Not doing well - Reposted

[lonelygurl]

My b/f left me a note the other morning that he can't handle our depressions together and signed it with love. I took that to mean he needs to move out. I was in shock and still am. I just feel kind of numb. I sort of knew it might be coming but for him to leave a note.

 

A bit of info....We were together before for three and a half years and he said he needed time apart. He left all his stuff here and for a month was back and forth, then finally said he had to move out. Hence he had a new g/f. Six months later he came begging for another chance saying he'd made a huge mistake and he loved me, so I took him back.

 

Now three and a half years later I'm sitting in the same situation. He left a note that he can't handle both our depressions and wishes he was a stronger person. Signed it with love, and has left all his stuff here.

 

That day I got my phone numbers changed and the locks on my doors changed.

 

I had to talk to him on the phone the other day when the computer guy was here and I could tell by the tone in his voice he was happy to hear from me, it was like he wanted me to talk, like he wanted me to beg and plead for him to come home. I'm not playing that game again. I'm not playing the wishy washy game until he finds a new g/f.

 

Today I have been a mess going over all the what if's and whys. Why did he leave a note and not tell me to my face. Why does he never want to work on things when it gets a bit rough? Why tell me he loves me in his note? and on and on......

 

I don't know if I have the strength to cope to get his stuff packed up and I don't want him coming here to do it. I don't want to see him because I would be more of a mess.

 

It took everything in my power to not call him back the other day after I talked to him. That tone in his voice really weakened me. But I want answers! He said he'd stay no matter what this time. LIES

 

I feel so weak and raw. My depression is getting worse and feel like just ending it all. I'm so useless :sick:

[fabulousgal]

You are not useless. Just because a man leaves, does not in any way shape or form make you useless. He is useless to you, because he cannot provide you with the love you deserve....

 

I understand these feelings because I went through them and sometimes still have them. Please if you don't already, go talk to someone. Saying things like you should end it means that your coping mechanism is a little off and you deserve to get through this with a little extra help with a therapist.

 

You can prove to yourself through work that you are not useless and have much value to offer someone. You've got to get that in check so when relationships don't work out (because it is a lot of trial and error to find the one that works) you don't revert to "I am useless." It should be, "As a companion he is useless to me, because I am important and deserve the best."

 

All the best.

[lonelygurl]

Thank you fabulousgal!