Fear of being alone forever.. but why??

[darksky]

Okay so I thought I would try and get peoples thoughts on something which seems to bother me quite regular.

 

Whenever a relationship which I am in ends (or more specifically when i've been dumped), I get this awful feeling and panic that I may never find someone else and I will be alone forever, and this feeling generally lasts untill i get into another relationship... I think im going to be too old to get married, too old to have kids, too old to enjoy having kids if I ever do.. etc etc.. but why is this? It seems unrational considering I am only 27 and have had about 4 longish (most was 3 yrs) relationships in the past. I consider myself to be a reasonably good-looking guy and have a good job and am independant etc.. so really theres no good reason why I should think in this way.

 

When I think about it I know its silly and unlikely that I will never meet anyone else but I cant seem to shake the feeling. The older im getting the harder it seems to be to meet people aswell. Im no longer in college which is where Ive met my other gf's.

 

So I guess im asking are these thoughts normal? Do others ever fear being alone forever and know its unrational?

 

I watched High Fidelity the other day and a line in film put a smile on my face as it seemed to fit the way I was feeling pretty well:

 

We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

PS. High Fidelity is a really good breakup film for those that havnt seen it i recommend.

 

No woman in the history of the world is having better sex than sex you are having with Ian... in my head.

[EmperorR]

I feel the same way and I'm only 23.

[bluewolf17]

I feel that way sometimes too-And I just turned 26

 

BUT I have also had now 3 relationships that lasted 3yrs+.

What I have found is, I always think I will be alone, and I won't ever find anyone like the last guy. And I don't. I find someone even better. It has happend everytime.

 

I don't doubt, that you will find someone better for you, as well.

[fairycake]

Thanks for that positive info Bluewolf, I'm scared I'll be alone forever too Although I think my fear is justified cos I didn't have a relationship until I was 25. I wanted one, I talked to people, socialised etc but didn't meet anyone who liked me who didn't want one thing. I may have low self-esteem but I wasn't prepared to be used so I didn't get involved in that casual stuff.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I sometimes feel that way too. I think its because I was with a guy I was so happy with and he obviously decided to bail out...so you kinda think oh the next one will only leave to. Its scary but I guess we are never promised anyone....or not promised them forever necessarily. Just keep an open mind

[notalone]

Yes, I feel that way too. And I am only 26..I've had four longish relationships two of which left me broken-hearted. Sometimes I have the fear of not finding anyone ever again and sometimes I simply don't want to. And then someone steps into my life and it starts all over again. Love happens many times. But my most recent break-up was devastating, three months on I am still far far away from the idea of dating again.

[PinkToes]

I haven't slept well this week, so please forgive me if I sound abrupt or insensitive!

 

Even though it does sound strange, on the outside, to be concerned about being alone forever when you're still in your 20s, I think being younger is part of the reason why it feels so scary. It's in our heads from a very young age that we'll get married and have kids and live happily ever after, so every time that scenario doesn't come true, you start to wonder how many more chances you'll get.

 

But as you get older, and you see that your friends are getting divorced or getting married later or staying single or whatever, it becomes more a part of your mindset that there are a lot of different paths to happiness. Plus you get better at being OK alone, so even if you want to be in a relationship, you don't panic at the thought of that not happening.

 

So my advice is to put some energy into conquering the fear of being alone; put it to rest. Doesn't mean that's what you want, or that it will happen. But once you come to terms with the fact that you could handle it, if it happened, you won't waste any more time living in the fear of "what if." Plus it will keep you from getting into a bad relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

 

I'm not suggesting that anyone stop looking for a partner, if that's what you want. Just try to release the fear of being alone forever, because I guarantee that if that happened (which is pretty darned unlikely) you would survive and you would be fine.

[t0ri]

I'm 21, and I feel that way also. Maybe because all three of my siblings got married by age 22. I've only had one long-term relationship that just ended, so hopefully my serious dating life has just begun.

 

Good advice, PinkToes!

[Ruby Slippers]

Fear of being alone is very, very common. I think a lot of people do some really stupid things and put up with heinous crap just so they don't have to be alone.

 

I figured out a long time ago that I would rather be alone and reasonably happy and peaceful than coupled up with someone I'm not really compatible with and miserable.

 

My latest exercise is to try to really be alone, feel what that's like, and consider what my life might be like if I'm always alone. I think it's improbable that that will be the case, but it's a fascinating and eye-opening experience.

 

I watched High Fidelity after my last breakup, too, and it totally reminded me of my ex.

[PinkToes]

pink toes, ruby slippers, what a pretty combination.

 

Sorry. Did I mention I'm kinda tired today?

 

I think it's admirable to practice being good at whatever state you're in, whether that's a relationship or being alone. If you're alone and don't want to be, you probably won't be, for long. So try to take advantage of all the things you would enjoy by yourself that you might not be able to do when the next b/f or g/f comes along.

 

Let me know if you want a list of my stuff!

[Ruby Slippers]

Sure, lay it on me.

 

Yes, Ruby Slippers with Pink Toes sounds fun indeed.