dealing with the pain

[pushforward]

Long story short.

 

1st relationship, I am the dumpee. I made the classic mistakes of breaking NC, using NC as a tool to get her back. Longest I ever maintained NC was 34 days. It's been 4 months since the breakup. I am over a month and a half of NC now, with the right intentions to heal.

 

She left me for another guy and I didn't find out until later she was cheating on me. Relationship was great for my first, it lasted 1.5 years. I blocked her on everything, email, networking, changed my #, etc..

 

I am hurting a great deal. Everything reminds me of her. I think about her 24/7. I lurk on these boards trying to cope, not get back together. Lately, I've been having trouble dealing with the pain. It seems like it's getting worse before it gets better. I cycle between grief, anger, sadness and acceptance throughout the day. She is not the last or first thoughts when I sleep or wake up. My last thought and first thought asking God for help. To give me strength to let go. It's been really hard lately. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm lost and confused.

 

The one person I trusted, betrayed me. I'm a great guy and I got hurt, hurt badly I might add.

 

Any advice for this heart broken fool?

[kmeier]

I'm here with you man. Got dumped cause she wanted space and needed to be alone. Two weeks of NC later, she gets in touch with me, just to tell me about spending Christmas with her new boyfriend, who she started seeing less than a week after she left me.

 

Everyone here has been supportive in telling me it gets better. I want to believe them, but its hard. I know your pain, so all I can tell you is never think that you're alone in this...

[openbook08]

hi pushforward. im sorry youre going through this.

the cycle seems neverending right.

have you spoken to a professional at all? i have done so & found it helped me immensely.

also first love... and also with someone new.

i too seem to be tormented by my thoughts also so i try to keep as busy as possible & make lots of plans plans plans

a good friend of mine gave me some great advice, she said remember now to put yourself first. anytime i text her now with good news or what ive been up to she says - see how good it feels to put yourself first. and shes so right.... buy yourself somethin nice, visit friends,enjoy your family, go out, dance like no ones watching, read books, exercise (this is a major factor in contributing to my happiness - ive taken up walking while listenin to some kick ass power ballads!!) take time to remember how GREAT you are, on your own, not because of somebody else. its empowering. the bad days i feel i jus gotta ride them & it will make me stronger in the end. i know it will be the same for you.

maybe this isnt what youre looking for, just im so sensitive to this type of hurt now if i cant help myself id at least like to make someone else feel even a ray of hope does shine somewhere for them!

[pushforward]

I'm here with you man. Got dumped cause she wanted space and needed to be alone. Two weeks of NC later, she gets in touch with me, just to tell me about spending Christmas with her new boyfriend, who she started seeing less than a week after she left me.

 

Everyone here has been supportive in telling me it gets better. I want to believe them, but its hard. I know your pain, so all I can tell you is never think that you're alone in this...

 

I know I'm not alone. I just want advice and figure out what to do with the pain. The lingering feelings, the love, the disgust, all of it and emotional roller coaster. I just want to deal with the pain I've been dealt. I don't know how to cope anymore. I feel like giving up and just let it consume me. It's emotionally draining. Mentally draining, giving this so much thought on how to fix it and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

Going insane from a problem that has no solution. A heart never breaks even does it?

[openbook08]

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

 

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

 

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

 

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

 

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

 

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name. (The Script- Breakeven)

 

sums it up right?

[Surfer Dude]

NC will help you tremendously, not only because it removes her presence from your life, but also because her absence will clear your mind and open your eyes to a whole new perspective.

 

2 months ago, I was also where you are right now, prayed to God every day to alleviate my pain just a little. The pain caused by sorrow was literally physical and ubearable. I put in so many hopes in the future with my ex fiance, that the breakup seemed like the end of the life as I knew it.

 

I know this sounds like a cliche, but time really does heal wounds. And gives you perspective on things, in time you'll kick your ex off that pedestal where you have her.

[pushforward]

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

 

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

 

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

 

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

 

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

 

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name. (The Script- Breakeven)

 

sums it up right?

 

Yes, one of my current songs on my breakup play list. Even though I did nothing wrong. Yes, I am seeking professional help. There are some things in my past that resurfaced through this breakup. I'm in shambles while she lives the good life. How sad for me. I was so happy before and with her. Now, I'm on and off happy, but thinking about her like crazy.

 

I workout, go out as much as I can, basically do not turn down any invite to do anything.

 

NC will help you tremendously, not only because it removes her presence from your life, but also because her absence will clear your mind and open your eyes to a whole new perspective.

 

2 months ago, I was also where you are right now, prayed to God every day to alleviate my pain just a little. The pain caused by sorrow was literally physical and ubearable. I put in so many hopes in the future with my ex fiance, that the breakup seemed like the end of the life as I knew it.

 

I know this sounds like a cliche, but time really does heal wounds. And gives you perspective on things, in time you'll kick your ex off that pedestal where you have her.

 

I don't have her on a pedestal. I had the relationship on the pedestal. I miss the old her and I'm unsure as to why I'm still fighting myself on this subject matter. She left me for another guy. End of story, but I'm an over analyzer by nature and I can't simply just let it go. Everybody says to let it go, but I never had to do this before. I invested so much of my time, love and feelings into this relationship.

 

How long are you in NC now? I'm barely a month and half. Which isn't a substantial amount of time, but considering each day is a day in Hell. It's plenty of time. I don't care what she's up to or what she's doing. I care about my healing and how to move on and let go. Tired of my brain constantly trying to find associations with her. This is more like an obsession, not love.

[Surfer Dude]

 

How long are you in NC now? I'm barely a month and half. Which isn't a substantial amount of time, but considering each day is a day in Hell. It's plenty of time. I don't care what she's up to or what she's doing. I care about my healing and how to move on and let go. Tired of my brain constantly trying to find associations with her. This is more like an obsession, not love.

 

It's been 3 months since breakup and 3 weeks of NC. This is actually the second NC I've tried and that's why I don't feel anything anymore, all my feelings for her burned out during the first NC period.

 

Time is a factor in healing, the more time passes, the more you heal. But it's possible to speed up your healing by taking active steps towards healing or you could slow it down and prolong it if you do things detrimental for your well being.

 

I feel absolutely nothing towards her, probably just contempt. No hate, no anger, no grief, absolutely nothing. The progress at which I heal astonished me, but it's not surprising since I did an immense amount of self work.

 

Bro, don't dwell on why and how things happened, they just did. Your ex acted like a grade A douche, it's important to accept it. You're are trapped in this vicious cycle of grief, pining, anger, pain and depression. I know how ridiculous this must sound to you right now, but you NEED TO take steps towards getting out of this mess. There is no universal cure and I don't know what works for you, but talking to people, hanging out with friends, taking up various projects helped me a lot. Anything that takes your mind off these things will help you.

[pushforward]

It's been 3 months since breakup and 3 weeks of NC. This is actually the second NC I've tried and that's why I don't feel anything anymore, all my feelings for her burned out during the first NC period.

 

Time is a factor in healing, the more time passes, the more you heal. But it's possible to speed up your healing by taking active steps towards healing or you could slow it down and prolong it if you do things detrimental for your well being.

 

I feel absolutely nothing towards her, probably just contempt. No hate, no anger, no grief, absolutely nothing. The progress at which I heal astonished me, but it's not surprising since I did an immense amount of self work.

 

Bro, don't dwell on why and how things happened, they just did. Your ex acted like a grade A douche, it's important to accept it. You're are trapped in this vicious cycle of grief, pining, anger, pain and depression. I know how ridiculous this must sound to you right now, but you NEED TO take steps towards getting out of this mess. There is no universal cure and I don't know what works for you, but talking to people, hanging out with friends, taking up various projects helped me a lot. Anything that takes your mind off these things will help you.

 

I am doing everything to move forward. I guess the 1st will always be the hardest. I wish it were that easy to let her go. I don't know how to move on. Hmm.. More thinking and self reflection to do.

[stoneymirror]

Wow pushinforward, I would get out there and meet someone new. This ex of yours sounds like a total loser. Rest assured this new relationship of her's will also fail cause she's still a dishonest loser. You obviously deserve much better. Think of this as the best thing she could have done for you. Better realize she's a total jerk now than later in life. I know it's tough to move on, but you have to. Don't let this ex of yours take away any more time from you. Obviously she's a total mess, but you can't do anything about that. Things happen for a reason. This is only a test of your own strength, either you defeat it, or it defeats you. You Choose...

[pushforward]

Wow pushinforward, I would get out there and meet someone new. This ex of yours sounds like a total loser. Rest assured this new relationship of her's will also fail cause she's still a dishonest loser. You obviously deserve much better. Think of this as the best thing she could have done for you. Better realize she's a total jerk now than later in life. I know it's tough to move on, but you have to. Don't let this ex of yours take away any more time from you. Obviously she's a total mess, but you can't do anything about that. Things happen for a reason. This is only a test of your own strength, either you defeat it, or it defeats you. You Choose...

 

 

I don't know how to meet someone new. That's also one of my problems. I'm afraid to get hurt again...

 

=P

[stoneymirror]

What do you mean you don't know how to meet someone new. How'd you get into your last relationship? You really need to go out on a limb here and also be able to take rejection with a grain of salt. Nothing ventured, nothing gained right? go to the gym, library, coffee shop, try online dating. There's a ton of ways to talk and meet someone. Stop telling yourself you can't and start believing you CAN. The sooner you can kick start yourself the better. I wouldn't hold back, go out and make a fool of yourself if you have to. Who cares? At least you know what you want, and nothing should get in your way of getting it. You'd be suprised at what you can get by just saying hi to someone and asking them a simple question. And if you want to ask the person out. simple... you say "you wanna hang out sometime" done. Now you're on your way... You gotta do it, and not just think about it. Don't make this a huge issue in itself. It's simple. You have nothing to loose.

[stoneymirror]

afraid to get hurt again. Come on, that's part of the game. No balls no glory. If you aren't willing to lay it out on the line then you'll never have another serious relationship. You really need to pick yourself up here. I know you're hurting but being afraid of getting hurt again is something you're just telling yourself cause you're afraid to move forward. You haven't let the ex go, or at least you're still holding on to every string that's left.

 

It's natural to be afraid of the next person destroying you, but I think you'll find that by not moving on you're doing yourself more damage in the long run. I'm sure you're already at a point where you're coming up with every excuse in the book to blame yourself for the breakup, and you've got this image of this incredible person (ex) that left you.

 

Well just so you know this is all in your head. You're down and depressed over being rejected. Okay, but now's not the time to lay around in your own sorrow. Now's the time to get over it and move on to greener pastures. Ask yourself honestly if you believe this ex of yours is dependable enough to get through the next 40 yrs with you?

 

Pushforward I really think you need to buck up a little and have a little more confidence in yourself. You were hurt by a jerk. So were many of us. Realize this ex of yours was a total fool. If it wasn't you, your ex would have done this to someone else. Stop blaming yourself. Instead feel confident you did the best you could and this idiot couldn't recognize your worth. That's your ex's issue, not yours.

 

I know you had issues with the ex before the breakup, but you ignored those issues to some degree for the sake of staying together and feeling all warm and fuzzy with having someone by your side. Well you don't need this person as much as you think you do. Again much of this self doubt is your own creation.

 

Most importantly, I think everyone should know that whatever you tell yourself is always the truth. Meaning you tell yourself you can't get over him/her, you won't. Stay positive, and keep telling yourself you deserve much better.

[pushforward]

afraid to get hurt again. Come on, that's part of the game. No balls no glory. If you aren't willing to lay it out on the line then you'll never have another serious relationship. You really need to pick yourself up here. I know you're hurting but being afraid of getting hurt again is something you're just telling yourself cause you're afraid to move forward. You haven't let the ex go, or at least you're still holding on to every string that's left.

 

It's natural to be afraid of the next person destroying you, but I think you'll find that by not moving on you're doing yourself more damage in the long run. I'm sure you're already at a point where you're coming up with every excuse in the book to blame yourself for the breakup, and you've got this image of this incredible person (ex) that left you.

 

Well just so you know this is all in your head. You're down and depressed over being rejected. Okay, but now's not the time to lay around in your own sorrow. Now's the time to get over it and move on to greener pastures. Ask yourself honestly if you believe this ex of yours is dependable enough to get through the next 40 yrs with you?

 

Pushforward I really think you need to buck up a little and have a little more confidence in yourself. You were hurt by a jerk. So were many of us. Realize this ex of yours was a total fool. If it wasn't you, your ex would have done this to someone else. Stop blaming yourself. Instead feel confident you did the best you could and this idiot couldn't recognize your worth. That's your ex's issue, not yours.

 

I know you had issues with the ex before the breakup, but you ignored those issues to some degree for the sake of staying together and feeling all warm and fuzzy with having someone by your side. Well you don't need this person as much as you think you do. Again much of this self doubt is your own creation.

 

Most importantly, I think everyone should know that whatever you tell yourself is always the truth. Meaning you tell yourself you can't get over him/her, you won't. Stay positive, and keep telling yourself you deserve much better.

 

Thanks, I needed the kick in the arse. I just don't know where my self confidence is. I saw the guy she is seeing and ew. That's what she left me for. That's why I'm hurt. Seriously, I don't know anything about the guy. He's not physically attractive, he looks like a total loser, complete opposite of me. But, that's just my assumption. He could be the best guy in the world, 2nd after me of course.

 

I just don't know how to deal with that. I'll be more proactive about my dating life. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong. Wasting my time on trying to heal and reflect, when all I need to do is replace her with better memories.

 

Keep posting more stuff stoney, it's helping me.

 

Thanks!

[stoneymirror]

pushforward it's obvious your ex is totally confused as to what she wants and needs. She breaks up and then starts dating someone who appears to be a total loser. Hey guess what, that's what losers do. They date other losers. Makes sense huh? Your ex prolly knew she had it good and never could accept that you were going to stick around. Maybe that's why she ended things, her own insecurities got the best of her and she couldn't handle it. Who knows, but you don't want to be with that sort of person anyhow. Been there done that. People who have little self respect and are always questioning their own self worth will constantly live their lives in fear. And you know what those people do? Run at any sign of getting hurt. It's like a defense mechanism. Insecure people cheat, lie and deceive us so they feel in control, but really they're losing control the whole time. Regardless as you can see there's other more qualified losers out there for her. Let her go knowing she took a huge step backwards and basically got with someone she knows she has control over. She sound manipulative and totally dishonest. That's not who you want to be with, unless you share those same qualities, which I'm assumin you don't. Trust me if he's that ugly she's obviously not seeing clearly. This is probably a rebound in some sorts to moving on, it won't last. Your ex will most likely leave this guy high and dry too. She obviously doesn't accept any sort of responsibility and is a coward. she's a loser and you know it. Now believe it and don't let your stupid heart suck you into believing otherwise. Get out and meet someone new. You'll never move forward by thinkin about the past. So do it

[pushforward]

pushforward it's obvious your ex is totally confused as to what she wants and needs. She breaks up and then starts dating someone who appears to be a total loser. Hey guess what, that's what losers do. They date other losers. Makes sense huh? Your ex prolly knew she had it good and never could accept that you were going to stick around. Maybe that's why she ended things, her own insecurities got the best of her and she couldn't handle it. Who knows, but you don't want to be with that sort of person anyhow. Been there done that. People who have little self respect and are always questioning their own self worth will constantly live their lives in fear. And you know what those people do? Run at any sign of getting hurt. It's like a defense mechanism. Insecure people cheat, lie and deceive us so they feel in control, but really they're losing control the whole time. Regardless as you can see there's other more qualified losers out there for her. Let her go knowing she took a huge step backwards and basically got with someone she knows she has control over. She sound manipulative and totally dishonest. That's not who you want to be with, unless you share those same qualities, which I'm assumin you don't. Trust me if he's that ugly she's obviously not seeing clearly. This is probably a rebound in some sorts to moving on, it won't last. Your ex will most likely leave this guy high and dry too. She obviously doesn't accept any sort of responsibility and is a coward. she's a loser and you know it. Now believe it and don't let your stupid heart suck you into believing otherwise. Get out and meet someone new. You'll never move forward by thinkin about the past. So do it

 

 

Thanks for the insight and advice. I don't think we share the same qualities. I actually want to build a stable future and don't question a relationship. I was very secure with her, then this happens and neediness pops up. I'm unsure as to why I handled myself the way I did. First break up, in uncharted waters. I'm only human and did what I can do, which is the best.

 

I need more self confidence, I don't know where mine went. Before I got with her, I was so damn happy. I was even more happy with her, but now it's like she is the cause of my unhappiness. I'm playing too much of the victim role. I'm having a inner struggle defining who I really am. I guess I grew up a lot with her and lost myself in the passion of my love for her. Time to rediscover myself and make the world my playground. A lot of what you say holds true, I just need my head to register and hang on to those thoughts.

 

She isn't holding me back, I am. I understand that. Maybe, that's my source of frustration, myself. I know all of this. I'll try harder to put myself out there and to move on.

 

Thanks stoney. The world is a better place because of you.

[stoneymirror]

Damn right this world is a better place with me in it. JK, but really pushforward you are your own worst enemy. Everything you tell yourself is always true to you. So tell yourself I'm okay. I don't need this ex, I'm a better man from this experience, but now it's time for me to move on cause there's someone out there better for me. I've lived, I've learned, and now I know I need to stop being this needy girlieman and get some self respect back. Get pissed at yourself for letting yourself fall in these cracks of self doubt. Your ex must have worn off on you too much. Get that confidence back, and tell yourself you're MONEY and you know it. This isn't you, and no girl is gonna want a guy who crumbles so easily and is so dependent on someone else for their happiness.

 

Ask yourself this any time you start getting lonely and think you need her back. Did she lie to you - Yes, can you trust her - No, Do you even respect how she carries herself - NO. That's enough to never want to see her again. Now kick yourself in the ass and get going with your life. What's in the past is in the past you can't change it now.

[Surfer Dude]

Thanks for the insight and advice. I don't think we share the same qualities. I actually want to build a stable future and don't question a relationship. I was very secure with her, then this happens and neediness pops up. I'm unsure as to why I handled myself the way I did. First break up, in uncharted waters. I'm only human and did what I can do, which is the best.

 

I need more self confidence, I don't know where mine went. Before I got with her, I was so damn happy. I was even more happy with her, but now it's like she is the cause of my unhappiness. I'm playing too much of the victim role. I'm having a inner struggle defining who I really am. I guess I grew up a lot with her and lost myself in the passion of my love for her. Time to rediscover myself and make the world my playground. A lot of what you say holds true, I just need my head to register and hang on to those thoughts.

 

She isn't holding me back, I am. I understand that. Maybe, that's my source of frustration, myself. I know all of this. I'll try harder to put myself out there and to move on.

 

Thanks stoney. The world is a better place because of you.

 

Way to go man

 

You have realized that it's you who is making yourself feel this way, not her, she's just an external trigger.

 

I also wanted stability and to build a nice future with my fiance, it never even occured to me that she could ever leave me for another man, that possibility just didn't exist in my mind. You can imagine the shock I experienced. But this was such a growing experience for me, I feel like a man again and I know that I have all the power to achieve anything I want in my life.

[pushforward]

Way to go man

 

You have realized that it's you who is making yourself feel this way, not her, she's just an external trigger.

 

I also wanted stability and to build a nice future with my fiance, it never even occured to me that she could ever leave me for another man, that possibility just didn't exist in my mind. You can imagine the shock I experienced. But this was such a growing experience for me, I feel like a man again and I know that I have all the power to achieve anything I want in my life.

 

Oh, I've always known that pain is internal. I just don't know why I cannot get her out of my head or how to let go. I'm sorry that you had to under go that experience, but it's probably the best thing that has ever happened to you. This break up taught me many things about myself. I however just need to let the past go. Too many wasted hours crying and pining over a girl who wasn't worth the time.

[lonelygurl]

I am only a week into my b/f dumping me for a second time. The pain is unbearable. I've already been dealing with severe depression. This is about to send me over the edge.

 

I honestly don't know what to do to cope. I try to watch movies or read for distractions. Can you try reading any self help books? read up on break ups, grieving, bereavement.

 

Everyone grieves differently so you can't really put a time frame on it. I know I once read it could take up too two years to completely recover. I do know the first time my X dumped me he came back six months later and I still wasn't over him.

 

I have gotten some self esteem books and co-dependancy books to read. As well ones on grieving, even if I can only read bits and pieces.

 

I can feel your unbearable pain. I want to start cutting just to release some of it. I think I'm getting near hospitalization.

 

Good luck.:)

[pushforward]

I am only a week into my b/f dumping me for a second time. The pain is unbearable. I've already been dealing with severe depression. This is about to send me over the edge.

 

I honestly don't know what to do to cope. I try to watch movies or read for distractions. Can you try reading any self help books? read up on break ups, grieving, bereavement.

 

Everyone grieves differently so you can't really put a time frame on it. I know I once read it could take up too two years to completely recover. I do know the first time my X dumped me he came back six months later and I still wasn't over him.

 

I have gotten some self esteem books and co-dependancy books to read. As well ones on grieving, even if I can only read bits and pieces.

 

I can feel your unbearable pain. I want to start cutting just to release some of it. I think I'm getting near hospitalization.

 

Good luck.:)

 

First off, this is my first time being dumped. Not sure, but healing isn't linear. Exes are exes for a reason. You should never go back unless both of you have changed and the split was clean, no other people, cheating, abuse, etc..

 

I'm learning to make a good support group and habits out of this. Habits and tools essential to my future. Everybody gets co-dependent on somebody else, especially if you "love" them. That's just how relationships are. You learn to trust and rely on somebody, hence the co-dependency in some major or minor form.

 

Depression and happiness is a choice. Work on becoming happy and maintaining happiness, do not let anybody determine your happiness or be the source of it. Cutting... =/

 

Self mutilation is never the answer. There are people here who will listen to you, you just got to talk. We all want to help you and we all deserve to be happy. It's time to stop playing the victim and take your own life into your own hands. This is not just directed to you, but to myself.

 

I'm sure I'll feel crappy again tomorrow, but at least right now, I feel damn good!

[stoneymirror]

Your emotions will go up and down. One day you're fine, the next you feel miserable. That's part of the healing process. Gotta realize with each passing day you're gettin better. But keep NC. Stay focused on healing yourself and you really have to keep asking yourself if you could REALLY see yourself with this ex. Most of us have been deceived and lied to and plain out disrespected. I hope everyone on here has the strength to walk away and not give into their own fears and emotional insecurities. There are other people out there for you. Personally, I found someone that's such a better match for me, and I'm glad I didn't hesitate at gettin back out there...

 

It's been 3 dates now and I'm completely taken aback on how much we've got in common. It's almost scary... It's like I've known this girl for years, everything feels so natural and good with her, I can't believe it. She's on the same page as me and shares the same outlooks. I'm almost scared to admit it, but I'm already falling for this new girl. She's also really excited and it's a wonderful feeling. Makes me realize that with each door that closes a new one really does open.

 

So I really urge you guys who've been hurt by your ex's to get out there and have fun. Meet someone new. Don't let this ex take another minute away from you. You don't want to pass up the opportunity of a life time cause you've fallen into the cracks of depression. I can't urge this enough, the love of your life might be right in front of you, do you have the guts to take it?

[EmperorR]

I agree with stonymirror, my ex fiancé cheated and dumped me I was a sad depressed girlieman for a long time. I started tAlking to this girl, I told her everything how my ex treated me etc., And she was there for me listeninjng giving advice a complete Stranger that I just happened to meet.

 

The one thing I feared was getting to close to a girl again, because I was waiting on my ex to return. LOL yes I was a idiot. But then she came along and just like stonymirror I've fallen for her. We have so much in common, more than me and my ex ever did. Hell she was with her ex for like 2 years and he cheated on her, so we both know the pain.

 

I haven't told her anything yet, were still friends but it's just showing me thY yes there are better compatible women out there for me than my lying, cheating ex.

[pushforward]

I don't know why the urge to check on her myspace is great today. I won't do it. Won't get me anywhere. Just looking for more hurt. The itch will go away. Must refrain from looking. Do not want over a month of NC to go down the drain.

[LiveandLearn]

I have gotten some self esteem books and co-dependancy books to read. As well ones on grieving, even if I can only read bits and pieces.

 

I can feel your unbearable pain. I want to start cutting just to release some of it. I think I'm getting near hospitalization.

 

No one is worth injuring yourself over. EVER. You need to learn to love yourself. The last self-help type book I read that I found to be helpful was "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I suggest you check it out if you haven't already. And you can't put a time table on how long it will take you to heal or "get over" this. You'll know soon enough. Check www.coda.org there might be meetings near you. I, myself, have yet to go to one of those meetings, although I know I probably should. It wouldn't hurt.

 

pushforward: DON'T DO IT! Checking her myspace will only send you back spiraling down that deep, dark road of depression. Hell, I'm on here to keep myself from checking my now-estranged-husband's facebook/email.... It's workin so far!