dealing with loneliness

[Whey2Big4u]

it will be a year next month after my fiance of six years left me.

 

I am so extremely lonely, and its hard to really tell anyone so i figure id post here. this site has sorta helped me over the last year.

 

What to do to get over the loneliness???

 

Ive tried everything, I went out with friends, I met alot of new poeople, Ive dated

 

I picked up some of my hobbies again, I got a new job and I am advancing very fast beyond what i thought.

 

Im a good looking guy.....it took me a long time to realize that, and I am a good guy sometimes i think im too good for some (not to sound stuck up)

 

 

I even tried the internet dating thing, but Its not for me... i like to meet a person first (bad eperiences)

 

How come I feel nothing but loneliness.

 

Im jealous of my ex becasue shes already had a few boyfriends after me...it seems so easy for her and now shes with someone and she seems happy. How come I cant find anyone??

 

If it wasnt for my dog, I probably wouldnt be here to type this.

 

I just need a place to vent....still doesnt help me being lonely

[motive2002]

I'm there, more often than I'd like to be. Most of my friends are paired off. Kids, family, the whole thing.

 

I guess about the only thing you can do is revel in your freedom. Try to make the best of the situation you're in. You can come and go as you please. Wind up a favorite book or video game and get involved with that, or you can do like I'm doing.. sitting in my jockeys posting on Loveshack.

 

It's my life by my terms on my schedule. Take a look at how "happy" your coupled friends are. I bet they wish they were back in your shoes sometimes.

 

 

I'm here by myself. Sometimes that's the very best place to be.

[kizik]

Take a look at how "happy" your coupled friends are. I bet they wish they were back in your shoes sometimes.

 

Motive, true words. The grass is f*cking greener on the other side, no matter what side of the fence you're on.

 

I think the happy medium is to date people and not get too serious about it. Just chill with folks, f*ck people.

 

For real though OP, the best way to diminish loneliness is to realize that being alive means being lonely, and that every person in this retarded world is lonely too. Whether or not they're with someone.

[D-Lish]

Hey-

 

After 6 years of being with someone, it's no wonder you're still feeling the effects. You become accustomed to being part of a couple. Figuring out who you are outside of that romantic entaglement isn't something that falls into place overnight.

 

It takes work and a whole lot of soul searching to find that independance again. Don't beat yourself up because you haven't gotten to that place just yet. It seems like the progress you have made thus far is pretty impressive. Keep embracing your achievements and allowing yourself time to discover who you are as an individual outside of a relationship.

 

I still feel lonley at the best of times- it's been 6 years since I left my husband I was with for almost a decade.... the healing takes time.

I too have dogs that I am so happy to have as company.

 

Celebrate the distance you have come so far- that's a lot of progress in just a year. You're doing all the right things to get over the lonley feeling. I think you ought to give yourself a lot of credit for that.

[nowhereman82]

In your same shoes OP. 5 years. And I agree with D-Lish....spending so much time with someone it's hard to find yourself as a individual and in my own words, to feel complete.

 

I am having a hard time with this as well....but I have faith that time and a good outlook will get me where I need to be.

 

I don't agree with dating to not feel lonely all the time. Need to find a way to feel more complete so you aren't with people as a crutch.

 

Hope you find what you need.

[D-Lish]

In your same shoes OP. 5 years. And I agree with D-Lish....spending so much time with someone it's hard to find yourself as a individual and in my own words, to feel complete.

 

I am having a hard time with this as well....but I have faith that time and a good outlook will get me where I need to be.

 

I don't agree with dating to not feel lonely all the time. Need to find a way to feel more complete so you aren't with people as a crutch.

 

Hope you find what you need.

 

Good point. You can date or shag as many people as you want- but that isn't what is going to make you feel whole again. When you break up with someone- it really is like losing a part of your identity. SO it's a process to fill that up with new definitions.

 

My husband was once such an integral part of my existance- that I felt so lost after I left him and began life anew.

 

It's still an ongoing process even years later. Always a learning experience- even the tough times give definition and shape to our new selves.

 

I've been IN a relationship and felt lonley--- that is worse than actually being alone. I think it's a matter of finding peace with being alone. At some point understanding that being lonley, and being alone are two seperate things is important to reconcile with.

 

I am kind of at that point where as much as I don't want to be alone- I am beginning to feel comfortable with it. You will come to that realization yourself. Just allow yourself the time, and accept that it's a process.

 

;-)

[FadedSign]

In the same boat. 7 yr relationship ended a few months ago. I've taken up a few new hobbies and picked up some old ones. Ex is already seeing someone else of course. It's tough. I really miss the companionship and I am lonely a lot. It will get easier with time though I am convinced of that. And some day we will meet someone who is special again, but you can't force it. Try to learn to be happy on your own, it doesn't come automatically... Best of luck to you!

[saams]

i was together with someone for 3 months and when we broke up i felt really lonely, cant even imagne how that most be after 6 years..

 

but seriously..dont mean to hurt your feelings even more but you gotta move on.. a year and your still at the same place you should have been 10 months ago..

 

it is harder for some people but a year is just too much, you NEED to find out what makes you happy. date some more people.. maybe you'll find some one you like..move to some friends or family so you always have some one to talk to.. whatever it takes, find out what you need to do and do it, dont even give it a second thought, when you find out what is gonna make you happy again just do it.

 

and imo stop thinking about your ex, stop seeing / contacting her and just focus 100% on yourself.

[Lookingforward]

You can't say what's too soon to 'get over it' or what's too long to 'grieve the loss'..........everyone processes a breakup in their own time and fast forwarding when you're not ready can lead to just more pain.

 

We come into the world alone and leave it alone.......it's only in between we get to share ourselves with others.

[Peter_pan]

i disagree ^^

 

a year is nothing if he was with her for 6 years and they were engaged. i was with my ex for 3 yrs and its been 7 months and im still weak...

 

yeh some days are better than others. i have read some good comments above and have really taken on what dlish said > ive been in some relationships and felt lonely, that is worse than being alone.

 

i too felt that way when i was with the ex. it is not nice.

[Whey2Big4u]

right after my fiance left, i got into another relationship.................and boy was I still lonely, it wasnt fun.

 

to make matters worse her new bf is very ugly...and i give guuys complements if they look good, but he is so ugly, and so were all the ohters after me. all our old mutual freinds agree

 

It just makes me feel even worse and more lonely, i dont know why.

[Peter_pan]

looks are not everything... however i agree with you. my ex went out with a rat, even her friends said he looked like one and very rough.

 

it makes you feel worse because you "know" you are better and it questions your mind as to why on earth is she with him? and makes you not jealous but annoyed in some sense

[D-Lish]

I have to agree that looks just aren't everything.

Sometimes people jump into rebound relationships- not because they are looking to fall in love with these people, but because they wish to fill a void.

 

Maybe these people offered something that the ex felt was missing.

The guy I rebounded with after I left my ex husband wasn't particularly attractive physically- but he was over zealous and attentive and relentless in his ability to make me feel good and attractive. I actually dated him for almost a year- without ever being able to fall in love with him.... as much as he deserved it and should have been able to have that from me.

 

Rebounds aren't replacements of "you"... they are more often than not simple distractions. It's a way to avoid dealing with being lonley for some people- but it rarely serves that intended purpose.

 

None of us are ready to be in healthy reciprocal relationships until we learn how to be alone without being lonley. That's just something that has to be "found" through learning to love ourselves.

 

Discovering who we are and how we fit into the world as single individuals is an ongoing process. The love of other people isn't what defines or validates us as people, but it's something a lot of us make the mistake of believing.

[LikeCharlotte]

right after my fiance left, i got into another relationship.................and boy was I still lonely, it wasnt fun.

 

to make matters worse her new bf is very ugly...and i give guuys complements if they look good, but he is so ugly, and so were all the ohters after me. all our old mutual freinds agree

 

It just makes me feel even worse and more lonely, i dont know why.

You should try to stop comparing her life to yours or yourself to her man. I know that for some this is very difficult but as soon as you start looking at your life as your own and separate from hers you will begin to feel some of the positive things that being alone can really mean. Ultimately we are all alone in this world. We can only share some experiences and time.

 

Also you can try to look at her choices from another perspective. Her choice in a new man says tons about who she is. You can be comforted in knowing that you spent a significant time with someone who isn't shallow and saw you for who you are not what you looked like standing next to her. That can't be bad.

 

Finally, consider that being comfortable alone means that you have security within yourself and you can bring that to the table in your next relationship. Confidence and a sense of independence go a long way toward happiness and being a fair partner. We've all been insecure at one time or another and this is a great opportunity for you to really become introspective and make some improvements. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone but you might be focused on it a little too much and bringing yourself down when you could be working on things that have come to light about YOU since the termination and during the relationship. If all else fails do what motive does and come hang out on LS.

[CaliGuy]

right after my fiance left, i got into another relationship.................and boy was I still lonely, it wasnt fun.

 

to make matters worse her new bf is very ugly...and i give guuys complements if they look good, but he is so ugly, and so were all the ohters after me. all our old mutual freinds agree

 

It just makes me feel even worse and more lonely, i dont know why.

 

Meh, my ex's fiance looks like someone hit him in the face with a cast iron frying pan - about 100 times. I mean, dude is not attractive at all. But, that is HER choice and if she feels ok waking up next to that dude for the rest of her life, so be it. I just hope one day she doesn't gnaw her arm off trying to get away from the guy.

 

But I digest....err digress.

 

As someone who has been hurt himself, now more times than I care to remember (or admit), I will say this. The more ya focus on the ex, the less likely Ms Right is going to walk through that door. I've put a lot of my energy into working out and my career, but I also mix in Golf, Snowboarding, doing projects with my friends like building fences, working on my race bike and stuff. I do things that keep me occupied without drinking. I was never a party guy anyway.

 

What I mean is, you need to get out with friends more often. Get away from the computer. Get into a club or find some hobbies that you can share with others. The right woman is gonna find ya, but you have to put yourself out there. Don't do the online dating thing if it bothers ya. Trust me, I didn't have much -- no ANY success with them either.

 

I met someone through work. Didn't work out but it's not the end of the world. I'll find someone else. But won't I won't do is let myself trip and fall and STAY down. Life isn't going to quit on me and I won't quit on life.

 

Chin up dude. It gets better, I promise.

[johan]

I think CaliGuy will agree with me that things are considerably easier if you have a nice ass that you can swing down the streets for a little attention when you're feeling down.

 

It's worth a try anyway.

[Lovelybird]

it will be a year next month after my fiance of six years left me.

 

I am so extremely lonely, and its hard to really tell anyone so i figure id post here. this site has sorta helped me over the last year.

 

What to do to get over the loneliness???

 

Ive tried everything, I went out with friends, I met alot of new poeople, Ive dated

 

I picked up some of my hobbies again, I got a new job and I am advancing very fast beyond what i thought.

 

Im a good looking guy.....it took me a long time to realize that, and I am a good guy sometimes i think im too good for some (not to sound stuck up)

 

 

I even tried the internet dating thing, but Its not for me... i like to meet a person first (bad eperiences)

 

How come I feel nothing but loneliness.

 

Im jealous of my ex becasue shes already had a few boyfriends after me...it seems so easy for her and now shes with someone and she seems happy. How come I cant find anyone??

 

If it wasnt for my dog, I probably wouldnt be here to type this.

 

I just need a place to vent....still doesnt help me being lonely

do you think if you find someone, you won't be lonely?

[Whey2Big4u]

long story short, I have always been alone growing up. I was an only child and was made fun of alot.

 

I finally met someone and had a taste of life with someone and it made me happy, i was no longer alone. Now Im back to sqaure one. I feel like im 13 again preying to find a girl. I am also still plaqued by the things my ex said when she left. I still dont know why she left me. she said it was me then she said it was her then she said it was me then she said it was her. She gave me bull**** reasons, that did not match the things going on in our relatiuonship. how can i fix something (myslef) if i dont know what it is. Dont get me wrong i have changed drastically since, but on things I thought i needed to change (i.e....anger, i dont get angry anymore like i used to)

 

I did the whole club and bar scene for a while, but it faids out fast......and the girls are all flakey

 

I did the internet thing, not cool..you say your curvey (and i thought like j-lo curvey lol) and i meet you youre over wieght then ughhhhhh. bad experience

 

And at work...well, there are ALOT of attractive women and i mean ALOT, but my comapny looks down upon it, and at the rate im going I dont wanna ruin it.

 

My options are slim.

 

I want to do some sorta classes that pertain to my hobbies, but what i like is ussually for an older crowd (bonsais, orchids, architecture, etc)

 

I also have been burnt so badlyt by the past few women that I have many walls put up and fears of what could happen. My biggest fear is money. My ex was with me when i had no money and was cool when i had, but used me for it. my other ex used me for my money too. Now im scared that since I will be making an extremely large amount .....I will deffintly be used. I also have majot abondamnet issues. My mother was never home working, my father was put into a nursing home when he got really sick, my dads family left when i was rally young, my ex fiance left me.......and all without reasons. It made me toughter on the outside, I portray a non chilant attitude, but inside im lonely and scared and and in pain.

 

as far as hanging out with frineds, they either stopped talking to me after my ex left (which means they were never my freind), moved, or never have time.

 

the one friend I do have has a crush on me, but i dont see her that way...i posted about it under freindship, and it makes it very hard to hang out with her...especailly go out and look for girls since she guards me like a dog...and looks like one lol.

 

I know looks dont matter, but growing up i wasnt the most attractive guy, I was made fun of alot and I was over wieght. I finally grew into myself and work out alot..so i finally look good and want someone wlse that does too. I guess you can say im a bit conceded, but not in a bad way.