JooLee Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Just 5 minutes ago i realised that in a few days, it would be 7 months since we have broken up. however these 7 months seems longer. i feel like it has been years since that awful event. sometimes it feels like the whole relationship, it was just a sweet dream turned into a nightmare. Like i imagined the whole thing, and i never really was with this guy. i have come to this realisation, you can get over someone but can never really get over the pain the person caused you. When i hear about him from people, i have this automatic disgust in hearing his name. sometimes, i feel sad. Most of the time when i see him on facebook, this wave of sadness washes over me. It not me feeling for him but for the unfair mistreatment and the painful end of the relationship. this is me realising i didnt deserve to be treated that way. this post is not about me coping the loss of him or trying to move on. this post is me realising that you never really 100% heal from being betrayed by someone you trust. You just have to put your hands on your heart and keep moving. you can forget someone.. but you cant forget the pain. and the pain, will make u a stronger person. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 You can forget the pain sure it comes back once in a while that oh crap I was cheated on and betrayed, but it seems so long ago to me. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Well, you'll always remember what the pain is like. You won't forget what it feels like to be vulnerable and then get burned. I think that's a bigger obstacle than the break up! You get over the person, but embrace the pain associated with love. That's what will cause you strife in the future.... the association aspect of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 i think you can forget the pain. break ups are like death - at first they are so painful it's hard to function properly, then over time the pain starts to fade and memories become easier to bear, and finally there comes a time when a person can look back at the relationship and remember the things they felt with fondness, and not hurt or anger anymore. only difference is that we can reconcile with the person we broke up with in the future and have a friendship with them! Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I've "forgotten" the pain so to speak in that it doesn't affect me anymore. I can remember what it was like to feel like trash every minute of every day, sure - in the same way I can remember what she was like if I actively think about her. There's light at the end of the tunnel, as long as you start walking you'll get out Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy.S Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 i agree with you. i get sad when i think about how much pain i went through. i guess i just feel bad for myself. no one else does, so i guess it is ok to show yourself some sympathy. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 yeah agreed. feels like a lifetime ago, which is really weird. and i do miss her but thats normal. is it possible to become friends? the majority of my friends are all mates with there "first" girlfriends. mine lives 600 miles away, so its not like we could meet for a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
gwynieatpain Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 i have come to this realisation, you can get over someone but can never really get over the pain the person caused you. When i hear about him from people, i have this automatic disgust in hearing his name. sometimes, i feel sad. Most of the time when i see him on facebook, this wave of sadness washes over me. It not me feeling for him but for the unfair mistreatment and the painful end of the relationship. I'm in same situation, so I feel for you. It's never easy to say to forget the pain - when the unfair mistreatment was too extreme. Here's the background - I quitted my job 4 months ago, was ready to marry him and to move to his country. He broke up with me by emails all in sudden, said he was not ready. Truth is, he cheated. I flew to his country and he rejected to see me, kept my belongings, knocked me out from his door. Mom talked to his parents and tried to sort things out. He then sent an email to my mom and humilated her on email. So far I know he is having casual relationships with some women .. and they are using my stuff at his house. I think about him everyday, but I can't say I miss him. Love is not there, only hate and sadness involved. The other day I was told from a friend of us that my ex-fiance was asking about me, asked where I was, did I see someone else, did I manage to get a job blah blah blah. Our friend didn't want to be involved so he didn't tell much. Very well, it did not make me feel any better honestly. It is rather meaningless to show his kindness now, considering what he did to me. I blocked him from everything since the break up. I've moved on, not interested in knowing his new life. I do not see a point to reconnect with him. My life is so much better without him now. Thing is, why I think of him every day still? Guess there is no better way than he crawls back and feel truly sorry about for what he has caused me and my family - an apology basically. So pathetic, the break up means more than the 5 years relationship with my ex. It makes me much stronger than I can think of. I growed up, met people, found a new hobby in photography. When I can let go of my hate to ex? I don't know. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
sjguy34 Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 " like a knife that cuts u the wound heal but that scar remains" brett micheals- every rose has its thorn...............I believe like a wound when its fresh, its at its worst, but eventualy it heals, somtimes leaves a scar, somtimes not, but even scars fade, they just itch once in awhile to remind u they r there. Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 i dont think u can ever truly forget either.. yes u do move on but that doesnt meant you forget ur ex....and the pain, well i think someday in the future when your life is ina complete diff. direction u move on from that too but u always remember... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JooLee Posted January 25, 2009 Author Share Posted January 25, 2009 I blocked him from everything since the break up. I've moved on, not interested in knowing his new life. I do not see a point to reconnect with him. My life is so much better without him now. Thing is, why I think of him every day still? Guess there is no better way than he crawls back and feel truly sorry about for what he has caused me and my family - an apology basically. that is exactly how i feel. some part of me is still waiting for the day he's going to come back and apologise and tell me how he regrets it etc etc etc. ive already prepared my line to what to say to him, which is a big fat kick to his ego. sometimes i have dreams that he comes back to me and i tell him with a smirk that the door has closed and he's a worthless wimp. i feel that only when that really happens, i can fully close the door and rapidly the pain will just disappear. im not an angry person or full or hate. i was just a naive girl who believed a bad person and only realising that this world has bad people in it. Link to post Share on other sites
gwynieatpain Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 that is exactly how i feel. some part of me is still waiting for the day he's going to come back and apologise and tell me how he regrets it etc etc etc. ive already prepared my line to what to say to him, which is a big fat kick to his ego. sometimes i have dreams that he comes back to me and i tell him with a smirk that the door has closed and he's a worthless wimp. i feel that only when that really happens, i can fully close the door and rapidly the pain will just disappear. I have prepared my line too. Yet, if he comes back to me for real, I will simply ignore him for good. There is nothing better than a silent treatment. It talks louder than any words in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 i'm over him. but like you said, not over the pain he caused. i'm so traumatized... i think an apology is what i want as well. i hate thinking that there are people out there in this world that only give a damn about themselves. i hate believing that people are selfish. i hate believing that people have no conscience or sympathy for the terror they have caused in others lives. no responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
BackonTrack2 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Apologies are for suckers and you won't get one cuz he's not sorry. Infact he's happy your GONE. Suck it up, move on. And yes people have a conscience, but he doesn't care at you at all, your not worth it AND if you wasn't over him, then you wouldn't posting. In the END, the reason you are having trouble is because you have no closure and the way it ended so starkly, its like a truck hit you out of no where, in time, you will figure out why the relationship fizzled, but ONLY after your emmotions die down and you think about it clearly, or maybe you will never know, who cares, partners come and go, just live life and be happy within yourself, the right person will come along soon enough. Oh yeah, Your breakup couldn't of been worst than mine, I wanted to marry the girl, I even told people, turns out the whore was cheating on me, for months, I suspected but said "NA" something is wrong with her, when it ended, I tried to kick her to the curb, but I couldn't, she was so presitant, didn't give in, I guess she needed to relieve the guilt and once I did that, she told me **** OFF, broke me, panic attacks, collapsing on the floor, for 6 months STRAIGHT, everday like clock-work, she was on my mind as soon as I woke up, emmotions were high, I was so messed up. But i'm past it now and I think back and tell myself "You were a fool, you already knew the truth, you just di dn't want to believe it" and that truth was a) your girlfriend is/was a whore b) she liked ****ing the guy c) she used you because you gave her money d) she never loved you, it was all a lie and then I think to myself why would someone go through all that trouble? She must of been bored, so she toyed with me, can't say I blame her, thats how she is/was, thats what I showed her, and I gave her the green light to do whatever she wanted so thats what she did, then she hated me and blamed me for everything, what was her words "I just wanted to be there for you" She sure had a weird way of showing it..... As about an apology, those are just words and you really want to know within yourself he's sorry, but he's not, he cussed your mother, refused to see you, he was thinking about the breakup FOR A LONG TIME, to be so GONE as to not even talk to you.... it was brewing for months + he didn't love you and if he did, he wouldn't of left or cussed your mother out. In time, you won't remember this dude, just keep walking and just tell yourself "His lost", and just remember, only YOU, can keep YOURSELF down, the day you deciede to move ON, thats the day the pain will go away, so pick yourself up sweety and keep walking. As about everything else I agree witht his line "You can forget the pain sure it comes back once in a while that oh crap I was cheated on and betrayed, but it seems so long ago to me." Good Luck i'm over him. but like you said, not over the pain he caused. i'm so traumatized... i think an apology is what i want as well. i hate thinking that there are people out there in this world that only give a damn about themselves. i hate believing that people are selfish. i hate believing that people have no conscience or sympathy for the terror they have caused in others lives. no responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
gwynieatpain Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 As about an apology, those are just words and you really want to know within yourself he's sorry, but he's not, he cussed your mother, refused to see you, he was thinking about the breakup FOR A LONG TIME, to be so GONE as to not even talk to you.... it was brewing for months + he didn't love you and if he did, he wouldn't of left or cussed your mother out. In time, you won't remember this dude, just keep walking and just tell yourself "His lost", and just remember, only YOU, can keep YOURSELF down, the day you deciede to move ON, thats the day the pain will go away, so pick yourself up sweety and keep walking. Everyone has their own break up stories we are not comparing ours with the others, and I felt sorry about yours. What disgusted me the most was the way he handled the break up. I felt nothing wrong if he wanted to break up with me ages ago. I knew he had changed. I wanted to give up. He insisted to go on. 2 days before the break up he texted me said he loved me and wanted me to be with him. 2 days after I quitted my job he then emailed to me said he was scared. He was ruining my emotion in such a short period of time without telling me what was happening. He had tried to contact me two months after the break up. As someone may recall my story, he went on a one-month trip to Vietnam with a female co-worker who is 10 years of his age. At the same time, he was seeing a Korean girl in his country. After the trip, he passed by my country and suggested for meeting up. I didn't think it was a good idea so simply said goodbye to him and that was it. I treated the break up as a joke, and he's the biggest joker ever. Guess I'm doing better than you though. I'm still angry in the forth month but I won't call him names or else. I'm in my 20s, young and smart I know I deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts