Anger Issues

[serendip]

I'm generally not an angry guy...most of my friends rarely seen me as an angry dude. In fact I don't get angry at all.

 

But lately I find myself really angry at my ex...I don't even think about the good times anymore nor do I get sad that we are through.

 

I'm not even angry that she cheated on me anymore. My anger stems from the fact that she cheated on me and makes excuses and rationalizations for it.

 

I wrote in another thread...

 

There is no valid reason for cheating. It comes down to 2 primary things

 

1) Selfishness on the part of the cheater(she was too selfish to breakup with you before she cheated)

 

2) Weakness of character issues (she has no self control)

 

Those are the only true reasons for cheating in any scenario...all the rest are just excuses and justifications.

 

I can't for the life of me understand how she can rationalize her actions. She seems to understand her actions and the hurt it causes one moment and then the next ...it seems like she is completely oblivious of it.

 

I just get so angry and frustrated over this ..sometimes it affects my sleep when I think about it.

 

I really have to figure a way to deal with it so I can move on.

[carhill]

I learned, for myself, that having and using effective communication tools can both prevent the pathways to affairs as well as to properly direct the hurt which is the impetus for anger. Can you tell I've had MC?

 

With due respect, it isn't your job to figure out how she thinks or "rationalizes"; it's to accept what is done, deal with your own emotions and move on, whether within or outside of the relationship. You can't control any aspect of her behavior, only your own and your reaction to hers.

 

If you have not had counseling, I suggest it. Trust is a major part of the human psyche and yours was damaged substantially.

 

In that pursuit, I wish you well

[tanbark813]

I really have to figure a way to deal with it so I can move on.

 

IMO, the anger is a phase in the moving on process as a whole, not something that would work against it.

[serendip]

I learned, for myself, that having and using effective communication tools can both prevent the pathways to affairs as well as to properly direct the hurt which is the impetus for anger. Can you tell I've had MC?

 

With due respect, it isn't your job to figure out how she thinks or "rationalizes"; it's to accept what is done, deal with your own emotions and move on, whether within or outside of the relationship. You can't control any aspect of her behavior, only your own and your reaction to hers.

 

If you have not had counseling, I suggest it. Trust is a major part of the human psyche and yours was damaged substantially.

 

In that pursuit, I wish you well

 

As far as I know...from what she told me...she doesn't know why she cheated...she's told me variations of this so many times since the break up...that I don't even trust it anymore since her actions are completely the opposite of this.

 

I really had the feeling when I was with you that you were the right guy for me long term (I even told you a few times that I wanted to marry you.). You made me so happy and I loved being with you. I had the sense of security and love from you that nobody else has ever given me. I really did love you a lot

 

I don't even care anymore why she cheated. I just get really angry when I think about her excuses...for instance...this doozie (from when when i first broke up with her).

 

I didn't hurt you intentionally..l just wished you had respected my wishes not to talk about what was on my mind because it was something I was trying to work out myself and knew that if I told you about it it would hurt you very much...and I thought I was going to work it out myself.

 

I know I can't control what she thinks or believes...I don't even want to if I could. But it makes me angry and frustrated that she doesn't get it...and that's what I have to get over. I have to let go of that anger.

[EllaDerSpin]

Pain or depression is usually stuck anger. Anger is movement, it means you are healing.