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how to explain to our friends


foxh1234

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Hi, my ex was cheating with a person that I know and this person shows up at events that I am at sometimes. He is not a friend of mine but I have played golf with him a few times and have been at a few poker games with him. How do I tell my friends that if he is coming not to invite me ,without explaining about the cheating. I really don't want to tell every friend that we have that she cheated on me with this guy. My ex and him are keeping it secret because he is married with 2 small kids. I also don't want to show up at a poker game or football party and have a beer with the guy who is sleeping with my ex. Any advice ? I am also afraid that I would hit him if I saw him.

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Trialbyfire

I'm not sure why you want to hide infidelity or cheating. I would give it your friends straight up, no ice!

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I'm not sure why you want to hide infidelity or cheating. I would give it your friends straight up, no ice!

 

Hi TBF, I am not trying to hide anything. I just don't want to talk about it with my friends. I really don't care what she does, I just don't want to be the guy spreading the story. It is none of my business what she does anymore. I am more concerned with running into him at a party and punching him in the face. As I said above, I just want to let my friends know that I don't want to see this guy. Once I say that, they will want to know why. I am not comfortable talking about their affair. Is this crazy on my part ?

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Trialbyfire
Hi TBF, I am not trying to hide anything. I just don't want to talk about it with my friends. I really don't care what she does, I just don't want to be the guy spreading the story. It is none of my business what she does anymore. I am more concerned with running into him at a party and punching him in the face. As I said above, I just want to let my friends know that I don't want to see this guy. Once I say that, they will want to know why. I am not comfortable talking about their affair. Is this crazy on my part ?

While I understand not wanting to fuel the gossip mill, keep in mind that this information could end up with the wife, which to me is a good thing! She deserves to know the lack of character of the man who she's married.

 

But my response wasn't agenda based, for information flow. I just think that your friends would be more understanding and accommodating, if they knew what was going on. You might also find that if he and you accidentally end up in the same place, they will try to support you by creating a human barrier. It's what my friends did for me, when my ex-H showed up unexpectedly.

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I think it's totally legit and justifiable to explain to your friends who this guy is, and that you'd appreciate a heads-up if they know this guy is going to be there. They'll understand, if they're at all nice and human. If you REALLY don't want to explain, then maybe you can just tell them you don't want to be around this guy, without explaining why. That might strike some people as a bit odd, but if these friends are good, they'll just trust your word.

 

I don't think it's fueling the gossip mill to share this info with friends. It's not like you're randomly accosting acquaintances or work colleagues and sharing this info with everyone in sight. Frankly, I think when people do something pretty darn bad (and it seems both your ex and her new guy have done something pretty darn bad) and **** you over, you shouldn't have to suffer in order to protect them and keep the information secret.

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Thanks folks for the responses. I will level with my friends and tell them what's going on. I am not the bad guy in this thing, I don't know why I care at all.

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Trialbyfire

We all take self-esteem hits when someone we loved, cheats on us. These are your friends so they know who you are. Trust in them. ((hugs))

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We all take self-esteem hits when someone we loved, cheats on us. These are your friends so they know who you are. Trust in them. ((hugs))

Thanks TBF, I appreciate it.

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Man that sucks fox... I can't blame you at all. Just wanted to give a +1 to the be-honest-with-your-friends-she-can-lay-in-the-bed-she-made camp

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Man that sucks fox... I can't blame you at all. Just wanted to give a +1 to the be-honest-with-your-friends-she-can-lay-in-the-bed-she-made camp

 

Thanks, I think it is the right thing to do. It is her bed and she has to LIE in it, pardon the pun. :D:D

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