steffany Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 About 2 months ago I decided to save my family from embarrassment from me having a child unwed and had an abortion. My bf has stood by my side through it all and has really been great. I had a very horrible experience IE. no sedatives or pain killers, an incomplete abortion and giving birth 4 months after to a fetus they said didn't exist any more. I am not a drama person and have always been the happy go lucky day dreamer in my group of Friends. But lately I have really changed. I am the same happy person by day but sometimes at night I get bitter and mean. I say hurtful things to my bf and try to get him to leave me. He has been so strong. He holds me and tells me it's okay to cry to let it out...but I hate drama and bad feelings and I try to run from them and him. I know he has to be getting tired of me bringing up the abortion and being hurtful toward him. I don't really want to push him away but I do. I have been to counseling but they don't think I have any problems. They say it's a natural grieving cycle. And I'm not depressed. I just get these moments where I'm not me and I really don't want to be mean or feel this guilt and grief anymore. And I don't want to strike out at my bf or Friends. But if I hold it in I get frustrated and end up crying uncontrollably. And I'm starting to be scared to love. I've always been a very cuddly lovable person. But lately I have been scared to fall in love. Is this unfair of me to continue with this relationship? Sometimes I feel like we should break up just so he can get away from me. No one should have to put up with how mean I can be...even if the moments are few. Or am I just being dumb? I am very confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 Your post above seems just another version of your post and the ensuing thread of six hours ago. Here's the link for those interested in reading it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=20162 ABOVE YOU WRITE: "Is this unfair of me to continue with this relationship? Sometimes I feel like we should break up just so he can get away from me. No one should have to put up with how mean I can be...even if the moments are few." This statement, to me, seems a cry for sympathy. If that's how you meant it...you can count me in for an appearance at your pitty party. I think the counsellor you went to was totally incompetent. It sounds like you feel very guilty about the abortion, you have repressed feelings of anger against your boyfriend, and you are otherwise extremely confused about life in general. If you really don't feel like you have control of your emotional outbursts, there is medication you can take for this. First you need to get a referral to a doctor from a counsellor who is smart enough to see all this. We're not talking rocket science here...this is pretty basic stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steffany Posted March 17, 2003 Author Share Posted March 17, 2003 I don't want sympathy. I want to know if it is dumb of me. I hate hurting people. But I've never been hurt and bitter like this before. I am not liking it. And I feel so bad after I am mean to him. I don't do it often but I have. He's a good guy and it's not cool of me. I agree with you about the counsellor I went to. But when you don't have much money you do your best with what you've got. But i don't know why I would have anger against my boyfriend. He didn't want me to do it. I may perceive life differntly than you. I like to make other people happy and keep them that way. Most of my decisions in life are based upon that. This is the first time it has backfired on me and made me unhappy. I think feeling angry and upset at times is natural for me right now. Maybe I just need some time to myself each week so I can feel mad and sad and not worry about hurting anyones feelings. I bet that's it...Some time to myself to deal with my feelings. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 according to one "Project Rachel" website, Post-Abortion Syndrome is the inability to process the fear, anger, sadness and grief associated with the loss of an aborted child, and it sounds to me that between the botched abortion and miscarriage you experienced, you're having the feelings that you are right now. Basically, you've faced a double whammy, and there's no sense of direction, right? Especially when you say you're acting completely opposite of how you normally do. counseling is available just about everywhere, and some places offer payment on a sliding scale (i.e., what you can afford). Check on-line or the yellow pages for post-abortion counseling in your area; the Catholic church offers something called "Project Rachel," which deals with this very thing, and it's open to anyone suffering from post-abortion syndrome. (http://www.hopeafterabortion.com has a link you can click on to see which dioceses -- regional Catholic "headquarters" -- offer a Project Rachel program and how to get hold of someone from there, or a web search on "Project Rachel" will yield numerous sites operated by different dioceses). Once you get the help you're seeking, things with your boyfriend may be put into a different perspective and you can go from there. in the meantime, I wish you the best of luck getting through this traumatic time. jo anne Link to post Share on other sites
Author steffany Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 I checked out the web site and it looks to be very helpful. I didn't think I really had a problem but after witnessing my own anger towards people and situations I know I need help before I really hurt someone I care about. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 you're quite welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts