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Dumper, Dumpee, Now Waiting


Tryn2LookAhead

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Tryn2LookAhead

Long story short. I was married for nearly 20 years. I became unhappy and clinically depressed. Went to counseling. Was told the marriage was over and if I stayed I would become severely depressed, a drunk or a cheat. Was going through this with a coworker who was going through the same thing. We bonded emotionally. We supported each other. There was an attraction and feelings, but we couldn't act on it because of the rules. We both got divorced around the same time. We both began seeing someone else. Our feelings started to become more open to the point we both felt we were in love with each other. But couldn't do anything about it.

 

So these relationships continued for a couple years. Mine was rocky. I felt I was in love with the coworker and couldn't emotionally commit to the person I was with. This was awful because she was perfect for me. The relationship finally ended. The coworker's hasn't but now that I'm out, she tells me she has the same problem. Basically has a wall up for this guy and isn't in love. She wants to end it and for us to be together for good (which would require one of us quitting out jobs). But her problem is, her guy is a good guy. No problems. Nothing to base the end of the relationship on.

 

Her kids, friends, his kids, friends are all invested in the relationship. She said its very hard, but she wants to do it eventually. I catch myself being pushy. She says trust me; be patient; if you want to date, go ahead, but I'm gonna do it eventually. Well I find myself missing my exgf. After it ended, now I regret having feelings for the coworker and not making this perfect. But its too late. She is gone now and I had it coming. So now I wait for the coworker.

 

I don't want her to end it for me, but for her own reasons and her own timing. But I can't help getting upset when she makes plans with him. I feel so lost in limbo. I even considered saying 'screw it' and getting back with my ex-wife because the financial situation sucks and kids sake. But I fear I would be depressed again. I need someone new to come along and sweep me off my feet!!!!

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You need to tread very carefully here. 20 years is a long time and your coworker seems to be your emotional rebound from your marriage ...and you are hers. Even though you two haven't hooked up yet, and even though you both have had relationships with other people since, you do appear overly 'infatuated' with each other. Trust me, that's not a road you want to be traveling down, especially if she is someone you actually want to have a lasting LTR with. Rebounds very rarely work out.

 

Both of you need to do some soul-searching, maybe take some time to yourselves.

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Tryn2LookAhead

My dilemma is I feel like if don't engage it now, she will end up settling for her current loveless yet 'comfortable' relationship.

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