Responded to him

[EricaH329]

Yes, I responded to him. I felt like it was something that I needed to do. I'm not quite sure why i'm posting this in the coping forum, considering this really doesn't have much to do with coping, but i'm in a rush so this is where it's going.

 

He tried small talk, but I kept my answers short. He said that the convo seemed awkward and asked if it would ever go back to the way it was before. I told him probably not, and that it would be for the best if we left the past alone. We had a great time together, and it was a good experience to have, and now it just needs to be done.

 

He said that he still loves me, and he is having a very difficult time moving on. He said his feelings for me just won't go away, no matter how hard he tries. And then he said the words that i've been dreading to hear.

 

"I have no one in my life. I am alone."

This was the main reason why it was so hard for me to begin NC. I knew he didn't have anyone to go to. I knew that he was going through a lot, mentally, and there wasn't anyone he could talk to about it.

 

Now I feel incredibly guilty. I do still love him and it pains me to hear that he is left all alone in trying to figure out what's wrong with him.

 

I broke down and told him that i'm always here for him if he needs anyone. He responded with "No, I don't want to be your pity case. If you want me out of your life, i'll leave. I'm not happy about it, but if that's what makes you happy then that's all that matters. Know that I still love you and no one will ever replace you."

 

Haven't heard from him since that.

 

I feel terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sean1970]

Yes, I responded to him. I felt like it was something that I needed to do. I'm not quite sure why i'm posting this in the coping forum, considering this really doesn't have much to do with coping, but i'm in a rush so this is where it's going.

 

He tried small talk, but I kept my answers short. He said that the convo seemed awkward and asked if it would ever go back to the way it was before. I told him probably not, and that it would be for the best if we left the past alone. We had a great time together, and it was a good experience to have, and now it just needs to be done.

 

He said that he still loves me, and he is having a very difficult time moving on. He said his feelings for me just won't go away, no matter how hard he tries. And then he said the words that i've been dreading to hear.

 

"I have no one in my life. I am alone."

This was the main reason why it was so hard for me to begin NC. I knew he didn't have anyone to go to. I knew that he was going through a lot, mentally, and there wasn't anyone he could talk to about it.

 

Now I feel incredibly guilty. I do still love him and it pains me to hear that he is left all alone in trying to figure out what's wrong with him.

 

I broke down and told him that i'm always here for him if he needs anyone. He responded with "No, I don't want to be your pity case. If you want me out of your life, i'll leave. I'm not happy about it, but if that's what makes you happy then that's all that matters. Know that I still love you and no one will ever replace you."

 

Haven't heard from him since that.

 

I feel terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

If you really dont want to be with him anymore, or you dont believe anything has changed for the better, what else could you have done?

 

I imagine you feel 'terrible' because you think you hurt him now?

[EricaH329]

If you really dont want to be with him anymore, or you dont believe anything has changed for the better, what else could you have done?

 

I imagine you feel 'terrible' because you think you hurt him now?

 

When you see someone you love in pain, it hurts. Especially if you are the only one they can talk to about things.

 

I love him. I do not want to be with him anymore, but all the same, it's very sad for me to watch him go down this terrible path and me being the only one he can talk to, is telling him that I don't want anything to do with him.

 

I feel like I need to be there for support.

[sean1970]

I love him. I do not want to be with him anymore, but all the same, it's very sad for me to watch him go down this terrible path and me being the only one he can talk to, is telling him that I don't want anything to do with him.

 

I feel like I need to be there for support.

 

If you really look at it, didn't you just do the best thing for him? Is this not the 'closure' everyone seems to want? Isn't this the healing point he will look back on?

 

Plenty of us went through the breadcrumb factory more than once and many here hate the ex for throwing them to us. Probably should have held back the "Ill always be here for you" (hope) but it is a far cry from the selfishness others have gotten...

 

It is hard to see right now, but you did the right thing for him too...

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hey Erica,

 

I thought you might like to know you are one of the posters on here that I feel the most for

 

I realise you are feeling guilty. This shows you are highly sensitive and have a huge capacity for love and kindness. You do not want to hurt him in any way and that is commendable. However it was his decision to be single and so if he is alone, it is his doing. If he wants to be with you, he would be.

 

It doesn't add up that he is alone and sad and miserable but yet can't be with you either. If he loved you enough or was truly that low he would be with you or at least try to make things work.

 

You have to put yourself first because no-one else in the world will. It may be difficult for us sensitive people but please put all your love onto you. He can end his misery anyday by trying again with you.

[HeavenOrHell]

Hi Erica, horrible situation

I often feel I have no-one turn to, much like your ex.

Me and my ex used to go to each other when we had problems in our lives, now I feel I can't really go to him, especially if I am upset about him (he left me), I sent an angry hurtful text the other day as he hangs out with a group of friends who were my friends initially and I introduced him to them and now those friends support him but not me, I feel incredibly alone. The text was saying how hurt I felt by that and saying at least one of us has a group of friends to turn to for hugs and support, and none of them have any idea how I feel.

He was hurt by the text I sent and he said surely you have someone else you can talk to about this.

Actually no, sometimes there is no-one else.

BUT, I do not want him to pity me or feel sorry for me, I want to show him I am strong.

He left as my life was so busy I neglected him/us.

My ex loves me but not in love, he said his feelings for me wore away bit by but as he thought I didn't love or need him anymore.

Can I ask how you feel towards your ex, you love him but not in love? Could your in love feelings be in there somewhere still, or do you just KNOW you could never be in love with him again?

Can hurt cause your heart to shut down the in love feelings, so that you don't have to hurt anymore?

Do you fancy him still?

 

If you want to be there for your ex as a friend do you think it would help or hinder him?

Is there any way back for you or has it gone beyond that, issues which can't be resolved?

[EricaH329]

Thanks for all the responses!! You have all brought up very good points, and i'd like to comment on them...

 

If you really look at it, didn't you just do the best thing for him? Is this not the 'closure' everyone seems to want? Isn't this the healing point he will look back on?

 

Plenty of us went through the breadcrumb factory more than once and many here hate the ex for throwing them to us. Probably should have held back the "Ill always be here for you" (hope) but it is a far cry from the selfishness others have gotten...

 

It is hard to see right now, but you did the right thing for him too...

 

I'm not sure you believe me when I say that my intentions aren't to get him back.

 

I do understand what you are saying though. Maybe me not talking to him would allow him to move on and heal. Although, at the same time, he will endure much pain trying to sort things out on his own. I want to lessen that pain, not for selfish reasons, but because I love him and don't want to see him hurting.

 

This is a tough decision.

 

Hey Erica,

 

I thought you might like to know you are one of the posters on here that I feel the most for

 

I realise you are feeling guilty. This shows you are highly sensitive and have a huge capacity for love and kindness. You do not want to hurt him in any way and that is commendable. However it was his decision to be single and so if he is alone, it is his doing. If he wants to be with you, he would be.

 

It doesn't add up that he is alone and sad and miserable but yet can't be with you either. If he loved you enough or was truly that low he would be with you or at least try to make things work.

 

You have to put yourself first because no-one else in the world will. It may be difficult for us sensitive people but please put all your love onto you. He can end his misery anyday by trying again with you.

 

Thank you very much!

 

I understand what you are saying. But, I feel like I should explain a little bit more about our situation.

 

Since he is going through some sort of 'crisis' within himself, he feels as though he is not strong enough to hold a long distance relationship. I don't blame him, it's hard for normal people to have a LDR, let alone someone who is going through so much turmoil within themselves.

 

That being said, I feel as though I understand where he is coming from (to an extent) but know more than anything else that he is in need of support.

 

I have always been the one person that he can come to in time of need. I am the only person that 'really understands him' (as he put it).

 

I feel miserable knowing that i'm not standing there by his side while he is going through all of this.

 

Hi Erica, horrible situation

I often feel I have no-one turn to, much like your ex.

Me and my ex used to go to each other when we had problems in our lives, now I feel I can't really go to him, especially if I am upset about him (he left me), I sent an angry hurtful text the other day as he hangs out with a group of friends who were my friends initially and I introduced him to them and now those friends support him but not me, I feel incredibly alone. The text was saying how hurt I felt by that and saying at least one of us has a group of friends to turn to for hugs and support, and none of them have any idea how I feel.

He was hurt by the text I sent and he said surely you have someone else you can talk to about this.

Actually no, sometimes there is no-one else.

BUT, I do not want him to pity me or feel sorry for me, I want to show him I am strong.

He left as my life was so busy I neglected him/us.

My ex loves me but not in love, he said his feelings for me wore away bit by but as he thought I didn't love or need him anymore.

Can I ask how you feel towards your ex, you love him but not in love? Could your in love feelings be in there somewhere still, or do you just KNOW you could never be in love with him again?

Can hurt cause your heart to shut down the in love feelings, so that you don't have to hurt anymore?

Do you fancy him still?

 

If you want to be there for your ex as a friend do you think it would help or hinder him?

Is there any way back for you or has it gone beyond that, issues which can't be resolved?

 

I feel terrible for you. My ex is in the same exact position you are in.

 

I am no longer in love with him, although, I do love him.

 

I know that if I remain friends with him... 2 things will happen.

 

1 - He will not move on as quickly as he should.

 

2 - He will have someone to talk to about all the things he needs to let out.

 

It's a lose-lose.

 

I don't want to talk to him for my own selfish reasons of trying to get over him. But, more than that... if he is having problems then I need to be there for him. I can't live with the thought of him hurting more than he is already because I wasn't there for him. I just can't.

[jerseyboy]

I do actually sympathize with what you are going through.

 

Dated someone for many years who didnt have any family except for two elderly parents, and no friends really to speak of really, and even that I felt as if was my fault. She always had some insecurities, didnt trust her friends aroudn me, so just stopped spending time with them and let the relationships go no matter how much I encouraged her to spend time with them.

 

I think , no actually know, we ended up spending years together after I would have likely left because I felt as if I was completely abandoning her if I left. The fact that she kept telling me I would be completely abandoning her with no one in her life was likely the reason I fet that way:)

 

Honestly, you just have to break off contact altogether. Hell move on trust me.

[EricaH329]

Honestly, you just have to break off contact altogether. Hell move on trust me.

 

He just contacted me telling me that he needs me in his life right now because of the fact that there is no one there for him.

 

I can't just back away at this point. I cannot let him suffer. I'll deal with moving on on my own time... right now he needs me in his life.

 

Everything that you and everyone else is saying makes a TON of sense. And to be honest, I would be giving the same advice to anyone else... but this is different.

 

I know, I know... everyone says that... but I literally cannot bring myself to ignore someone who is reaching out for me with tears in their eyes. I just can't. Maybe that makes me weak, or whatever else you want to call it, but I don't think I can live with that guilt.

[carhill]

He just contacted me telling me that he needs me in his life right now because of the fact that there is no one there for him.

 

Part of his growth path is making new friends and developing other relationships outside of his primary romantic one. IMO, it's counterproductive to make this easier for him at the cost of your own path and growth.

 

I've faced that growth and path during divorce with my only family member living in a psychiatric facility and not speaking whole words or recognizing me anymore. I would not burden my stbx with such requests or such tears, even though I am an emotional man. It's not her burden. It's mine.

 

And so it will be his, even if it kills him. You just can't be responsible for others to the detriment of yourself. I felt this during the early stages of the divorce process, like I had to make everything right for my stbx, but I now see how unhealthy that was. She had no such compunction or feeling. I admire her consistency

 

However, since you will not accept this advice, we will be here to support you

[EricaH329]

Part of his growth path is making new friends and developing other relationships outside of his primary romantic one. IMO, it's counterproductive to make this easier for him at the cost of your own path and growth.

 

I've faced that growth and path during divorce with my only family member living in a psychiatric facility and not speaking whole words or recognizing me anymore. I would not burden my stbx with such requests or such tears, even though I am an emotional man. It's not her burden. It's mine.

 

And so it will be his, even if it kills him. You just can't be responsible for others to the detriment of yourself. I felt this during the early stages of the divorce process, like I had to make everything right for my stbx, but I now see how unhealthy that was. She had no such compunction or feeling. I admire her consistency

 

However, since you will not accept this advice, we will be here to support you

 

What you are saying makes complete sense. 100%!! And maybe in a few days, or weeks, or whatever... i'll be able to come to that same understanding.

 

Unfortunatly, i've realized a not-so-perfect characteristic of myself, and that being that my emotions over-rule any logical aspect of a situation.

 

Logically, yes... I probably shouldn't continue talking to him and helping him out. I should probably force him to find someone else to take my spot.

 

Emotionally, I am incapable of doing that. The guilt I feel over powers any sense of logic.

 

It's extremely obvious that he is very much still in love with me, I can tell by all the comments he has left on his facebook page (referring to how he is upset because I am not in his life).

 

Maybe i'm too nurturing of others emotions. I've been told that many times before, but I can't help it. Hopefully i'll learn one day.

 

I appreciate the support and advice I am receiving. Thank you all!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hooray for Erica's fanclub!

 

I had to do searches to figure out where (= "on which threads") she was these days.

 

To address the issue here directly, I think that Ms. Erica has a strong, strong appreciation for what truly is "her emotional investment IN her ex", and not as much an investment in that ex himself.

 

It often looks and plays the same out on the field, but if there were areas of dissatisfaction for Erica, then she would be unfair to herself to re-evaluate HIS worthiness of her romantic company were those points of dissatisfaction not fully resolved.

 

However, she is not wrong for continuing to value her own (independent) emotional investment IN him, to any extent which she sees fit.

 

Recognizing and knowing the difference is key...

[EricaH329]

Hooray for Erica's fanclub!

 

I had to do searches to figure out where (= "on which threads") she was these days.

 

To address the issue here directly, I think that Ms. Erica has a strong, strong appreciation for what truly is "her emotional investment IN her ex", and not as much an investment in that ex himself.

 

It often looks and plays the same out on the field, but if there were areas of dissatisfaction for Erica, then she would be unfair to herself to re-evaluate HIS worthiness of her romantic company were those points of dissatisfaction not fully resolved.

 

However, she is not wrong for continuing to value her own (independent) emotional investment IN him, to any extent which she sees fit.

 

Recognizing and knowing the difference is key...

 

I couldn't have said it better myself!!

 

I have issues of my own that I have to deal with while talking to him, but it's selfish of me if I were to bring them up... considering the fact that i'm remaining in contact with him because of issues he needs help with.

 

I care about him deeply, and I care about his well being. If he is having mental issues and he believes that talking to me will help, then I am here for him. Just as I would be for any old best friends or family.

[DenverBachelor]

I couldn't have said it better myself!!

 

I have issues of my own that I have to deal with while talking to him, but it's selfish of me if I were to bring them up... considering the fact that i'm remaining in contact with him because of issues he needs help with.

 

I care about him deeply, and I care about his well being. If he is having mental issues and he believes that talking to me will help, then I am here for him. Just as I would be for any old best friends or family.

 

It's like being being chased down the street by a crazy ax wielding maniac and then going to a therapy session only to find out that the guy in the white coat was the ax wielding maniac (no offense to you Erica).

 

It is counter-productive to use the source of your grief for grief release. That's like trying to use a flash light in a pitch black room to find the batteries for your empty flash light. You're looking for something you need to have the ability to find what you're looking for again. That's not therapy, that's an endless loop.

 

He needs to get therapy and move on with his life and you should offer suggestions or help him get into therapy and then remove yourself from his life.

 

How is he going to use your support to heal the pain of eventually losing your support? Maybe I'm just stupid and don't see the light in this one. I'm still looking for the batteries.

[HeavenOrHell]

Erica, I don't think you're the right person for him to turn to if the reason he is in bits is over your break up? Or does he have other issues going on too?

My ex can't help me get over him, how could he? He's caused me to feel hurt by leaving me, how can he make that better? I don't have much support but I can't turn to him for it.

I know you really care about your ex, but could he not see a therapist instead as DB suggested?

I realise what a horribly tough situation this is

[EricaH329]

How is he going to use your support to heal the pain of eventually losing your support?

 

I understand what you are saying. It all makes perfect sense. However, he is not coming to me because he is upset over our break up. He is coming to me because he doesn't know which direction in life to take. He is talking to me about his problems, i'm assuming because he has no one else he feels comfortable enough to tell them to.

 

I'm under the impression that it helps to just talk things out sometimes (makes sense, right?) I could be wrong since I am not a therapist, but the most I can do for him is be there for him when he needs someone to vent to.

 

Erica, I don't think you're the right person for him to turn to if the reason he is in bits is over your break up? Or does he have other issues going on too?

My ex can't help me get over him, how could he? He's caused me to feel hurt by leaving me, how can he make that better? I don't have much support but I can't turn to him for it.

I know you really care about your ex, but could he not see a therapist instead as DB suggested?

I realise what a horribly tough situation this is

 

I am considering suggesting the idea of therapy. Although, I don't know how much good that will do, he is a very prideful man.

 

I think he needs the comfort of knowing that there is someone in his life to go to, in case he needs it. I do not like the idea of being the run-to person for that reason, but I do feel as though it's my responsibility.

 

When I say responsibility, I do not mean that I feel as if i'm forced into doing this. I feel as though I have this emotional investment (as sincere said) to him, as he does me, and it would be unfair to both of us if we ignored it for the sake of moving on. I have this responsibility to be there for him when he needs it the most.

 

I'm beginning to think that all of this is making me sound crazy. It makes perfect sense to me though.

[XKatieX]

I haven't read all the posts in here so I'm sorry if I missed this, but what exactly made you fall out of love for your ex? Drinking problems, addiction problems? If it's too personal and you don't want to say that's fine too.

 

I think though, and you said it yourself that he sees you as a nurturing person and knows that you will take him under your wing. The only way to break this obviously is no contact, and he will stop coming back to you. IMO, I think you should simply suggest to him therapy, to get help and just get out there. If you don't want to be with him anymore, and want to get him over it would be best just to not talk to him, period. If you think helping him out will be the best thing for you though, you do what you feel you need to do.

 

Off topic: I am from Maryland too!

[EricaH329]

I haven't read all the posts in here so I'm sorry if I missed this, but what exactly made you fall out of love for your ex? Drinking problems, addiction problems? If it's too personal and you don't want to say that's fine too.

 

I think though, and you said it yourself that he sees you as a nurturing person and knows that you will take him under your wing. The only way to break this obviously is no contact, and he will stop coming back to you. IMO, I think you should simply suggest to him therapy, to get help and just get out there. If you don't want to be with him anymore, and want to get him over it would be best just to not talk to him, period. If you think helping him out will be the best thing for you though, you do what you feel you need to do.

 

Off topic: I am from Maryland too!

 

I haven't fallen out of love with him. I do still love him, although I am not in love with him. If that makes sense to you.

 

I am beginning to think that me being in his life, to him, is an added bonus. Sort of like, he doesn't really need me, it's just great to have me.

 

I was under the impression that he needed me in his life to be able to cope with all of the stresses he has.

 

Tonight though, made me think otherwise.

 

Him and I had a huge misunderstanding, which he cleared up, and I had sent him an e-mail explaining that everything is understood, and he hasn't e-mailed me back.

 

I feel very juvenile right now. None of this should matter. I am here for him because he needs me....

 

Or does he??

 

Maybe he needs me out of pure selfishness, which I haven't yet considered.

 

I thought that he needed me because he truly needed me. Not because of any other reason.

 

Maybe i'm a complete idiot. Maybe i'm too giving. Maybe all of this needs to end because he is taking advantage of my kindness??

 

BTW -- what part of MD??

[Odyssey]

I am beginning to think that me being in his life, to him, is an added bonus. Sort of like, he doesn't really need me, it's just great to have me.

 

I was under the impression that he needed me in his life to be able to cope with all of the stresses he has.

This is how it should be. They are the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. You cannot count on someone to make you happy, they can only enhance it.

 

Maybe i'm a complete idiot. Maybe i'm too giving. Maybe all of this needs to end because he is taking advantage of my kindness??

'Give and take'...it's difficult to balance and get it right in every situation. So no...you're no idiot!

[rickigal]

Yes, I responded to him. I felt like it was something that I needed to do. I'm not quite sure why i'm posting this in the coping forum, considering this really doesn't have much to do with coping, but i'm in a rush so this is where it's going.

 

He tried small talk, but I kept my answers short. He said that the convo seemed awkward and asked if it would ever go back to the way it was before. I told him probably not, and that it would be for the best if we left the past alone. We had a great time together, and it was a good experience to have, and now it just needs to be done.

 

He said that he still loves me, and he is having a very difficult time moving on. He said his feelings for me just won't go away, no matter how hard he tries. And then he said the words that i've been dreading to hear.

 

"I have no one in my life. I am alone."

This was the main reason why it was so hard for me to begin NC. I knew he didn't have anyone to go to. I knew that he was going through a lot, mentally, and there wasn't anyone he could talk to about it.

 

Now I feel incredibly guilty. I do still love him and it pains me to hear that he is left all alone in trying to figure out what's wrong with him.

 

I broke down and told him that i'm always here for him if he needs anyone. He responded with "No, I don't want to be your pity case. If you want me out of your life, i'll leave. I'm not happy about it, but if that's what makes you happy then that's all that matters. Know that I still love you and no one will ever replace you."

 

Haven't heard from him since that.

 

I feel terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hun, I feel for you. It is hard to see someone we love in pain. But the fact that you haven't heard from him since then should tell you something. Maybe this will help you move on a bit.

[EricaH329]

This is how it should be. They are the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. You cannot count on someone to make you happy, they can only enhance it.

 

I think I worded it wrong, what I mean to say is that I feel as though he is taking advantage of me. Sort of like... he doesn't feel like his life is complete unless i'm in it in some way shape or form. And since I am there for him now, our friendship is on his terms. If that makes any sense.

 

 

Hun, I feel for you. It is hard to see someone we love in pain. But the fact that you haven't heard from him since then should tell you something. Maybe this will help you move on a bit.

 

Well i've talked to him since then. Almost every day since then actually. Im beginning to think, though, that all this 'I need you in my life to help me' stuff is a way to get me back into his life.

 

I'm hesitant on letting this play out, but I will... i'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

[PinkToes]

For what it's worth, I can understand what you're feeling, and I think your willingness to be there for him says a lot about you, and your capacity to care about someone.

 

The only thing I would caution you about is the guilt. If you can separate that out of your motivation to be there for him, your support will be as honest & genuine as possible.

[EricaH329]

For what it's worth, I can understand what you're feeling, and I think your willingness to be there for him says a lot about you, and your capacity to care about someone.

 

Thank you very much! That's very kind of you.

 

The only thing I would caution you about is the guilt. If you can separate that out of your motivation to be there for him, your support will be as honest & genuine as possible.

 

You are 100% right. I need to figure out a way to separate the guilt from the friendship. However, this may sound very confusing (it's even more confusing in my mind), I do believe that in a way the guilt is a part of the caring. If I didn't care, I wouldn't feel guilty.

 

I suppose that by the end of all of this, I will learn a very valuable (and useful) lesson. I have a feeling that I may be beginning to grow as a person, and figuring out the relationships in my life and their rightful place (and all the appropriate emotions that go into doing so).

[PinkToes]

However, this may sound very confusing (it's even more confusing in my mind), I do believe that in a way the guilt is a part of the caring. If I didn't care, I wouldn't feel guilty.

 

Maybe you can feel bad for what he's going through -- even knowing that part of it is a result of decisions you needed to make for yourself -- without taking on the guilt part of it. What you did wasn't something deserving of guilt, because it wasn't a bad thing and you didn't mean to hurt him, and you don't have regrets about what happened. Personally, I try to save guilt for the really bad decisions I've made.

 

So there's no need to feel guilty, as such. I get that feeling bad for what he's going through now can incite guilt in the person who made the decision that's causing pain. So maybe it's just the terminology that I'm talking about. Guilt can be a heavy burden, and doesn't seem deserved here.

[EricaH329]

Maybe you can feel bad for what he's going through -- even knowing that part of it is a result of decisions you needed to make for yourself -- without taking on the guilt part of it. What you did wasn't something deserving of guilt, because it wasn't a bad thing and you didn't mean to hurt him, and you don't have regrets about what happened. Personally, I try to save guilt for the really bad decisions I've made.

 

So there's no need to feel guilty, as such. I get that feeling bad for what he's going through now can incite guilt in the person who made the decision that's causing pain. So maybe it's just the terminology that I'm talking about. Guilt can be a heavy burden, and doesn't seem deserved here.

 

There definitely is a huge difference between feeling guilty and feeling bad. At first, I felt extremely guilty because I haven't been there for him during the past 2 months, even though he has been reaching out to me.

 

The more that time goes on, however, that guilt is turning into me feeling bad for him.

 

I believe there are a lot of things going on with him, that aren't necessarily bad... just a part of growing up and finding oneself. Through all of this, I am beginning to notice things about him that I haven't before. Such as, the extremity (sp) of his selfishness.

 

I know that he loves me and cares for me, as I do him... but he has not yet figured out an appropriate way of dealing with it. When I am not in his life, he feels as though it over powers him. He cannot deal with me being out of his life. When I am in his life, he has an easier time dealing (or coping) with the fact that he does still love me.

 

I'm not sure if i've already stated this or not, but when I asked him why he refuses to move on, he responded with "As much as it hurts sometimes, I don't want this feeling to go away". That's just a glimpse into the fight he is having with himself.

 

I guess after all of this rambling, what i'm trying to say is that i'm not too sure how to deal with this situation. Since things in his life are so complicated right now, I want to make things easier on him, however... i'm not too sure if me nurturing him and being there for him is actually benefiting him.