dharris27 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Please be patient enough for this brief explanation, sometimes i think people don't respond if it's long and your responses really help me. I broke up with this guy because i thought he was too stubborn and snobby about a lot of things. He also had a band temper but much more like a kid than anything scary. He has this weird thing where he'd be kind of wierd around me in public and never very affectionate because he suffers greatly from social anxiety. I tried to be very understanding. It also felt like he kept me at distance from some of his friends so i never even got to know some of his couple friends as a couple with him the way this girl has in only a few months of dating him. When we dated he was really in love with me and I with him when we first met - he was continously more in love while i felt kind of confused most of the time about how i felt because of his weird behavior - he had lied to me about some pretty sensitive topics which caused us to break up once or twice. But subtract all this and please believe it was one of those once in a life time connections as he called it - i really have never related so well to someone on so many level so quickly. We had split a few times all my decision because i felt he was a recluse and just kind of too good/snobby for so many activities and people that i didn't really know when or how we'd be able to get through life easily as i'm really easy going and accepting. He'd always fight for me back and promise to be better. He did get a lot better over time. The final time we split we had reached a close to two year mark and it was mostly because i still felt due to his social anxiety he was always on edge thus keeping me on edge and he didn't pay attention to me in public often because of his anxiety issues ect. He had major panic attacks while we broke up and even texted me off and on for the next five months saying he missed me or happy holidays. His last words to me were you know i love you and you know i like you a lot and i just can't deal with things if we never talk again. We did stay in touch via internet for a while. He was almost immediately dating someone else but i tried to ignore it. Who knew what it would be? I imagined he go back to his old tricks and well, maybe she would be good for him. I was really stable after we split for about four months. Then i started a photo sharing account and found a plethra of photos of them with our old friends doing totally outgoing things, she even cooked dinner for all his new co-workers the first month he got a new job - it just seemed so intense so fast. And it's still on now another eight months later and they seem really happy. She won't acknowledge me in public - we run in simialr circles - I suppose because she knew us as a couple for so long -the other back stabbing part - and he doesn't either although he's admitted he's wanted to. I just freak out because besides what i mentioned he is extremely brilliant and talened and funny. He brought so much laughter to my life and was always turning me on to new things. He was just a great friends except when he was being a ****ty boyfriend...ugh. I was 21 when we met and he 23 and we were in the longest relationship either of us had had. This new girl is 31 and maybe she's just more commanding with him. It just breaks my heart to see the photos and i cry, sometimes i see them by accident sometimes on purpose. Why am I torturing myself? I see them with his couple friends who i always wanted to know and never really got a chance to. I feel like they keep thier distance from me now too. How could he move on so fast even when the breakup was so hard on him which a lot of people witnessed. Why would he change for her and not me? Why won't he better acknowledge me in public? Should i write him and ask him why he does act so strange? Please help...i really need to get past this. It's been nearly eight months since we split and I've grieved for about four now. Grrr.... <3, Danielle Link to post Share on other sites
Issues & tissues Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Danielle, Check out the thread "Backsliding big time". Some of your questions are raised and addressed in there. My theory is that this person (like my ex) is most probably a fake. It's just a facade. Give it time. He won't be able to hide his true self forever. Link to post Share on other sites
PeopleLearner Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Why are you single, and not dating other interesting guys again? He got someone else, and may be that is good for him. Don't get stuck up on that. Link to post Share on other sites
borelandkaren Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Danielle, Check out the thread "Backsliding big time". Some of your questions are raised and addressed in there. My theory is that this person (like my ex) is most probably a fake. It's just a facade. Give it time. He won't be able to hide his true self forever. I think you need to have a look at personality disorders. I may be completely wrong but he seems to have very anti social traits. If so, he is to be avoided at all costs. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author dharris27 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 In response to the personality disorder, i will look in to that. Doesn't seem so far fetched. For example, when we first started dating the things he lied about were so bizarre and sometimes not even needed or pratical and the anxiety oh my god! and his anger streaks! These things all got a bit better as his confidence rose but seriously, these traights were out of this world. He had little to no tolerence for anything but his own interests, he'd even admit that, and really only liked other guys who where as insecure and anti-social as himself. At the same time he's such a character - iranian guy with a giant fro and dorky glasses - that everyone here in atlanta thinks of his as the awesome icon of cool. He's got his own record lable and is in a band - an achieved graphic designer. Damn. Yes, i shouldn't be hung up on him and the new girl. I just wish they would act like adults and not ignore me in public and i really wish she didn't get the good **** i wanted out of a relationship with him just because i dedicated so much time. Any more incite though? Keep it coming. This board totally helps. I already feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts