Inca Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I'm so confused. I have a boyfriend that I moved in with right after I broke up with a guy I was with for over a year. I loved that guy more than I've ever loved anyone, and he did me really wrong a lot of the time. But our good times were so good, literally the happiest times of my entire life. I'm feeling smothered by my current boyfriend, and I'm always thinking about my ex. I have lost intrest in sex period, I dream about my ex and I keep trying to understand how I could have been the happiest I have been in my entire life with him, for us to just end how we did. My current boyfriend is really great, he just reminds me a lot of my ex husband though and that's irritating, but at least I tell him when he's being a butt, and we work through it. He does things that make me mad, but so has every other man I've been with. My other relationship wasn't a live in relationship. He lived in with me at one point, but it was not official, and we ended up getting bored with it. Which is kinda what I'm doing now. Getting bored with it. I'm wondering if the problem is me. I think I hung on to my ex because I wanted him to be the good person I knew he could be, and I waited for the day when he decided to not be a bad boy, and come to realize that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and love me how I wanted him to love me, and prove to everyone that he is capable of loving the right way. I don't have to worry about my current boyfriend cheating on me, using me for my money or anything like that. I don't understand why I was in love with my ex when he treated me like that. He was just really fun to be around, and I completely adored him. I've called my ex asking him to explain to me what happened, why he would cheat on me, and if he thought we just were not meant for each other. He said he didn't know and didn't want to think about it. I moved in with my current boyfriend as a rebound, although I cared about him, I just wanted to be safe and taken care of. Now that I'm there, and I'm looking around and thinking that this is not what I want...maybe because I'm not used to the elements of being happy (settled, someone who wants to always be around me, and appreciates me etc.) I don't know what to do...try to be with my ex, stay with my current (who is the best thing that ever happened to me), or just shut up and play tennis or something. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 you've got a lot of issues to resolve here, lady, but first and foremost, you need to get out of this relationship you have with your rebound boyfriend. Jumping from one situation into another just because you don't want to be alone, or you like the attention a boyfriend would give, is flat out WRONG. You aren't treating that person fairly, and you're doing yourself a great disservice by perpetuating a belief that you can't function without someone by your side. There's no sin -- or crime -- in taking time out from dating to discover yourself better. that said, it sounds like you have some unrealistic expectations of relationships with men that you should be reconsidering. You weren't happy with the guy you were "in love with" because he didn't love you the right way; now you're not happy with the rebound boyfriend because although he's good to you, he isn't your old boyfriend. Now think about this for a second -- what's the common denominator in those two relationships? It's YOU. Until you can figure out how to love yourself (or even like yourself) enough to stop needing a man the way a non-swimmer needs personal flotation devices, you're going to keep on having problems in your relationships. These guys can't make you happy -- you're going to have to learn to do that for yourself. There's no magic wand you can wave over someone to stop making them behave badly, or to love you the way you expect them to, or to even prove themselves to others. That's a pretty tall order for anyone, and I guarantee, most people will mosey right on by someone that high maintenence and look for someone who's got a more reasonable outlook on life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Originally posted by quankanne Until you can figure out how to love yourself (or even like yourself) enough to stop needing a man the way a non-swimmer needs personal flotation devices, you're going to keep on having problems in your relationships. LOL I like that, good analogy! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 thanks ... I normally suck when it comes to writing descriptively! You -- in NW Louisiana? Me -- East Texas! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I'm in Shreveport! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I'm in Tyler! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 SMALL WORLD!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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