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Just completely miserable today


onewillburn

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-For some reason I've been really irritable and anxious today. Just don't want to be seen or talked to and can't be bothered about anything. Needless to say, this is counterproductive to my needs.

-I look like ****.

-I feel like I'm wasting my youth, and that my future is ****ed.

-I didn't have any energy at the gym, so my workout sucked.

-I caved and looked at my exes' friends facebook and saw that my ex is now in a band and that they're playing a show (there was an event thing for it and her friend is apparently attending).

 

I feel kind of bummed that she is in a band, playing shows and I'm not. I taught her everything she knows about music. I taught her how to play the guitar. I used to play shows in a band. Now she is playing in a band with a bunch of guys and will probably get all sorts of undeserved attention. I really shouldn't care what she's doing, but it still makes me feel like ****.

 

Typing it all out makes me feel a little better, but I still feel crappy. Ugh. Worthless day. I feel so anxious again...

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(((((hugs))))) both of you.

I feel lonely this evening, feeling rejected, abandoned, tearful, p***** off :mad: I feel unloveable, and feel like I was just there until he met better people than me, ie the bunch of friends (women) who were my friends originally and have chosen to support him and not me, thoughtless *******

I feel really worthless.

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There must be a strange moon or something today, because I'm noticing a lot of us feel blue (much more than usual)

 

 

Probably has something to do with the approaching holiday season...a time when people bond and get closer...when we have no one to share it with, while our exes are spending the time with someone new...

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^ It's possible.

 

I feel miserable and lonely. I feel like I've been injured, like I'm still in a nightmare world or something. What the hell happened? I had all of these ideas for things I wanted to do the next time I played live...and she pretty much stole all of them according to the pictures. I don't know why she would do that. The last time we spoke, she told me she was going to use this song that I pretty much wrote (she wrote one guitar part for it and half of the words, I structured it, wrote the melody, drums, other instruments, etc). I was like, "...are you serious? I don't know how I feel about that." Doesn't anybody have any integrity anymore? I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. If I were to leave somebody like that, I would make sure I didn't take all of their ideas. Christ.

 

The worst part is that the things that usually make me feel better aren't doing anything right now. I feel so competitive, but that isn't right. I feel conflicted in the sense that I want to play music live again, but I don't want to just rush out and do all of these shows to spite her. I really want to hone my skills and come back out with a good set of songs. I feel a little jealous, which I don't like. I feel kind of wronged, which I probably shouldn't. And the anxiety isn't helping any of it.

 

Sigh.

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