Nikki Sahagin Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 he bloody contacted me saying he loves and misses me and sees us possibly together in the future... Ever since he said that it has almost frozen me in place. Its like I began to reminicse about all of those things that made me feel my life had meaning. The cards he wrote me, the pictures he drew me, the plans we made, the cuddles at night, the kisses, our history, all the suffering we went through just to be together, my first kiss, my first time...and it hit me so hard...and I thought I just CAN'T move on, because sadly I am such a hopeless romantic, I wanted him to be my first and only. I'm almost partly angry I have been cheated of having that :S I know its not realistic but its what I wanted. Ever since he said the word 'future' now I have it in my mind, almost like a curse. I see babies and think...maybe one day we will have 1. I see happy couples I remember him. I don't know how to get rid of this kind of....hold, this way i've paused myself internally even though I keep moving, keep living, keep doing. We were best friends. I thought we had something so special and unique. Part of me doesn't WANT to move on from that. How can I forget he even said that? I don't know if he means it or if he said it to keep me holding on, but its just fixed me now. I know i'm doing it to myself but.... Has anyone else been told this? How did you 'ignore' it and carry on moving anyway? Shall I email him, either take me back or leave me alone? Or shall I say nothing and just carry on. I'm struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 He did it to keep you as an option. Unless he has to have brain surgery to cure a mental illness that is preventing him from staying with you, he moved on and keeping you at bay because he can. Meanwhile he is looking for a woman he feels is a better fit for him. Do you really wanna be someones option? That means he doesnt take you as seriously as you take him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 I know.... He says things like he needs to find himself and figure out who he is and what he wants. I mean can that even be legitimate? Or is that a cop out excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 he bloody contacted me saying he loves and misses me and sees us possibly together in the future... Ever since he said that it has almost frozen me in place. Its like I began to reminicse about all of those things that made me feel my life had meaning. The cards he wrote me, the pictures he drew me, the plans we made, the cuddles at night, the kisses, our history, all the suffering we went through just to be together, my first kiss, my first time...and it hit me so hard...and I thought I just CAN'T move on, because sadly I am such a hopeless romantic, I wanted him to be my first and only. I'm almost partly angry I have been cheated of having that :S I know its not realistic but its what I wanted. Ever since he said the word 'future' now I have it in my mind, almost like a curse. I see babies and think...maybe one day we will have 1. I see happy couples I remember him. I don't know how to get rid of this kind of....hold, this way i've paused myself internally even though I keep moving, keep living, keep doing. We were best friends. I thought we had something so special and unique. Part of me doesn't WANT to move on from that. How can I forget he even said that? I don't know if he means it or if he said it to keep me holding on, but its just fixed me now. I know i'm doing it to myself but.... Has anyone else been told this? How did you 'ignore' it and carry on moving anyway? Shall I email him, either take me back or leave me alone? Or shall I say nothing and just carry on. I'm struggling. I don't know your whole story but I would let him chase you a little bit more to see if it's truly genuine. I'm all for second chances but you really need to see if he's genuine in his ACTIONS not words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 I know. He said within the next 3 years plus so I guess thats clear enough he doesn't want to be with me in the near future, just 'possibly' in the late future. I know I am being silly. I should be outraged more than anything. But I just loved him so much. Its so pathetic that you can love someone so much you almost WOULD wait. I mean why even say this to me? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Its a cop out. People usually know right away when they WANT to be serious with someone. If he has options, then he doesnt have to commit to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
mimiminx Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Hi Nikki, I have been told the same thing recently. It keeps you hanging on, which isn't right at all. I am in your shoes, I am madly in love with my guy, but he left me. He says things like I love you and miss you and constantly contacts me for no reason, keeps in my head so I don't forget him, and says if we come back together, he'd like it to be something new, the past is over, he hopes to build on what we have so that it can grow into something stronger.. but wait... He's in another state and isn't planning on coming back for another 6 weeks or so. So, in the meantime, he's not committed to me anymore and will not commit to coming back together either. Awesome. Although it 'may' happen, and he entertains the idea of it and likes the idea... It is very harsh when people say he's keeping you on the hook until he finds someone else.. I have to say it's NOT always about other people!!!! That is a general, cut and dried response and I don't believe that's always the case. But, I was told once: "never make someone a priority that sees you as an option" These guys may want us in some way, I'm positive their feelings of love are true, but not as real as they were, otherwise they'd be with us NOW not later. I'm a believer that sometimes people break up because the timing wasn't right, they both need to grow individually, and that if the love is true, they will end up back together. I believe that. Best not to bank on that though. I'm giving you advice and telling myself the same thing! I don't doubt at all that your guy and mine are being sincere when they say these things.. they're not being cruel by saying that, their intention is not to hurt us. They don't really want to lose us, BUT they were willing to take that risk when they left. Remember that... Keep going, be strong, don't let what he says get you down or keep you from moving forward.. I know, I'm in the same spot as you!!! Are you ignoring his attempts to contact you, are you contacting him? what's the story? My suggestion is for you, if you haven't already, and if you want to that is, lay it on the line with him.. tell him how you feel and if he's still in the same space, then WALK AWAY. Do not contact him or respond for some time. I have given myself a time frame because I will see him again in a month or so.. in that time, stay quiet!!! He's panicking because he's afraid of really losing you. That, I think, will bring out his true colors... give it time, stay quiet.. don't respond to what he says. Words mean a lot, but if there's no action behind the words, it doesn't really mean much at all. I am in your shoes, I want more than anything for us to come back together, but it will take some time if that ever happens. Be patient, still move forward, accept that he doesn't want to be with you NOW. The future is uncertain and you can't plan to be together in the future, it doesn't work that way. Let things happen as they're supposed to. Keep moving forward. Believe him when he says he loves and misses you and he can see you back together in the future.. he's being honest. But that is NOW. The future is not now. I feel like I wrote this to myself as well as to you.. I've read your past posts and I can relate to so much of what's been going on with you. My story is similar. Hang in there girl! Edited October 7, 2009 by mimiminx Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I too agree he is likely not trying to be cruel by saying what he is saying. If anything he is trying to hard to be too nice. He wants to break up but not be the bad guy, he does not want the hurt associated with that. Though the sad fact is he is pushing it off on you, you get to feel the pain while he gets to feel like a really nice guy. He if really care about you, he would let you feel the loss of the relationship and let you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Hi Nikki, I have been told the same thing recently. It keeps you hanging on, which isn't right at all. I am in your shoes, I am madly in love with my guy, but he left me. He says things like I love you and miss you and constantly contacts me for no reason, keeps in my head so I don't forget him, and says if we come back together, he'd like it to be something new, the past is over, he hopes to build on what we have so that it can grow into something stronger.. but wait... He's in another state and isn't planning on coming back for another 6 weeks or so. So, in the meantime, he's not committed to me anymore and will not commit to coming back together either. Awesome. Although it 'may' happen, and he entertains the idea of it and likes the idea... It is very harsh when people say he's keeping you on the hook until he finds someone else.. I have to say it's NOT always about other people!!!! That is a general, cut and dried response and I don't believe that's always the case. But, I was told once: "never make someone a priority that sees you as an option" These guys may want us in some way, I'm positive their feelings of love are true, but not as real as they were, otherwise they'd be with us NOW not later. I'm a believer that sometimes people break up because the timing wasn't right, they both need to grow individually, and that if the love is true, they will end up back together. I believe that. Best not to bank on that though. I'm giving you advice and telling myself the same thing! I don't doubt at all that your guy and mine are being sincere when they say these things.. they're not being cruel by saying that, their intention is not to hurt us. They don't really want to lose us, BUT they were willing to take that risk when they left. Remember that... Keep going, be strong, don't let what he says get you down or keep you from moving forward.. I know, I'm in the same spot as you!!! Are you ignoring his attempts to contact you, are you contacting him? what's the story? My suggestion is for you, if you haven't already, and if you want to that is, lay it on the line with him.. tell him how you feel and if he's still in the same space, then WALK AWAY. Do not contact him or respond for some time. I have given myself a time frame because I will see him again in a month or so.. in that time, stay quiet!!! He's panicking because he's afraid of really losing you. That, I think, will bring out his true colors... give it time, stay quiet.. don't respond to what he says. Words mean a lot, but if there's no action behind the words, it doesn't really mean much at all. I am in your shoes, I want more than anything for us to come back together, but it will take some time if that ever happens. Be patient, still move forward, accept that he doesn't want to be with you NOW. The future is uncertain and you can't plan to be together in the future, it doesn't work that way. Let things happen as they're supposed to. Keep moving forward. Believe him when he says he loves and misses you and he can see you back together in the future.. he's being honest. But that is NOW. The future is not now. I feel like I wrote this to myself as well as to you.. I've read your past posts and I can relate to so much of what's been going on with you. My story is similar. Hang in there girl! Thankyou so much minimix. Well...we were in contact via email but lately I haven't responded. In part, I want to see...if I stopped responding, would he keep contacting me? Would he phone me? Would he come to my house? Or would he just give up? I know its a game to play but I need to know how much 'effort i'm worth'. I think for me what makes the difference is he says all those things but he broke up with me in an email. He says it was because he couldn't do it otherwise but that filled me up with so much hurt and anger, that even if I get over him, I don't know how to get over that pain. I hold onto the anger and pain to help me move on, because angry helps me too, but by staying angry.....I'm not letting go. Catch 22. Link to post Share on other sites
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