Jump to content

Not Sure How to Continue..


nickelinadime

Recommended Posts

I'm sure some of you might know my story. If not:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t162974/

 

Well, I suppose it's update time. I went about a week under no contact with her and she had something to discuss with me. So I let her call me. We talked for a while until she turned the conversation into talking about the relationship. Well, I ended up telling her how I felt and she decided to reconsider. A few days later I got a phone call. It was her. I picked up and we started to discuss again. She told me that she wanted me really badly but didn't want the relationship. We figured out a way to make it work, that we were going to take it really slowly. Anyways, a week in I told her I was feeling insecure about the whole deal. She told me that she wasn't taking it seriously until we stopped fighting. Anyways, we ended up getting in a fight today and she refuses to talk to me. She told me that she's not sure if she wants to continue trying at the relationship or not.

 

I've pretty much decided that I'm going to move on with my life, and I've already had a friend offer to set me up with one of her friends (it's happening tomorrow). We were broken up for 2 months and the pain was more or less dulled, and I haven't let myself get attatched yet, so it's not that bad.

 

Am I dealing with this the right way? I'll keep everyone posted day-to-day on how everything goes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How is it that it only takes others here a few weeks to get over a breakup and start dating again, and I'm still so wrecked after 14 months? At two months, I was still unable to eat, sleep, or leave the apartment, and pretty much just lay in bed sobbing all the time. If you're able to date again after two months, do it! It sounds like you can do better than this indecisive girl anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Be very wary of anything that comes with 'requirements', i.e. Im not going to take the relationship seriously until we stop fighting. The problem with a statement like that is that she can pretty much start a fight, and thereby have an excuse to walk away again. When someone is commited to you, they take the good with the bad. They learn to take a fight, and turn it into a discussion. Even if both people arent 100% pleased with the outcome, you have to be willing to make a comprimise here and there.

 

Brother, she is sure. She is sure she doesnt want to deal with the relationship, but she isnt so sure she wants to give you up until a replacement can be found. Everything about what shes said gives me the feeling shes trying to hedge her bets. You cant let her get away with that, or she'll lose respect for you. And if youre anything like me, youll lose respect for yourself.

 

Ive been there before, accepting rules to take back some one that dumped me. (its crazy, someone dumps you, and you find yourself playing their game to take them back - WTF). Problem is, its all smoke and mirrors. They are just tricking you into thinking if you do X then Y will happen, but they know they control at least 50% of X so they can skew the outcome if they so chose.

 

NC until she comes back with an unconditional desire to reconcile or is willing to let you throw a few words into what the conditions are. Dont stand for her telling you how its gotta be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I appreciate the feedback from both of you.

 

The thing with her is that she hasn't made any progress at all at getting over me. While I spent the month or two moving on, she couldn't. She chased me for an entire year, so I don't really see her just hedging her bets until there's a replacement, because she's never been able to find one.

 

My decision was to let her work out her issue with relationships on her own, while I went out and scouted other girls until she figured out her own problems. Of course, I wouldn't tell her that, but that was the plan.

 

No contact until she comes to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

The thing with her is that she hasn't made any progress at all at getting over me. While I spent the month or two moving on, she couldn't. She chased me for an entire year, so I don't really see her just hedging her bets until there's a replacement, because she's never been able to find one.

 

My decision was to let her work out her issue with relationships on her own, while I went out and scouted other girls

 

Okay, if I didn't want to shoot myself ten minutes ago, I sure as hell do now. That poor poor girl. God, the degree to which men disgust me knows no bounds.

 

I feel about a million times worse after reading this than I did before. I'm going to bed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I appreciate the feedback from both of you.

 

The thing with her is that she hasn't made any progress at all at getting over me. While I spent the month or two moving on, she couldn't. She chased me for an entire year, so I don't really see her just hedging her bets until there's a replacement, because she's never been able to find one.

 

My decision was to let her work out her issue with relationships on her own, while I went out and scouted other girls until she figured out her own problems. Of course, I wouldn't tell her that, but that was the plan.

 

No contact until she comes to me.

 

Dude, thats a pretty solid plan. I would stick with that.

 

I hear you about the hedging her bets, perhaps I'm just projecting what I went through onto your ex. I just dont get how people dont know if they want to be with someone or not. I always get leery when people start putting conditions on getting back together that arent 100% in your control (i.e. stop drinking/smoking/drugs, get a job, etc) My ex said we needed to learn how to comunicate, but then never wanted to talk, and believe me, I tried everything. It was like a way for her to sabatoge the relationship and look like she tried or something. I just didnt want you to go through that, but it sounds like youre thinking really smart about this.

 

Keep it up!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

So here's my update for those of you who care: we haven't talked today. And it hurts. I was suppost to meet someone (but I wasn't aware that I was because we hadn't talked to night before.) The girls I was suppost to meet texted the ex to find out where I was and she left a worried email. So much for not talking to me and not caring about me. I'm still waiting for her to come to me first.

 

I'm suppost to be meeting a few girls this weekend. My friend is trying to hook her friends up. Hopefully that all goes well.

 

Am I doing the right thing? I still miss her very much but I need to move on, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Update #2 (as if anyone cares):

 

We finally talked today. She told me that she's slipped back into her eating disorder but I don't really know what to do anymore. She told me she wanted to go into no contact (which is what I was planning on doing anyways, but for some reason I feel so alone.)

 

I saw an old friend of mine today who's got a lot of connections to single girls. I'm really looking forward to her introducing some of them to me. It's just, part of me feels like I'm betraying her.

 

This breakup is almost at a bittersweet point right now, so why does it hurt so much?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...