Panic! Breathe.... PANIC!!! Breathe.

[carrotgirl]

Panic!!!!! DRINK!!!!!

Oh yah. I am so calm. Soooo collected.

 

GD is taking a bit of a break to visit his ex. The ex from years ago. The love before he met me. He did not say he was visiting her. He opted to tell me where he was going and for how long (a week). This was sufficient information. I refused to ask any details.

 

I don't even know what to ask here. I don't even know what to say other than I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks. I can't write. I can't move.

 

Carrot

[kizik]

I'd suggest not talking to him, he is only going to give you painful info, such as the above.

 

You'll get through the next few weeks by filling your time with caring friends, and fun and/or exercise-ish activities.

 

I just want to tell someone I love them.

[tealeafbud]

YOu need to relax and seek a friend, family member immediately. Reach out to whoever you can. You'll get through this and do not blame yourself. Breathe in and out, stay calm, and find someone. good luck. take care.

 

your health is most important than any person.

[ButtHead]

I like your humor. I remember you gave me some good advice before. I agree with tealeafbud. Try to find anyone willing to hang out with you that's nice. I have good friends, but I also found some old friends for more effectiveness. (I find meeting different people from the usual helps)

 

Buy some sunglasses! (you can substitute sunglasses for anything that you think will make you look better than you already do and catch a lot of guys for the fun of it)

 

My feeble attempts at trying to help you has helped myself. So try to help someone else and maybe that'll help too.

 

Good Luck and Thanks for the previous advice!

[Nevermind]

How do you know he is visiting her?

 

Try to stay calm and stick with tealeafbud's advice. Have some tea. Try to breathe.

[carrotgirl]

Thank you. Thank you.

 

A friend reached to steady me. It was GD's and my close, shared friend. He asked me to look at GD's trip as his getting closure.

 

GD leaves tomorrow. He'll be back a week from tomorrow. He made a dinner date with me for the night he returns.

 

In other news I am drunk and have the spins. I think I should go vomit now.

 

Carrot.

[Nevermind]

Can you have somebody stay with you? A friend, a relative? Someone to help you over the first night.

[LikeCharlotte]

Thank you. Thank you.

 

A friend reached to steady me. It was GD's and my close, shared friend. He asked me to look at GD's trip as his getting closure.

 

GD leaves tomorrow. He'll be back a week from tomorrow. He made a dinner date with me for the night he returns.

 

In other news I am drunk and have the spins. I think I should go vomit now.

Carrot.

Well, thats one way to deal with it. Keep us updated on how you are feeling. ((carrot))

[carrotgirl]

Can you have somebody stay with you? A friend, a relative? Someone to help you over the first night.

I think I'll be okay once he's gone. I worry much more about my ability to keep my mouth shut while he is still here. This far, mouth stayed shut.

 

I don't know for a fact he'll be seeing her and staying with her. I wouldn't ask. He didn't say. Though, probability seems high. I can't see another reason he'd go.

 

My head is throbbing. Crucial deadline today. Fucck, I have an event later. I forgot about that until now. There will be press. Fucck. I have nothing prepared to wear and I look like roadkill as it is. I'm fuccked. I'm getting back in bed.

 

Carrot

[Nevermind]

No, make yourself a coffee or tea. Go have a shower. And try to find something to wear.

[sedgwick]

Oh, poor Carrot!! I don't envy you the hangover you're going to have when you wake up.

 

You don't know for a fact he's going there to visit her. Is there any other reason at all that he could be going? What has he told you about this ex? How long was he with her before you started seeing each other?

[underpants]

What???

 

Why is he doing this? Why are you just accepting it without talking about it?

 

Did you two get back together....or back together enough so that you felt you could question it?

 

You should voice your concerns to him if you have them.

 

If you can talk to him before he leaves.

 

What is going on?

[Trialbyfire]

More games carrot. Just step down from it all.

 

You know my opinion of GD. He's not ready for a mature relationship.

[tinktronik]

Get up get dressed, loose this guy in a hurry.

[carrotgirl]

Tea, BH, kizik, LC, tink - thank you for the good words. All of 'em.

 

Nevermind gave a good enough push. I got up, did my thing and got to the office well ahead of the pack. The weather is cooperating. I chose lightweight cashmere since it doesn't wrinkle and photographs well. This is ridiculous. I'm completely hung Sed. I can't drink.

 

My nerves are doing an interpretive dance.

 

Unders, all, I have no claim on the man. Even if I thought I had claim, I'm sure I really wouldn't in reality. He's his own person. Persons do as they please or do as they're compelled or however it goes. You know this yourself.

 

I could ask why. I'm capable. I'm not sitting back and accepting. I'm just accepting that I'm not going to control him any more than he is likely to control me. What will I gain from asking why or asking him not to or asking to take me along or asking him to check in or any one of 20 asks? I don't know what would be more perverse, me asking or him answering.

 

Whatever his plans, life will unfold. He is a grown man and whatever he chooses for himself is valid .... for him. I get to make my own choices. If the situation were reversed (and in the past it has been) I don't think I would do differently. He would either trust me at face or he wouldn't.

 

Asking the questions still basically all boils down to "Please tell me you love me and only me and that you'll never look at another girl again and we'll be in love and get married and live happily ever after blub blub blub."

 

Which brings me to you Tri, I thought of you very much last night. You're right. I know you are. Giant Douchey Waffle Boy needs cask time. I'm playing games with myself. I know that too. He's not doing anything "to me" or because of me. He's living his life. I'm acting like an idiot. I can't seem to stop myself.

[Nevermind]

I can't seem to stop myself.

 

This is why it would be good to have somebody stay with you for a while. Or have a vacation and go somewhere else to get your mind off things.

 

Congratulations on getting up and dressing nicely. This is really hard in your situation and you did it. You're a strong person, don't underestimate yourself. You can free yourself from him.

[carrotgirl]

This is why it would be good to have somebody stay with you for a while. Or have a vacation and go somewhere else to get your mind off things.

 

Congratulations on getting up and dressing nicely. This is really hard in your situation and you did it. You're a strong person, don't underestimate yourself. You can free yourself from him.

Thanks.

 

He just freed himself from me this afternoon.

 

I appreciate your kindness.

[Nevermind]

No, he lost someone great and special.

 

You, however, did not. You can free yourself by letting go, and grief the loss but don't go back. You can do much better, and you will.

 

He won't.

[carrotgirl]

It was stupid. He overreacted to something I said. I overreacted to his overreaction.

 

Now of course we're in hell. Me because it hurts. Him because he knows it hurts.

 

Stupid.

Carrot

[underpants]

I don't know Carrot.

 

It seems like you two have some kind of pattern that finds itself replaying.

 

I'm all for a second chance as long as cheating is not a factor. How did you two both handle the second chance? That seemed kind of vague to me. A little eggshell walking and no real meat and potato discussion or make or break kind of resolutions. Maybe I'm wrong. I was hoping for the best though.

 

Going to spend a week with the ex would sooooo put me off. I think that action (for whatever reason) would help me give the final flush to GD.

 

Do you have to have dinner with him when he gets back?

[carrotgirl]

Oh Unders. We ALL see the pattern. Even his Giganticus Douche-y-ness sees the pattern. Well, he see my pattern anyway. I don't know if he sees his or not.

 

Not so much eggshells as restraint. I am proud of my meager restraint too. I'm not so good at it. He may have eggshelled around me though now that I consider...

 

No. No cheating. There has been nothing done that can't be undone. Not even today. Though he sure is being a piss-pot. I'm a big emo lump. It's not a good combination.

 

Dinner? It's kind of an important day.

[Touche]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, 99.9% of the time second chances don't work. Have dinner with him when he gets back and be prepared for the rollercoaster ride that is to come. It won't end until you end it.

[carrotgirl]

A group of us bailed early. I'm back at the office. GD made the effort pre-party to stop by and say (I quote) "We're good." He followed it with a "You started it." I think there was also a "Don't start again." We argued. Yah. The warm fuzzyness of being "good" with each other lasted a whole 5 minutes. I'll spare all the blow by blows. There were a few.

 

Sometimes no other word will do. He was a c.unt most of the night.

 

The universe granted a boon as we left the venue though. A long winding staircase led to the large reception with different bars. As I walked down, the men in the reception saw me, stopped everything they were doing and ... they actually let out a collective gasp. I FELT GD bristle behind me. He stopped his own conversation until we'd passed them all.

 

But why? Why this response when he is so changeable?

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

And if I seem somewhat more detached than earlier. There's a reason. Tonight GD very passively announced his career shift into politics (the public figure kind).

 

Up until now, it's been my one and only, no exceptions, life-choice deal-breaker. I'm not sure that will change for me. Ever.

[sedgwick]

Someone choosing to be a politician is a deal-breaker to you? Why?

 

I'm getting whiplash from this relationship!!! I sincerely believe you are too good for him, Carrot.