4 Months Separated...9 Days NC

[November Rain]

I've been separated from my husband for 4 months now. That was one tough decision to make but he left me no choice. As of today it's be 9 days without contact. He's called yesterday and today, I didn't answer. The NC is making things easier, but at the same time it sure is hard to do.

 

Our problems started about 8 months ago when he started staying out all night and then it went to being gone all weekend. I knew then and there he was seeing another woman. I put up with it for 4 months until I got undeniable prove as to what he was up to. The OW's husband provided that.

 

To begin with he called every day several times a day. He would tell me he loved me and not to give up on him. He was given every opportunity to end his affair, but he wouldn't do it. I think he tried because right before the New Year he wanted us to spend time together. We spent New Year's Eve together and a couple of weeks after that. Then it went back to like it was before. He loved me, he wanted to come home, but he didn't want to come home right now. Things were going to fast and he was afraid if he came home we would end up where we are now. Me being the person I am was not going to settle for the crumbs he was throwing my way. So I went NC. He called and I wouldn't answer and on Sunday night 2 weeks ago he came to the house. Begging me to give us a chance that he wanted to come home. This is where he belonged...and so on. Well once again that lasted for about 2 days and we were back to I love you, I want to come home, please just give me some time. And back he went to the OW.

 

I believe he is in a full blown Mid-Life Crisis. But I can't sit back and wait for him forever. I don't know if the NC will work or not. I've got to hope that it will. If not for his sake for mine.

 

How do you deal with it?

[smileysmile]

wow! your brave.

 

Is that what he calls it Mid life crisis?

 

He is a very lucky chap if you are waiting for him. If she did kick him out and had nothing to do with him after that he would be begging, pleading for you to come back

[November Rain]

Smileysmile...why did you and your wife separate?

 

Brave...I don't know...but very tired, Yes.

 

I guess Mid-Life Crisis is what you call it or what is convenient to blame it on. I can tell he is very confused at this stage in his life. I asked him what does he want and he says his family but action do speak louder than words and his actions are screaming the totally opposite.

 

We were together 15 years, married 12 of those years. We have a 12 year old daughter, nice home, nice little chunk of land. We had a lot going for us and to me he kicked it all to the curb like garbage. And it hurts terribly and this I know will ease as each day passes. It didn't have to be this way. Now that is something I am dealing with and learning to accept. The fact that he chose her over me is the real salt in the wound. I should really hate him but I don't, I feel sorry for him for being so damn stupid.

 

He left the home but not willingly. He would have stayed right here if I would have turned a blind eye to the situation. I couldn't do that...now or ever. I didn't marry him to share him.

[LOVE DAISIES]

NR..I just caught your thread. I posted in the "Other Man/Other Woman section. I am not a full blown other woman but I have been having what many might consider an emotional affair with someone I have known for a long time.

 

You are a strong woman.I give you a lot of credit. I sometimes wish my "friends"" wife knew how miserable he claims to be with her , and their situation.At least you know, and you can make an educated decision.

In my situation he doesn't even call it a marriage..he calls it his 'situation". I feel sorry for his wife....and am trying to get away from this relationship.

He married long AFTER we became friends..and this has caused much of the strife between us.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world. Maybe if you posted in the OM/OW section you might get more support from betrayed spouses.

[November Rain]

Hi Love Daisies...nice to meet you.

 

I'm new to the site and was not really sure where to post. Posting in the OW/OM section might help. I don't know if my situation is any different from their's.

 

My H and I had a good relationship, we were best friends, and loved each other deeply, and shared everything until 8 months ago. I never got the speech that he loves me but is not in love with me. The last time I did speak to him he was telling me how much he did love me and needed me, but he also needed time. At this point I don't know who's more confused...him or me. I think he is afraid to let go of what he had and yet at the same time this free and single life is so inticing to him. He has his own place now and he can come and go as he pleases.

 

I can't say he left me for the OW. Like I stated before he would have stayed right here and had his cake and eat it to. I do know that he is with her most of the time...something that he continues to deny. He tells me he's not with anyone.

 

What I don't understand is how can they build a relationship together when they were both cheating on their spouses. That one really gets me. We were together 15 years and I have been faithful to him the entire time. No, I haven't started dating...that is the last thing on my mind, but I have started looking out for me and what's best for me. It's been NC for 10 days now and I hope I can keep it up.

 

I keep saying I want it all to end. But I am the only that can make that decision. I don't think he ever will. I feel like he is holding on to me as a safety net and that is what I'm trying to stop. I'm not sure quite how to do it totally. I guess by filing for divorce and that is not something I am ready to face at this time.

 

LD, if your friend is so miserable in his marriage why don't he come clean and tell his wife. That makes me wonder what H is telling OW. That would really hurt my feelings. I've tried to contact OW and see what is exactly being said but she refuses to talk to me. I'm not afraid of hearing the truth, prefer that much more than all this confusion I'm in now. If he loves her and that's where he wants to be then he should just say so. I've told him over and over again, I'm a big girl and I can handle the truth more so than I can handle the lies.

[LOVE DAISIES]

NR....OM/OW will provide you with a lot of support from BS (Betrayed Spouses) I assure you. Check into it. I feel for you...not as a OW...but just as a WOMAN in general. You deserve much happiness and I hope you get it. Please let me know if you need anything.I am more than happy to help. I admire your strength......and many others may benefit from your story...

Hang in there.

Edited February 12, 2008 by LOVE DAISIES

[November Rain]

Hi Love Daisies

 

I found your thread and I posted a reply. I hope I did not affend you in any way. That was definitely not my intention. YOU are a very special person with a warm and kind heart. I can tell that by your writings.

 

I'm new to this type of communication and not sure at this time what I am really doing. I guess I need to research more on how to manuever better in this forum. I saw they had private chats. I'm assuming that's where you can talk to members without posting and I would love to be able to chat with you. That way you could tell me more about you and I can tell you more about me. I don't know about you but that is something I need, to get it all out. My story is a pretty long one. From me being totally stupid until the blinders finally came off. And yet my heart is still breaking and my mind tells me "You are being stupid".