leap83 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 It really doesn't make any sense. I know you will all tell me to move on and I'm trying to really hard. So I stopped contact with the guy last week. I told him that I would contact him when I'm ready and he said he'll give me all of the time I need. Today I noticed he closed the communication on eharmony - yes, it matched us up again but we didn't communicate through it. I didn't want to close it out of respect for him, but today I noticed that he did that yesterday. I have no idea why the hell this is affecting me so much because I have a lot of stuff going for me and in all honesty, I could have any guy I want - there is a new guy on a horizon and he's great; I wanted to go out with him because I thought I was ready. However, this event today set me for miles back. I understand that the communication should have been closed. I get it. I still have him on Fb. He didn't unfriend me. I don't know whether he closed the communication intentionally to get a reaction out of me or whether he did it to hurt me a little bit more (like it wasn't enough that he hurt me previously) - or to let me know loud and clear that he's moving on and trying to find a new target for his precious little games. I don't know what I'm looking for. All I know is that my heart is tearing up inside; that I don't know what I've done to deserve this; that I really, badly want to move on and have a normal, healthy relationship with a normal, healthy individual; and that I don't know what I should do - unfriend him from Fb? I'm reading way too much into this. I know. But I just want to be able to move on. Something tells me he's doing this intentionally to get me to react. I want to be able to love again but after what happened, I don't know whether I would be able to trust anyone with my heart. And I'm definitively not going out with this new guy until this baggage is gone and out of my ****ing way. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 What is a scarier thought to you -- that he deleted you on eharmony to intentionally get a reaction out of you, or that he did it with no real thought at all, because he is just that over you already. Because the second option is a very real possibility. He probably isn't sitting there rubbing his hands together thinking of dirty little ways to upset you. He deleted you on eharmony because you're his ex, probably spent all of 3 seconds making that decision, probably isn't sitting there waiting for some big upset reaction from you. Sorry but it's probably true. I read into my ex for 5 months, thinking her Status quotes online were about me, thinking she was doing things on purpose, to string me along, to send me a sign. Did she over come back? Nope. Coulda save myself a lot of time if I had just moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Sorry to hear this leap, but stay strong, if it helps you are sounding like you are in a lot better place than you were a couple of weeks ago and I feel like you've made a lot of progress. What do you want re:communcation. Do you want to talk to him again? Is there any purpose keeping him around on facebook? Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You have only cut contact since last week, it takes time to recover. You have to cut all lines of communication including removing/unfriending on fb. then focus on yourself. it is about helping yourself heal and he should not in your plans now Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Hey Rudderless, I don't know. The last conversation I had with him was through e-mail. He said we should take our time before we see each other again to which I replied that I'm not quite sure whether I'd want that. Then he replied that it was okay to have mixed feelings and that he understands. He said he wants to maintain friendship and that whatever decision I make he'll respect. Then I sent him a long e-mail basically asking him to give me time (to think about this or to heal or w.e.) and I thought he wouldn't respond but he did, saying that he believes I'm taking too much responsibility on what happened and that I'm being too hard on myself. He also said it was a mutual screw up and that he is just sending me an e-mail to acknowledge my e-mail and told me he'll give me all of the time I need. I never responded to that. That was last week. Then this happened. I was doing fine. I am feeling better now. But when I saw it yesterday, something just snapped in me. However, I managed to calm myself down and he never got a reaction out of me. It's just hard to swallow - I don't know what to make out of it. I don't want to unfriend him but then again... why am I keeping him?! I would be keeping him only if I wanted to be friends with him, which I wanted to be before yesterday. Now I'm not so sure. On a happier note, however, something nice happened to me today. I'm not going to say what just yet because I'm not 100% sure but I have a feeling that, if I'm not horribly mistaken, my thoughts are in sync with my heart. (Rather weird to explain without actually saying what happened). It's nice to hear from you. I hope you're doing well. And yes, I have made huge progress. I'm feeling pretty good - except for yesterday night. I was angry because I don't know what to think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 adamt: I don't want to cut all of the contact with this person. I'm not communicating really with him. This whole eharmony thing wasn't communication... it was just a closed match... But nevertheless it hurt... that was yesterday though... now i'm in a better place though... a little bit better place... Link to post Share on other sites
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