Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 It just dawned on me, that when I was going through my breakup, I didn't want to let go. You have to want to let go in order to start healing up the rest of the way. How do you do that? Well, again, I'm going to bang on about your self worth You should realise that you are worthy of a mutual love. If you were dumped then that love was not mutual. You loved them but they DID NOT love you. Not enough to want you as their lover, just their buddy. DONT PUT UP WITH THAT!!! Are you crazy??!! You are worth more than that! You are worthy of having,feeling and being loved equally as much as you give. If they are not that person, then they were never the right person, nor the person you thought they were. fact. Think of your relationship like a circle. You and your ex standing in a small circle. Now your ex has stepped out of that circle and you are still standing in that circle, alone, pining and wanting something that is not there anymore. Try and invisage yourself stepping out of that circle that was 'the relationship'. Extend your OWN comfort zone.... :D:D:D:D:D:D:D Now have a laugh at their expense for being stupid enough to let you go, know that you CAN and WILL do better. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 i like this. im getting there. posts like this help a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 i like this. im getting there. posts like this help a lot GREAT! That's exactly what I want to here. As long as this helps even just one person, in any tiny way,, that makes me happy Stay strong man and keep your chin up;) Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 It just dawned on me, that when I was going through my breakup, I didn't want to let go. You have to want to let go in order to start healing up the rest of the way. How do you do that? Well, again, I'm going to bang on about your self worth You should realise that you are worthy of a mutual love. If you were dumped then that love was not mutual. You loved them but they DID NOT love you. Not enough to want you as their lover, just their buddy. DONT PUT UP WITH THAT!!! Are you crazy??!! You are worth more than that! You are worthy of having,feeling and being loved equally as much as you give. If they are not that person, then they were never the right person, nor the person you thought they were. fact. Think of your relationship like a circle. You and your ex standing in a small circle. Now your ex has stepped out of that circle and you are still standing in that circle, alone, pining and wanting something that is not there anymore. Try and invisage yourself stepping out of that circle that was 'the relationship'. Extend your OWN comfort zone.... :D:D:D:D:D:D:D Now have a laugh at their expense for being stupid enough to let you go, know that you CAN and WILL do better. Very well said and I agree with you fully. When I was still in the throws of 'love' with my ex I would tell myself over and over that I'm better than that and he doesn't deserve my love because he's not willing to love me back. The problem was even though my brain knew that was the right thing my heart fought it. I still hoped for a change on his part. I think that's the problem a lot of people that post here have, holding out hope. I see a pattern on this site, once people let go of that hope they start feeling better start moving on. For me time and lack of contact were the best remedies. Every day that we didn't talk or see each other the hope diminished, if for some reason he contacted me I would go back to square one “step back into the circle’ as you put it. It became a very strenuous game of hop scotch. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 How do you do that? Think Don't ignore the emotions, feel them, but then don't let them keep you in pain. Yes it is hard to do when the emotion are trying to control you but Soul Bear is right. Think your way through it, first a couple of seconds, then couple of minutes, then a couple of hours, then... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Thank you guys for yur replys...I was starting to feel like I was posting to brick wall in the dark. I would post in breaking up, but i feel that when I needed to here these things the most, this was the forum I was in at that time. You need to just feel the emotions, Don't act on them, don't try and dismiss them.....just let them wash over you. And when you can sit with all that as the truth in total acceptance, you will find gems..... A Gray Clouds says....just feel you way through...... And for the gran finally- What you resist will persist...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<This is really important. Think about this one. Now keep on smiling and shine on, you crazy Diamonds Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 And another thing that really helped me. LoveShack is great, there are loads of different sections. I decided, despite being heartbroken that I would venture into the dating section of LS. Just for some change. When you are spending up to 26 hours cruising through second chance/coping/breakup forum sections, it can REALLY send your head in a spin. Try having a look about the site. Dating section is great, and yu will usuall find some funny **** in there too. There are some real amazing characters on here. Now here is the catch...Are you ready for a challenge?? When you are feeling heartbroken and you start reading stories in the dating section, it is only natural for you to obviously associate some of these stories with your ex and their new partner, or maybe even your relationship with your ex. That is A GOOD THING!! This is part of dealing with the pain....the pain is good...the more pain you go through and deal with the emotions that you face when you do so, the faster you will heal and the stronger you will become. It's nice to get 'out and about' on a sunny day...well I'm telling you guys, there are sunny days all over LoveShack. Go and listen to the birds singing and take a breath of 'fresh air'!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mendsley Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 The problem was even though my brain knew that was the right thing my heart fought it. I still hoped for a change on his part. I think that's the problem a lot of people that post here have, holding out hope. I see a pattern on this site, once people let go of that hope they start feeling better start moving on. For me time and lack of contact were the best remedies. You are spot on with this, when you go thru being dumped you are in a state of numbness. There are many things that run thru your mind but resolution and hope seems to control most thoughts. So the only thing you can do is hold onto hope until acceptance is forced upon you. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 It just dawned on me, that when I was going through my breakup, I didn't want to let go. You have to want to let go in order to start healing up the rest of the way. How do you do that? Well, again, I'm going to bang on about your self worth You should realise that you are worthy of a mutual love. If you were dumped then that love was not mutual. You loved them but they DID NOT love you. Not enough to want you as their lover, just their buddy. DONT PUT UP WITH THAT!!! Are you crazy??!! You are worth more than that! You are worthy of having,feeling and being loved equally as much as you give. If they are not that person, then they were never the right person, nor the person you thought they were. fact. Think of your relationship like a circle. You and your ex standing in a small circle. Now your ex has stepped out of that circle and you are still standing in that circle, alone, pining and wanting something that is not there anymore. Try and invisage yourself stepping out of that circle that was 'the relationship'. Extend your OWN comfort zone.... :D:D:D:D:D:D:D Now have a laugh at their expense for being stupid enough to let you go, know that you CAN and WILL do better. That stepping out the circle thing is so powerful. Thanks. i needed that. i thought we were both in the circle but i found out recently that he has completely gotten out the circle and just wants to be cool. i cant do it now Link to post Share on other sites
LostInLA Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 This is great. Even though I've accepted my break up months ago, I know that not letting go completely is slowing down my healing. I think for me I have this fear of facing my pain head on. I fear it will be overwhelming so I guess I've sort of been doing it in bits and pieces. Maybe I'm fearing not being able to control my emotions if I open the flood gates. I've only had a few instances of being too overwhelmed with emotions at work. I don't want to be that person, so I'm holding back. But I need to let go to truly move on. Easier said than done. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Soul Bear very nice post and very motivational!! Thank you for posting that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Several of Soul Bear's posts have helped me. Thank you, I should have said that before now. He makes me think some times. I am trying to define what I am holding on to...I swear it is not the hope or desire for my love to return. It is fear I guess. I need to figure this out so I am able to keep my progression. Link to post Share on other sites
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