years of having her at the end of the phone every day (and for this year I realise now it was all about her and the fact she had access to me after break up, 'cake' and 'eating it' comes to mind)...

 

the hope is still there, but its fading, thank god, cos it brought nothing but pain to me... the past is for learning from not living in..

 

I raise a glass with you and the rest of LS.. "To the Future"..

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

That is very true. I delayed my healing by looking back. I think nearly every time I fell back into darkness and tears was when I looked back at what was.

 

The only light is forward on the horizon, keep facing it and walking towards it....and try to have moments of fun on the journey.

 

*raises a silent toast to the future*

[TaraMaiden]

I tell people this.

 

I tell them that progress or staying stuck, are choices.

I tell them to change their thinking patterns, and to halt the self-sabotaging, self-destructive painful thoughts and to steer the stream in a different direction.

I tell them that in order to move on, they need to release themselves from the obligation of thinking these things.

I tell them to regain mastery and control of their own lives and thoughts, rather than abdicating them to a memory.....

 

I get slammed down, criticised, told I'm uncaring, unfeeling, spouting Life philosophy and that it's not what they either want or need to hear.

 

But it is.

And you're right.

And I applaud and salute you for 'getting it'.

One step at a time.

Just one.

But always, always forward.

[Ms. Joolie]

My mentality since day 1 of the break up was pushing forward, but it took a much longer time to actually start moving forward.

 

We can tell ourselves one thing, but we have to actually put actions behind our commitments.

 

* We have to let go of those emails.

I erased all his emails.

 

* We have to stop looking over their social network pages.

I'm on one month of not looking at his twitter or other sites where I know he's at.

* We have to stop replying to them, stop answering their phone calls.

After weeks and weeks, I finally accomplished a No Reply on his Dec.1 email. I felt very empowered by that, as if I had finally stopped that cycle of wanting him. Not replying was a rejection of that cycle, that endless and pointless cycle. I blocked his email address as well.

 

 

 

....I just want to say NO to the memories, and move forward. I want to say NO to all the inclinations of wanting him, missing him. Saying NO with real actions was what mattered most for me, and helped me let go so that I could move forward.

 

So in my case, it was easy not contacting him, but harder to say not be inclined to think about him, check him out on the internet, reply and hope with each email. It's the other half of the NC that I had a harder time with. Once I got all that in check, I really felt a conclusion to the relationship.

 

 

Here's to moving forward to all of us!