jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) Today is just a horrible ****ing day and some times I just can't admit to myself that I'm really, truly ****ing not with her anymore. It's drizzling and cold outside and that's how I feel inside too. School is going to begin in a week and her birthday is two days before it begins. I just can't handle all this ****. I'm lonely, tired and sad. I miss her so much today and it really just sucks. Its so much worse knowing it all ended because I didn't try hard enough. Damnit. I am so lonely. Edited January 11, 2008 by jdeedee Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 It's hard when you're missing someone. It's never easy but once school starts, you'll slowly get over it. You have more people around you ~ is she in the same school?? If she is then it will be a little harder for you to get over it but you will. It sucks being lonely, I have been there and didn't like it much. Now, I'm enjoying it because I get to do all the things I love~! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Just had a "nice" crying bout but I'm still all torn up today. We go to school together and I am not looking forward to seeing her. She'll also be working in the same dept as me once school begins. I am not really excited about watching her recover and get into another relationship. I am so not ready to date, meet someone new, anything along that lines and I know her. She's going to find some guy in a few weeks if she hasn't already and that **** just tears me up. I'm getting a hair cut today, I figure even if I feel like **** i don't have to look like it. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 You don't have to start dating now ~ that should be done much later when you're ready ~ whenever that is. She will but you must not let it get to you. Haircuts are good ~ I opt for retail therapy but a haircut works for me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Retail therapy as in shopping? I did that yesterday. Bought myself a good 4 books on Amazon.com. I'm thinking of going clothes shopping before the semester begins. I am seeing a legit therapist through the school on Mondays. I might ask her to up the appointments to twice a week, but I feel so silly doing so. It's not like this is my first breakup -- I've gotten through them without therapy in the past but its so much harder this time. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenScent Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Yip, shopping helps a lot for me! Good for you! Do you have your stories up? I'll read it up to understand better of what you're going through but for now, hang in there... every break up is different so yes it's harder this time for you... but really, you'll get pass this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I have a few up about my breakup and attempt at reconciliation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140101/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140156/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140489/ Feel free to read through them but a quick summation of the relationship: I broke up with my girlfriend of a year after getting cold feet about the relationship. We've been in NC for a month and a half now (spoke briefly the day of/day after and I saw her once to exchange Christmas gifts). I sent her an email a month to-the-day after the breakup apologizing and letting her know I missed her. I never heard back. That's pretty much where I am now. The other threads have some back story on how the relationship ended. Thanks for listening, it really helps to know someone somewhere cares a smidgen Link to post Share on other sites
Polly31 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I can relate. I'm trying to get over someone who I know is not right for me, but I have these waves of sadness constantly washing over me. It's natural, for some of us, to feel this kind of pain. We become accustomed to spending most of our time with the person, look forward to seeing them, and were comforted by the meaning they held in our lives. Because of the type of person my ex is, he was able to detach from the relationship with very little remorse, if any. He's able to placate himself with drugs and superficial diversions, but I can't do this. I'm here processing it constantly, sleeping poorly, and wondering how I ever got myself into the situation. I pine for the day when he'll be nothing more than a distant memory, but in the meantime, we work together and I'll be healing in the face of his coldness and vindictive behavior. I'll just have to be strong about it, as you are, and believe that it's all for the best. A little voice in my head keeps telling me that I dodged a bullet. It feels like I took it point blank in the heart, but in due time, this will hopefully lessen. For you too. Allow me to give you the type of advice I should have been giving myself: Stay on your path. What she does in her life now takes nothing away from what you will have. As you reframe the idea of your life and the possibilities in front of you, she will matter less and less. You're like two lines whose vectors are slowly diverging, and this is ok. Do as the Buddhists say and let go in order to get that much closer to an enlightened life. Let go, and you'll be given back more than you ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 How are you handling the loneliness? I want so much for someone to just hug or be with, not even sexually. I miss that god I cant even put it in words right now I'm falling to pieces thinking of how friggin lonely and achey I am. Look at all these I ... I ... I's. Link to post Share on other sites
Polly31 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Trust me, I'm right there with you. I'm someone who enjoys affection and love to the utmost. But I knew he and I couldn't be together when I tried reaching out to him affectionately, only to be screamed at and physically removed from his apartment. We can't control their responses, or their needs. We just have to respect these things and process the information they're giving us as feedback. Your sense of loneliness is in accord with the situation at hand. You feel cut out of someone's life, and therefore bereft of love. But start looking at it like you've been given another chance at life. As I write this, it helps me to take my own advice, so please pardon me if I seem to be proselytizing. What I'm learning for the first time in my life is to sit with my loneliness. Sit with it. Steep in it. You'll do this for awhile, but you'll come out of it when you're ready. Keep your friends as close to you as possible. There are so many different forms of love out there, and you might find that you don't need romantic love to get you through this. Rather, you need self love and the love of people who know and care about you. Don't placate yourself with false idols when you have something real: yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
s_n_d Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I hate the days like these. Rain has a strange way of making people feel worse than they are.. But the key is finding something to do that makes you happy, keeps you relaxed, etc.. Things like going to the gym, going to a spa, spending time with family and friends. It all helps.. even if it only lasts for a few hours;the feeling of relaxation. Link to post Share on other sites
alyyyhsa Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 i'm feeling the SAME WAY right now. it's taking every fiber of my body not to text him. today is the one month "anniversary" of the last time i spoke with him. every DAY feels like a month. so a month feels like forever to me. this is so hard. going to the gym really helps, take it from me. and crying is never a bad thing Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 It must be the weather because I am having a very blue day also. Link to post Share on other sites
forgotten01 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hang in there man, I am on blues street with you. I walked amongst probably 20,000 plus people today at school and I couldn't have been more distant. I miss her so bad it hurts. I just can't bear the fact that she left me. But the fact remains she did. I'm sure that you're a great guy, just like I am. We will make it through this somehow someway. Just don't give her the upper hand by contacting her out of your desperation. I refuse to let my ex know how bad she has hurt me. She doesn't even deserve to know. Just keep on going. Take deep deep breaths. They certainly have helped me. Time heals all. This is no different, just struggle through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't plan on contacting my ex again, she got the apology email and the ball is in her court. I know her and know that all contacting would ever do is push her farther away than this nonexistence she already has given me. F*ck it, the ball isn't in her court, the ball doesn't exist anymore. It exploded when we broke up. She and I don't exist as a couple anymore and that's why I hurt so much. I need to stop talking as if there is even a tiny intsy bit of hope because there isn't. I don't want to move on, I hurt, I have to move on and I miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
Polly31 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Listen, you can do this. Keep writing about it, get your thoughts down. They'll become more real and help you to see a light in the dark. And certainly don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It sounds like part of your agony comes from the guilt of having broken things off with her. But congratulate yourself for being strong enough to know that it wasn't the right time for you. The worst thing that people can do is prolong something that isn't right for them or their partner. And maybe it WAS just timing. If it was meant to work out, it will. Have some faith. And in the meantime, take care of yourself. There are so many good movies out right now, it's ridiculous. You could easily be getting out of your own head for awhile with some bad-ass acting. That new Daniel Day Lewis movie looks good, despite my relative low interest in petroleum. There's a world out there. You did what you thought was right. Give her some time to heal, and things could mend themselves. But keep forging ahead. Be a beacon of light that she'll want to come back to. Be the lighthouse; not the well. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I will be the ray a hope that all of you seem to need right now. I just left my car with a mechanic who gave me the most terrible news! Master cylinder is shot, rear wheel cylinders are shot, oil pan plug is shot, Im missing a party out of town with friends tonight because of it, AND I will be having sex alone as well! But It's cool! I can pay for my car, I still have tomorrow night to party, and sex is an option then! As bad as you all may feel right now, how will you feel tomorrow? Here's a hint: Try looking forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Thanks for all the support today people, I really have needed it. I don't know what I'd do without these forums. Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I know you don't want to hear this, because you feel you should not call her, but .... If you are the one who dumped her, you REALLY need to call her, or show up at her place, ask to talk to her, and tell her everything in person. Unless you really, really feel that that would be counterproductive, for reasons that only you know about (like you know her, you know you). But of course you know best... (one email wouldn't be enough for a lot of people, they'd need an actual phone call, begging, etc. if you're not comfortable doing that, I understand.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I know you don't want to hear this, because you feel you should not call her, but .... If you are the one who dumped her, you REALLY need to call her, or show up at her place, ask to talk to her, and tell her everything in person. Unless you really, really feel that that would be counterproductive, for reasons that only you know about (like you know her, you know you). But of course you know best... (one email wouldn't be enough for a lot of people, they'd need an actual phone call, begging, etc. if you're not comfortable doing that, I understand.) I've watched her shut off people before. I've chased many girls before and have alway failed. By the end of the relationship I was that overbearing suffocating boyfriend who says "I love you" every 20 minutes and needed to hear it repeated. I pretty much pushed her away doing that. I've seen her exes IM her, call her, and I watched her not reply. I don't want to be remembered in her mind like she remembers all the others. I emailed her and told her a lot of things I did wrong, apologised and said I missed her. If she even slightly wanted me back she would have let me know in some way shape or form. I am not saying there is no hope ever for us to date again, but I am the guy who clings long and hard to a relationship that is gone and I want to learn to let go. I don't want everything I let go of to have claw marks in them. So yes, if I really want her back chasing her might work but I don't think it will and I don't think it is a route that is healthy for me to continue. I have codependecy and abandoment issues that I need to work on. My self esteem needs to come up, I can't be so dependent on others for my own happiness. It is not fair to them or to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 (one email wouldn't be enough for a lot of people, they'd need an actual phone call, begging, etc. if you're not comfortable doing that, I understand.) Oh and I am curious -- don't you think if she really missed/loved me and wanted me back she would have replied to the email? Link to post Share on other sites
forgotten01 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 What hurts me more than anything is when you're doing good, having a better day, not a good day, but better and you bump into someone that you haven't seen in awhile and they ask you where she is, why is she with you. How do you respond to that. You just want to crawl in a hole. but you have to be civil. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 No I don't think she would have necessarily replied to the email. An email is so impersonal. YOU dumped her remember??? It would should take more than an email. What is stopping you from going over in person??? Pride?? Sometimes I think if people put more effort into a relationship then they may see better results and a better realtionship. Link to post Share on other sites
Slippy72 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Being not so old myself, I can actually totally relate to what you're going through. I do feel that you maybe have to make more of an effort in letting her know how you feel. Come clean, let it all out. And as has been said before, an e-mail is a pretty impersonal way to do it, you have to maybe try and tell her in person or on the phone - as hard as that may sound. Above all else though, I'd really try not to worry. It's gonna be hard seeing her every day though I know, trust me, I've been through exactly that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdeedee Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 What is stopping me from going over there isn't really pride, its this: I get obsessed with every girl after the relationship is over. It is unhealthy and unfair to myself and to them. This is not the first time I've been unable to accept the end of a relationship and if I don't work on myself it won't be the last time. Sometimes I was really unhappy in my relationship and wished it was over. Once it was over I couldn't believe it and now all I want is for it to be back. I hate saying these things because I feel like I am attacking my ex. She was an amazing person and in retrospect she tried so hard to give me what I needed from the relationship, but it didn't work out. Now I want to be back with her as bad as I have ever wanted to be with anyone. I love her. Chasing her though? Not only do I not think calling, showing up at her house, etc. will work. I think it will ruin any chance of anything ever working with her. I always miss my exes, a lot. I want to be able to accept the end of a relationship. Many many people in this world accept it and move on, I don't. ...but I miss her. A lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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