Thebob Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I just realized that I took a ton of her **** for no reason. LIke her telling me when we first LDR that someone wanted to hook up with her but she didn't. Then getting drunk dials at 3:30 in the morning till 4:30, then telling me she was dancing on other guys and that they were great dancers. Then the last straw was that she wanted to have random hook up nights. I mean I took all that in and didn't say **** back because I was scared of losin her. Now I feel like i shoulda just busted a hammer over her head and told her what I felt at that time. I think the main issue was because I was already flying up there and I didnt want to waste money on a ticket, but in the end i didnt fly their anyways. Girls opinion do you think its best if a guy holds his **** in like that? or should he let the girl know how hes feeling when she says dumb stuff like that? Or do you appreciate a guy that will allow you to run them over? I kinda felt like she was gradually trying to push me away so she could get rid of me secretly...... I know that is paranoid but it could be true. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I can only speak for myself, but I would not respect a man who let me run roughshod over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 or do you appreciate a guy that will allow you to run them over? never. never ever. In fact, if you accept crap it pretty much guarantees you'll get more of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 TheBOB - I started going to a therapist about 3 wks ago. Once of things she asked me was, "did you ever think this relatinoship wasn't right for you".....there were so many glaringly obvious warning signs, that like a fool, I just stuck my head in the sand and ignored.. earlier in the week of our break, I asked her to meet me where I planned to do what she did just days later....she pulled some crap the previous weekend and I wanted to have it out with her...I did tell her how disappointed I was with her...but instead, I gave her Coach purse I bought for her a few months earlier...bottom line is I ignored so many things about her that just would have never worked out for us. She used to call me her brilliant man...due largely to the advice I would give her for jer job, and other stuff...nothing brilliant about it, frankly....but over time, my input and advice, slowly started to result in different responses, like "why are you always right"...why is everything I say, never as good as what you say"'....seriously, what am I suppose to do, dumb myself down? She has arguably the lowest self image and self esteem of any woman I've ever dated....didn't matter how I tried to pump her up, she was nothing but doom and gloom...a truly beautiful woman, but always complaining about her mindless little retail job, her weight, stupid customers....blahblahblah...I had to listen to this crap every ****ing day! Meanwhile I'm busting my ass in the automotive industry trying to do everything in my power to help my boss/owner keep his doors open....this dumb bitch has no idea what real job responsilbilities are.... Link to post Share on other sites
onewillburn Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Yeah, towards the end of my relationship I took a huge deal of **** from her. I was trying to show her that I was nice, I guess. Instead, I probably just came off as a pussy. She always liked me for how I did what I want and on my own terms, and I'm mad at myself for ever trying to change that part about me just to make her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 I guess, But if you say **** back then girls get defensive, I feel you would push them away if you do....... But who knows. If they leave after one debate then it wasn't right. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 You definitely don't say **** off to them unless they cheated, but say something that exerts the same meaning. Something like... "You make me sick." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 I guess But i felt if I did that, she would get rid of me right away... But whats funny is that I was the one that told her that we shouldnt talk till next summer. So I felt she lured me in to get that way.. I just have a funny feeling that is what happened, when she said all that stuff to me in my first post. I have no idea though Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Look, its a damned if you do damned if you don't type of deal. Its the same way when she pulls away from you for no reason. If you ask why, then you are too clingy. If you don't say anything, then you don't care. Usually when you are in these situations it will be rigged in her favor. So what do you do? Easy. You take some time to think about the BEST decision based on the information AT THAT TIME, then you MAKE YOUR DECISION, then you move onto the future and never look back at the past. I recently went through a completely screwed situation and I've realized that I know I made the best choice, its now in the past and there ain't jack squat I can do to change it. All I can do is look at what I did, what I know now, and not repeat it in the future. But it is all about the future. You simply cannot second guess yourself like this. I'm constantly fighting myself to stop it, because there is no absolute guarantee that it would have worked any differently. A different action could have caused a different and possibly even worse situation. Link to post Share on other sites
onewillburn Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I guess But i felt if I did that, she would get rid of me right away... Thebob You shouldn't be thinking about things in terms of whether or not a girl will stay with you. Say what you mean, and if she doesn't like it then at least you have your dignity and proved that you were capable of standing up for yourself. Yeah, you should consider her feelings if you care about her, but you should never be afraid of expressing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 True, and I cant believe I looked at her facebook page, she took down being single, but it still says she is single in her Info page. I wonder if she is ****in around with someone already, and is doing that so it doesn't make it look so obvious..... Or she is hoein around and doesn't want people to see single. What do you all think? Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
onewillburn Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 True, and I cant believe I looked at her facebook page, she took down being single, but it still says she is single in her Info page. I wonder if she is ****in around with someone already, and is doing that so it doesn't make it look so obvious..... Or she is hoein around and doesn't want people to see single. What do you all think? Thebob It's possible, man. But, really, this is exactly why you shouldn't be looking at her Facebook. You start to over analyze things and get paranoid. And, really, you shouldn't let minor things like that affect you in the first place. You wouldn't want somebody always on your case about your facebook updates, etc. would you? You would probably think of that person as petty and annoying. I'm just trying to give you some perspective on how you might come across to others, by the way, not calling you petty haha. I don't know your situation exactly, why are you still friends with her on Facebook? Are you two taking a break? If you guys are over, then you should delete her. It'll only help the process, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted November 1, 2009 Author Share Posted November 1, 2009 Because we dated for 2 months, Best two months of my life until she moved 3 states away, never got in to a fight once, then she told me that she wants to get with random guys and refused to have another LDR since she had one the whole previous year and didn't want to go through the same pain and frustration as the year before... So i told her lets not talk until she is in town till next summer so she can enjoy her school year being single, and I can date other girls and if we end up both single next summer then we can possibly reconnect. I told her that I needed to stop trying to make it work and I needed to stop trying with her while she is at school. So since we never got in a fight and she told me that she wanted to get with random guys I didn't feel that was harsh enough towards me to delete her out of my life. I feel like it would show that I'm immature and can't deal with the pain of losing her. She kept our photos up and I have kept mine up of us. So obviously she has some feelings if she is leaving them up. She told me that she doesn't want to date anyone for more than a year, but idk if she was just saying that to make me feel better. I really don't think that deserves a deletion out of someones life. It's just LDR sucks ass. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
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