Comparing this forum w/all male forum leaves me???

[ioncebelieved]

I do not not really know if I am making things worse for myself as I use this forum and another all male forum to cope! I do not want to give the name of the forum, but I will say this place is a lot warmer in responses and Q&A. Problem I am having is the other forum really does not hold women in high regards compared to this forum. Not saying they dog women that badly, but basically have different ideas about treating women in general.

 

I have been going to the other forum for years and now when I leave it, it just makes me feel kind of empty. Like, if what is being said is true, I should turn into a player instead of the good/ giving/ romantic person that I have always been.

 

I will concede after the last few years of my life and dealing with a women that broke my heart, being a player sounds like an idea, but I wouldn't be true to myself if I were to be.

 

Guess I really need to stop putting so much into it all and just get on with getting over the lost love, huh?

 

Just rambling...... I thought women wanted to be treated well, correct me if I am wrong???

[Nevermind]

Women do want to be treated well. And look, there are so many women here suffering, too. We are not all cold-hearted creatures, and neither are you men.

 

Stay romantic, stay loving, giving, good. Because this is who you are and only if you are yourself you can find true love. Pretend to be a player and you'll attract the wrong kind of women (for you).

 

It's hard, but don't let heart-break dictate how you should live your life.

[sedgwick]

I would LOVE to be treated well! I would give anything in the world if someone could love me. It's my dream in life!! I have no use for players whatsoever. That's so unattractive, and any intelligent, mature woman will run screaming.

[ioncebelieved]

 

It's hard, but don't let heart-break dictate how you should live your life.

 

That is part of my problem!! The other forum would lead me to believe that being good, giving and treating her special is a Major downfall and that is why things turned so badly. After reading that it makes me wonder what would of happened if I wasn't as good and giving.

 

You, like many, know how much it hurts to have given so much in a relationship to get so little out of it or to be left heartbroken. Maybe I will not change, but try next time to use a little more care into the person I choose. With that said, you can't tellyour heart who to love!! Just so happens I fell in love with a liar that was deceptive about her marital status and put up with it for almost two years!!

 

I am still bitter, but I am at least working on that as I recover.

[Nevermind]

Treating somebody good, giving them love and thinking that they are special is good. You want to treated that way, and you will. Don't give it up.

 

Use your bitterness and direct it to your ex, but only to her. She is an individual, we all are. I try to think that my experience is only about me and him and not about humankind.

 

You can't tell your heart whom to love, you can tell your head to check for some warning signs. And eventually, we all need to learn to trust again. I know I do. It's hard, maybe the hardest thing you can do.

 

But...if you give up on love and on who you are, then you let your ex defeat you. And you defeat yourself. You're too good for that. You're a kind, caring person - and true love will find you.

[Trialbyfire]

ioncebelieved, overgiving is something many people have done in the past, including myself, when we've cared about someone else.

 

The cycle starts with developing strong feelings for someone, where you give and give. Since you're not demanding anything from them, they take and take. You get frustrated ("why don't they appreciate me") because your needs aren't being met so you slam down a wall. They in turn can't understand where the giving person went. Ultimately, everyone is unhappy.

 

If I'm off track, let me know because I do have more to post about this.

[4givrnt4gtr]

hmm sounds like you're one of us...and by us I mean us who give and give and give and keep on giving, realizing that we are giving but not getting much back..just enough to make us keep on giving, hoping that someday it'll be reciprocated fully.

 

Im learning that its just not how it works. When you give someone something that they havent earned at first they will be delighted...but then they will wonder why you're giving so much and usually come to the conclusion that its because you feel you're not good enough, or that you're not as good as they are.

Some people will walk away at this point. Recognizing how badly you will end up hurt if they keep on taking. (Not many will do this by the way, only those who have huge consciences) Even if they do like you, when they realize you will give more than they are capable of giving you they will not be able to live with themselves and walk.

 

Others...actually most people, will take and take. Sometimes they dont even realize how unequal things are. Its up to you to balance things out.

 

Sounds like you give a lot in your relationships. That is fine, but you also have to monitor what you are getting and adjust accordingly. Im not saying keep track and tally, but if you feel unfulfilled fight the urge to put more effort and back off. Let them come to you and put the effort for you. Only then will you be able to have a balance relationship and women will not walk all over you.

Believe me its tough....ive tried and failed several times. But hopefully you will be able to get to a point where you realize how great you are, how much you have to give TO THE RIGHT PERSON and that the right person will reciprocate because they just cannot help it. But they cannot reciprocate if you dont allow them the space to do so.

 

I guess my point in summary is that yes, women love to be treated right...but we dont like to have our booties kissed for no good reason. We need to know that we've worked for your affection as much as you've worked for ours, otherwise we will take you for granted.

 

Good luck friend.

[ioncebelieved]

For one, I thought that I finally met the person in my life where giving was not a problem and I didn't mind giving. Only problem I see now was that the person I was giving to was NOT really ready for it. Since she lied about going through a divorce. Only reason that was acceptable was because I was just getting a divorce myself.

 

Maybe she was a test for when a person comes around that will be ready and available for the giving I will know how to give so freely.

[sally4sara]

It depends on the chick. The "bad girls" like to be treated like ****. These are the ones that will do anything sexually, love to party, and they will kiss your ass. You can't be mean all the time, but you have to show them that you won't take their ****, and you aren't a pussy. If you are nice to a "bad girl", you will get your ****ing heart broken. Okay?

 

Then the "nice girls" want the "nice guy", actually. The "nice girls" are the ones that eat dinner with their family, don't need to be wasted every night, have morals, etc. You treat one of these girls nicely, and you should be good to go. If you are mean to the "good girl", she will eventually leave you.

 

Sometimes, the "good girl" is attracted to the "bad boy", because this is different for her. She might find this fun, but could end up hurt. A "bad boy" can get the "good girl" to do things she wouldn't do with a "nice guy".

 

The same goes for a "bad girl" seducing a "nice guy". A bad girl will walk all over a nice guy any day of the week. This is just a brief synopsis from The Y. Thank you.

 

What is "bad" about someone being willing to do anything sexually with someone they love? The partying and drinking all the time tend to be something you outgrow (hopefully), but who wants a frigid partner that makes a yuk face over anything remotely kinky for the rest of their lives? This is usually the kind of woman a lot of the cheating MM on here claim their wife to be and that it was one of the reasons they cheated. A woman can be "good" and still get crazy in bed.

[motive2002]

Be yourself, have integrity and draw out your boundaries. Women don't want a wishy-washy, kowtowing "yes" man. You can have a full life with your own interests and agendas and still be loving and kind all at the same time.

 

I fell into this trap in my last relationship, where I "lost myself" in her. I would do anything for her and suddenly my whole life was her.

You can be generous, kind and thoughtful without being a fricken doormat and without giving up your life to her. It's not a game. There's no technique to it. Just be yourself. If they don't like you for who you are, then find someone that does.

 

I don't know if that helps you at all, but that's the way I see it.

[sally4sara]

So if you loved me, you would lick my ass, and let me piss on you?

 

Why would you want to do that to someone you loved?

 

If that is what some guy wants is he "bad"? And if he finds a woman who is into the same, should he immediately dump her for it even though it is what he wants because it means she is "bad"?

 

Even funnier - crack licking makes a woman "bad" but I've only ever had one boyfriend who didn't do that to me all of his own initiative! As for anyone getting peed on - I don't have rubber sheets so I'm totally unprepared and will have to pass. Sorry I guess that means we can't date!