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Perfect End to a Perfect Love


MichiganMan222

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MichiganMan222

Unfortunately, the relationship was imperfect. Last night, my ex and I got on Yahoo. We agreed we needed to do everything we can to move on. We love each other very much, but both of our lives are chaotic right now and it strained the relationship and the relationship added stress. Our relationship seemed bi-polar. It was either filled with intense emotional and sexual pleasure, or intense bitterness and arguing. We both agreed we wanted to remember each other for the positive side and to end on a positive note. So we agreed to one final intimate night together. I went over to her house and we made love. Very passionate, very pleasurable for both of us. One thing that never failed is we are both very very physically attracted to each other. After it was over, we laid in bed and embraced each other for over an hour giving encouragement and saying our final good-bye. She didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to knowing it was the last time ever. She was very sad and weeping, but I somehow got back my emotional stability after a couple weeks of instability and remained strong. It was actually a nice ending that I'm hopeful will allow us to move on with good memories of each other. So today is day one of what I think is a long long string of NC. Wish us both luck. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and the best thing that ever happened to me.

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Unfortunately, the relationship was imperfect. Last night, my ex and I got on Yahoo. We agreed we needed to do everything we can to move on. We love each other very much, but both of our lives are chaotic right now and it strained the relationship and the relationship added stress. Our relationship seemed bi-polar. It was either filled with intense emotional and sexual pleasure, or intense bitterness and arguing. We both agreed we wanted to remember each other for the positive side and to end on a positive note. So we agreed to one final intimate night together. I went over to her house and we made love. Very passionate, very pleasurable for both of us. One thing that never failed is we are both very very physically attracted to each other. After it was over, we laid in bed and embraced each other for over an hour giving encouragement and saying our final good-bye. She didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to knowing it was the last time ever. She was very sad and weeping, but I somehow got back my emotional stability after a couple weeks of instability and remained strong. It was actually a nice ending that I'm hopeful will allow us to move on with good memories of each other. So today is day one of what I think is a long long string of NC. Wish us both luck. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

Good luck, and if that's the last time you spend together, then it will be a good memory. Just make sure to keep looking forward and not get stuck in place.

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Unfortunately, the relationship was imperfect. Last night, my ex and I got on Yahoo. We agreed we needed to do everything we can to move on. We love each other very much, but both of our lives are chaotic right now and it strained the relationship and the relationship added stress. Our relationship seemed bi-polar. It was either filled with intense emotional and sexual pleasure, or intense bitterness and arguing. We both agreed we wanted to remember each other for the positive side and to end on a positive note. So we agreed to one final intimate night together. I went over to her house and we made love. Very passionate, very pleasurable for both of us. One thing that never failed is we are both very very physically attracted to each other. After it was over, we laid in bed and embraced each other for over an hour giving encouragement and saying our final good-bye. She didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to knowing it was the last time ever. She was very sad and weeping, but I somehow got back my emotional stability after a couple weeks of instability and remained strong. It was actually a nice ending that I'm hopeful will allow us to move on with good memories of each other. So today is day one of what I think is a long long string of NC. Wish us both luck. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I don't quite understand why you couldn't have worked on something that was great in so many ways or, if you did, why working on things didn't work?????????????????

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Ya, What Tony said. What about couples counceling? Not every realationship is perfect, there will be some good and some bad and the bad is what takes the effort.

 

I dont know all the details but it seems like you guys could have figured something out. Good luck nonetheless.

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Ruby Slippers

I also had a lot of volatility in my last relationship. Crazy chemistry and passion, but he ran hot and cold and it was very stressful and sad for me.

 

I kind of wish I could have pulled off a similar ending, but he kept trying to hang onto me at the end, and my strength to leave what I knew wasn't working melted in his presence. So it never would have worked for me. I gave him fair warning that I was seriously considering a break, though, and I'm pretty sure he kind of knew it was coming, so I think we got our good-bye lovin' in toward the end.

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MichiganMan222

Its hard to explain. She didn't feel my commitment was there. We broke up many times before but we couldn't stay away from each other. The problem was I wasn't expressing my love. I basically bottled it inside and she felt the relationship was lop-sided. Only after I knew she meant it this time did I come out of my shell and all of those bottled up feelings for her came out...like a hurricane. Of course it appeared as though I was just doing this to stay with her. The thing is, I showed the love with affection and adoration during the two years, but I never could say the words to her. She admitted she didn't know if I meant it now or not after the break up but it made it even harder for her to walk-away (BTW, I DO mean it 100%; there's no need to lie to you folks)....well anyway, the end was very troubling. We said some very mean things and were very hostile towards each other. I didn't want to let her go and she kept feeling like I had someone on deck already and was very jealous. Very mentally difficult at this point and it only added to the chaotic lives we had with other of life's issues....it was then we agreed we didn't want our memories to reflect the ugly last couple weeks but rather be a reflection of the two years there were very tender. So we ended on a good note and I tell you I am so grateful for her to want to do that too. It meant so much to me. I would love to have her back, but I blew it and now I have no option but to move on. We are on Day 2 of NC. I'm doing OK although I can't stop thinking about her. I'm guessing she is doing the same. But I will not contact her and I will let her move on as my last nice gift to the woman I love so much. :(

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The Collector

Sorry to break it to you, but she dumped you and it's probably not for the reasons she stated. She was attracted to you when you were emotionally unavialble, then went off you once you opened up like she asked. She got what she thought she wanted, and she didn't like it. You might have 'blown it' but not in the way she wants you to think. She probably just wanted to move on and blaming you for your emotional distance/oh now you're emotional but I can't trust it, was just a smokescreen.

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MichiganMan222

I don't know about that. This wasn't sudden. Just like Ruby Slippers, she gave me plenty of red flags and was very specific about what was distressing her. She maintained it throughout and was very clear for months. I just didn't take it serious enough, and took it for granted that she wouldn't leave me as I slowly addressed these issues. She was very angry with me because I was 'the one', but let things go too long too the point where she felt it was compromising her mental and even physical well-being.

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The Collector

Sometimes a woman (or man) who sees the relationship not lasting forever might construct a guilt-free escape route long before they need to use it. How do you explain that once you'd given her what she wanted and opened up, she wasn't satisfied and it instead inspired a new problem? You fixed the problem. It didn't solve anything, and maybe hastened the end. Ergo, the problem wasn't the one presented.

 

How old are you both? Were there any other issues that came up when you argued?

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I have to admit to being a bit disappointed. Your headline "Perfect End to a Perfect Love" led me to expect you to describe strangling her.

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MichiganMan222

HAHAHA noooo, far from it. Our noses were touching; our eyes were staring into each other's. I was running my fingers through her hair with my left hand and caressing her cheek with my right.....I'll let you guess what was happening from the neck down. :)

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Ruby Slippers
How do you explain that once you'd given her what she wanted and opened up, she wasn't satisfied and it instead inspired a new problem? You fixed the problem. It didn't solve anything, and maybe hastened the end. Ergo, the problem wasn't the one presented.

I disagree.

 

A lot of what you are saying rings very similar to what was happening between my ex and me. He was excellent at showing his love, affection, and attraction through actions -- when it came to the physical realm, I had never felt sexier or more gorgeous with any man. He just wasn't so hot with words.

 

Only after I knew she meant it this time did I come out of my shell and all of those bottled up feelings for her came out...like a hurricane. Of course it appeared as though I was just doing this to stay with her.

This happened with us, too. His opening up was more gradual, but the effect was the same. He explained that his "fear of feeling" was a fear of being hurt. That never made much sense to me. If he really loved me, but did not show it and make me feel loved, I made it clear I would not settle for that -- which meant he would lose me and CAUSE the hurt he was so afraid of. It would only be through him opening up and truly loving that I would ever be happy with him and stay with him.

 

And I really felt that we could have been amazing together, but there was something holding him back. He warned me in advance he struggled with emotions and expressing them, so I let him take the lead on all the emotional landmarks and never pressured him on that stuff. When we were long distance, I guess he felt "safer", because he was much more loving and expressive, professing his feelings and talking about big plans. Once he moved to my city, he snapped closed like a clam and would only open up for brief periods. He'd let me in, and as soon as I got comfortable, he'd kick me out and snap closed again.

 

In the beginning, he was horrible at any kind of verbal reassurance, compassion, empathy, compliments. As we talked more and more about these things, he learned how to express his feelings in words, and he started doing it. I did my best to let it in, but I was never fully sure that his words were genuine. I thought, "If this guy really loved me, he wouldn't be able to hold it in. He wouldn't have to force it out of himself like it was some kind of chore." I subscribe to the principle of Occam's razor: the simplest explanation is usually the right one. I, too, wondered if he weren't just saying them to keep the boat from rocking. I also never liked the feeling that I had to train him. Like a puppy.

 

Part of me feels that if he really loved me, he wouldn't have let me go. I gave him every opportunity to step up, and he never really did. He would do it briefly, and then get "scared" or whatever again. So, I guess I will just always have to wonder: was he just not that into me, or did he really love me but have some crippling fear of commitment?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to give the female perspective, because it sounds as though we had similar relationship dynamics. I absolutely wanted to be with this guy, but his behavior did not allow me to ever really feel safe or secure.

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HAHAHA noooo, far from it. Our noses were touching; our eyes were staring into each other's. I was running my fingers through her hair with my left hand and caressing her cheek with my right.....I'll let you guess what was happening from the neck down. :)

 

 

Hum.. I like that.. ;)

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Ruby Slippers
I don't know about that. This wasn't sudden. Just like Ruby Slippers, she gave me plenty of red flags and was very specific about what was distressing her. She maintained it throughout and was very clear for months. I just didn't take it serious enough, and took it for granted that she wouldn't leave me as I slowly addressed these issues. She was very angry with me because I was 'the one', but let things go too long too the point where she felt it was compromising her mental and even physical well-being.

I feel like my ex could have written this. It's weird.

 

It's comforting to read your side of things, MichiganMan. It somehow makes everything more human and understandable. I have been wondering if he even cares that I left, if any of it even mattered to him. Reading your thoughts is making me realize that it wasn't that he didn't care. It was very plain to see he cared. All my friends (even guys) said he was obviously crazy about me. I think that like you, he thought he could take his sweet little time and I would wait for him to figure it out.

 

Toward the very end, when his sister broke up with her boyfriend for very similar reasons, after talking to her about her reasons why (which were echoes of everything I'd been saying for months), he said to me, "I've completely had my head up my ass. I can't lose you," and so on.

 

But I reached my breaking point, too. I just couldn't wait for him to figure it out any longer and retain my self-respect.

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MichiganMan222

Indeed, and that's what happened with her. I broke her. She made herself 100% vulnerable and I hurt her. On one hand I couldn't get why she would be doing this. "You waited for me for two years to be open and complete with my love and HERE I AM! So why walk away now?! WHY?!?!?!?" But on the other hand, I could see why these open feelings of mine seemed so hollow to her. I think her heart wanted to believe it, but her brain won in the end. The sad part for me from my perspective is I know its all very very genune. I have no doubts. But I could kick myself in the ass for not doing it sooner. My only hope is she loves me like she says and will miss me the same. And her heart will tell her to take another look. If for no other reason than to see if my words and actions in the end were real. But I can see her fighting that too. She opened up her heart to me...WIDE open and got burnt. What makes me think she would take the chance of that happening again after spending 2 agonizing months closing the door on me. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH I am such a fool.

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MichiganMan222

I told you before about my ex prior to this ex. Well today she called and asked me she could spend the night with me tomorrow night. This would obviously start a new relationship. The thing is, I still have feelings for her. She was an incredible woman too. But I'm still in love with my last ex. I almost feel like if I go through with it, I will doom any chance with my current ex. What if she wants me back in a month? We've only been on NC for two days now since that last and 'final' glorious night of lovemaking. On the other hand, if my current ex doesn't want me back, I will blow a chance to fell head over heels again with this one again and we would be be very happy. She claims even after two years with the same guy, she still loves me and the reason she broke up with him is because she couldn't seem to fall in love with him.

 

What should I do? Pursue established love that is not likely to come to fruition (if she never wants me back) or pursue someone that I'm almost certain I will fall back in love with (I assume, but who knows if I will stay stuck on the current ex). Like my current ex, she dumped me two years ago. That was for completely different and complicated external circumstance. Those circumstances are long gone.

 

My head is spinning.

 

I wish I was a heartless dog sometimes.

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You know, I think a lot of people here will tell you not to go for either ex- because an ex is an ex.

 

The one from 2 years ago, if you think she wants a REAL relationship, and it looks like she wont hurt you - I personally say, give it a try! It's been two years now, I'm sure the two of you have changed, clearly you've both experienced other relationships, it could lead to good things.

 

If that 2 year ago ex though lets say, left you for another man. He may be gone now, but that's downright cruel. Don't take her back TOO easily, if you choose to take her back. If you let her in quickly, that maybe can be good - and with two years between your breakup with her, I'd expect if she did leave you for another man, then most wounds would be healed but... if you let her in too easily, she may end up walking all over you again, so beware. Of course, that may not even be the reason you broke up, I really have no clue! But yeah, if she did something like that, taking her back could be awesome (in my opinion), but only if you make sure you're the one in control of the situation (for the beginning) and not her.

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The Collector

You are more likely to win back your newest ex if you are seeing your previous ex. Call it jealousy, call it the other person realising someone else values what they didn't, but that's the way the women (and men) work.

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MichiganMan222

Well that would actually really upset me. It would make me think she is doing the whole "I don't want you, but don't want anyone else to have you" thing which in my opinion is the epitome of selfishness.

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Ruby Slippers

It seems to me it would be helpful to take some time and clear your head before you jump right back into it with someone. Rebound? Wasn't part of your problem with the recent ex that your residual feelings and guilt from your marriage made expressing, or even feeling, your feelings for her difficult?

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MichiganMan222

Yes, but in this case I think there is an established foundation that could be rekindled. I don't know. I will have to see how I feel inside. I definitely will be honest with her if I catch myself hung-up on the current-ex. I certainly wouldn't want to hurt hurt for her sake and the sake of any future. She knows my exact situation going in. If this were someone new that I met, I would probably keep my distance. I don't see how new feelings could appear in the state I am now. But as mentioned I think the prior ex is different. We had a very strong emotional bond. Like I said, I guess I have to go in slowly and see how I feel as I lie awake at night staring into the ceiling. It should be obvious to me.

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