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jules_sugar

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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=black] My husband left 7 months ago, as we had some issues that have been going for years. I didnt want him to leave and suggested we go to a counsellor to fix it. He left anyway and i decided that i needed to be strong for our kids. Infact i have been happier on my own with the children since then as i realised how miserable he made me.

 

He is now living away is a small bedsit and is a student. When he wanted to visit the children (which was not often) i allowed him to stay over as he lived far away. I helped and accomdated him whenever i could and he never returned the respect and has made things difficult for me to move on. Telling me he is lonely and depressed and blaming me for being strong...he wont except that he chose to leave.

 

The last time he visited i checked his mobile (wrong i know but i had my doubts) And i found out he is in a relationship with another student. The messages were very intimate and suggested they are in love and have been sharing their room.

 

Now i feel crushed....I cant sleep or eat and the messages go round and round in my head....i visualise things i shouldnt. He was never romantic with me and i feel worthless.

 

I was upset with the deceit that he let me believe he was lonely and depressed and that he was only away to "assess the situation"

 

Suddenly all my strengh has gone and i want to talk with him, and hug him. I feel like i need him to comfort me when i should be angry with him? I keep thinking of the things I should have done to save the relationship. But rationally i know i tried really hard and that he never treated me well.

 

Whats going on with me? I feel like i am going insane?

 

jules AT[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][/FONT]

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You're not going insane. Of course you are angry with him and yet want him to comfort you at the same time. I think that's normal. When my ex fiance left me I desperately wanted him to hug me and comfort me - yet he was the one that had caused the pain in the first place. It makes no sense, yet it happens.

 

I think it's quite possible that your husband is depressed, even if he does have this woman in his life. Jumping out of a marriage and away from his kids and not having a chance to recover or heal is bound to take its toll. He is probably looking to this other woman for comfort, but it will be on a superficial level at best.

 

What is important now is not what he wants or feels, but what do you want?

 

Good luck and a big hug.

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