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ScarredStar

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ScarredStar

Last night after a discussion with my ex (theres a thread in Second Chances explaining everything), I told him that I think we should cut contact for a while, until I pull myself back together. Its to allow me to heal and move on without him. I have never been any good at staying friends with any of my exes, but I want this one to be different. Im just always too bitter about not being good enough for them.

 

He told me that he understood, and that he was so sorry for hurting me, he didnt want to. He wanted our relationship to work out so badly, as he cares for me a lot, just not in that way. He doesnt know why his feelings faded, but he says its nothing I did wrong.

 

Today would have been our one year anniversary, so obviously today I'm not feeling too good. We had discussed moving in together, marriage, everything, just last week. I had my whole life planned around this guy. Every wish I had for the future had him in it. I love him so much, but I also know I didnt love him as much as I knew I could if we stayed together. I asked him why he told me he wanted to do all these things with me if he knew it was probably never gonna happen and he said its because he was trying to kid himself, hoping that he was wrong about loosing his feelings for me.

 

I don't understand whats so wrong with me that no one ever loves me back. My first love left me for someone else. The second guy I was with who in fairness was an idiot and I didnt like that much cheated on me constantly and left me for someone else in the end up (3 weeks after I gave birth to our daughter, no less). Now this guy who I love more than anything and was such a significant relationship to me, only sees me as a friend. Whats so wrong with me? Am I that repulsive? My confidence is absolutely shattered once again. I'm so sick of the one being left behind. Every guy Ive ever been out with moves on so easily. Why do I keep gettin hurt? I really thought he was third time lucky for me. I actually thought I'd found someone who loved me back. Why can I not?

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tealeafbud

 

I don't understand whats so wrong with me that no one ever loves me back. My first love left me for someone else. The second guy I was with who in fairness was an idiot and I didnt like that much cheated on me constantly and left me for someone else in the end up (3 weeks after I gave birth to our daughter, no less). Now this guy who I love more than anything and was such a significant relationship to me, only sees me as a friend. Whats so wrong with me? Am I that repulsive? My confidence is absolutely shattered once again. I'm so sick of the one being left behind. Every guy Ive ever been out with moves on so easily. Why do I keep gettin hurt? I really thought he was third time lucky for me. I actually thought I'd found someone who loved me back. Why can I not?

 

Hi there scarred, your break up is very recent which is why you are feeling so down on yourself. You're also looking back at all the relationships you've had and wondered how they didn't work. This is normal. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Do not blame yourself for anything. It is not your fault that these people do not want to be with you. For now, you need to find self worth and the confidence to move on. You need to seek your friends, family and whoever you can reach out to to heal from your break up.

 

From your NC count thread, it seems like you're still in contact with the ex. This needs to stop, most importantly, if you know there is no shot at a second chance.

 

Next you have to focus on yourself and your well being. You need to exercise, learn new things, and improve yourself for your next relationship. Take care and good luck.

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