Breaking Point

[Ashbash11]

Alright guys, I've been doing NC with my ex-boyfriend for a month now. (we tried "friends" for 2 years, I still had feelings for him so I told him to stop contacting me) It was easier a couple of weeks ago because I was on vacation in Florida and I was in a different environment. However, I am back home now and my ex lives right near me. I pass by his office everyday.I see his stop on the train everyday. Reminders of him are everywhere, and I'm starting to lose it. I miss him SO much that it hurts.. I'm really ready to just pick up the phone and start hysterically crying, telling him how much I miss him. This would be a really BAD idea. I'm just not sure how to distract myself anymore.

 

I"ve tried calling my parents, friends, everyone.. I've gone shopping, gone to the gym, gotten a new part time job.... anything I can to distract myself, but I feel like I'm at a breaking point now. What would happen if I contacted him again? I know that it can't be a good idea, but I feel like I'm going crazy not talking to him. Oye vey.And the worst part is, I know he's dating (he's got a profile on Jdate) and I highly doubt he thinks about me, or even cares that we aren't talking. This fact drives me even more crazy.

[s_n_d]

You just described how I feel.

Everywhere i look, Im reminded of my ex. And things like the place he works, the malls we went to, restaraunts we went to etc. I tend to connect these places to him. And I hate it..

[Lee725]

Alright guys, I've been doing NC with my ex-boyfriend for a month now. (we tried "friends" for 2 years, I still had feelings for him so I told him to stop contacting me)

 

You guys have been broken up for over 2 years?, how long were you together?

That is a long time to hold onto this, did you maintain friendship with him in the hope of reconciliation? - i ask this because it would help to explain the feelings which you have now.

 

I am back home now and my ex lives right near me. I pass by his office everyday.I see his stop on the train everyday. Reminders of him are everywhere, and I'm starting to lose it.

 

How did you cope with this during the 2 yr friendship since you have broken up? was there something that you use to do which helped you but you have stopped that now?

 

I miss him SO much that it hurts.. I'm really ready to just pick up the phone and start hysterically crying, telling him how much I miss him. This would be a really BAD idea.

 

Yep it would be a BAD idea, you need to heal from this.

Going NC is the best way to do that.

The first few months will be very hard. It is for most people. It does get better with time. As your inner strength grows your perception of the world around you will change and the "reminders" will remind you of him less and less.

 

What would happen if I contacted him again? I know that it can't be a good idea, but I feel like I'm going crazy not talking to him.

 

You feel like you are going crazy because you have never given yourself the chance to get past him.

Even tho you have not been with him for 2 years, the friendship has kept the cord between you, therefore you have never really been without him.

While you maintain friendship with him you will only delay moving on from him, 2 years has proven this.

 

And the worst part is, I know he's dating (he's got a profile on Jdate) and I highly doubt he thinks about me, or even cares that we aren't talking. This fact drives me even more crazy

 

(This will sound harsh - sorry ) If you are not together & have not been for all this time, why should he not date?

You should be doing the same thing.

If you have hung onto the friendship with the hope of reconciliation and he has not, then it will sting that little bit more, He needs to move on and so do you.

Distraction may not be working for you, but acceptance will work, you need to accept what has happened and move forward & that can only come from within yourself, no amount of work or gym will bring you that.

 

I hope you feel better soon & pain starts to ease for you.

[Ashbash11]

Thanks for your honest advice, Lee. To answer your question, we went out for 1 1/2 years before we broke up. He was my first (and only) boyfriend, which makes it that much harder to get over him.

 

Also, he was very confusing during our friendship. He would treat me as more than a friend, sit on my lap, put his arm around me, hold my hand.. etc. He always gave me mixed signals, which kept my hopes up for reconcilliation. I don't think he did this intentionally, I think he was a bit confused about what HE wanted, also. You are right. The friendship allowed me to remain emotionally attached. I've never really fully let go, which is why I'm still here, 2 years later, obsessing over this guy.. It's pathetic, I know. I also agree that I feel like I'm going crazy now because i've never really forced myself to move on like this.. I've always had the friendship to keep things going.

 

I know that I need to move on and like I said in my post, I've been trying everything to try and move forward. It's just very hard... and yes, he DOES have a right to date. I'm not saying that he shouldn't, i'm just making a point that it makes me look even more pathetic, that I'm obsessing over a guy who's already moved on (probably, not entirely sure).

[Lee725]

I know that I need to move on and like I said in my post, I've been trying everything to try and move forward. It's just very hard... and yes, he DOES have a right to date. I'm not saying that he shouldn't, i'm just making a point that it makes me look even more pathetic, that I'm obsessing over a guy who's already moved on (probably, not entirely sure).

 

Do not say you are pathetic, i dont want to read it!

 

Beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring, devoted - i will accept any of those, but no more with the pathetic stuff

 

The first love can be the killer honey, my second LTR was my greatest true love, so if you want to follow my footsteps the next one will be awesome.

(dont follow them too closely tho, there are piles of s*** everywhere )

Sorry i am in a weird mood this arvo.

 

When you feel like contacting him get on here, write it out.

When you want to cry, jump on here and tear away (no-one sees, its excellent!)

But dont forget there is a big wide world out there, full of life, people, experiences, love & happiness.

 

Reach out to them too, go and have some fun, try to have a date should you feel like you are ready, smooch a guy at the pub, run amok with the girls, read a book in the shade.

whatever you do Accept that you are a whole person without him at all.

 

Remember, that you are a strong beautiful person who has spent 2 years without this man as a BF, you have proven that you can live without him.

Just like a new born baby hun, all you need to do now is snip the cord.

[Ashbash11]

So today's my 23rd birthday and guess who I get a call from?? My ex....It was the first time we'd spoken in a month. He said a quick "happy birthday" and then we chatted for a few minutes. IT was awkward to say the least

[Ashbash11]

So, I learned a valuable lesson today. NC is crucial, especially with an ex that you still have feelings for...

 

I went to a goodbye party for a mutual friend last night and I saw my ex there. I hadn't seen/spoken to him in over a month, so I was really nervous about seeing him.. Well, I was having a conversation with our friend and my ex came and sat right in BETWEEN us and interrupted our conversation. He started talking loudly to my friend about how he had met a girl at a bar the other night and he kissed her and got her number. He did this on purpose to hurt me, and it worked. I got so angry that I left the room. My ex is a vindictive ******* and I am very glad that I've been doing NC.. As hard as it is, it's absolutely necessary. I'm still very angry at him today, but this experience was positive in that it taught me that my ex has NO respect for me and he doesn't deserve to be in my life. It was pathetic because today he kept sending me text messages that said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you could hear our conversation..." Ugh.

 

any thoughts/similar experiences/etc???? If not, I hope you will realize how important NC is.. it's really the best way to go.

[CalamitousJane]

Ah, Ashbash. He was messing with you to see if he'd get a reaction. The follow-up proves it. I'm sure he misses you and is thinking about you, but if he wants to have the honor of contact with you he needs to be a LOT less childish and more respectful. He could definitely use more NC. Stay strong, and happy late birthday!

[Ashbash11]

Yes CJ, I agree. The annoying thing is, he did get a reaction! I guess the good that came out of this is that my anger toward him is helping me get along with NC... It's easier to do NC when I'm angry, it seems. That way, I'm not pining over him and all of his good qualities.

How are things going for you?

[SeraBella]

Yes CJ, I agree. The annoying thing is, he did get a reaction! I guess the good that came out of this is that my anger toward him is helping me get along with NC... It's easier to do NC when I'm angry, it seems. That way, I'm not pining over him and all of his good qualities.

How are things going for you?

 

Anger DEFINITELY helps with NC. When my first "true love" and I broke up, I had SUCH a hard time with it because I had no reason to be angry with him. I actually wished that he had done something that would allow me to call him an *******.

 

He's showing his true colors and how immature he is. You obviously deserve so much more, and you find it once you're over him and ready to let someone else in.

[CalamitousJane]

How are things going for you?

 

Hey Ashbash - same deal as you, I guess. He shows major signs that he's still stuck on me, but doesn't make any move toward doing anything about it.

 

I haven't been contacting him, but I've been accepting his calls. Something happened this morning that made me realize that I'm still deeply attached, just when I thought I was getting a little more free.

 

Probably time for me to cut back on contact again. I don't know when this will end.

[Ashbash11]

I sympathize, CJ!!! I'm in the same boat. i've Majorly cut back on contact and it's really hard at first, but as time goes on it gets easier and you start to realize why you are doing it.. It's a very slow process, though. It's safe to say that I am deeply attached also, which is why I was so hurt by my ex's behavior last weekend. Keep going!!! It'll end... eventually.

[CalamitousJane]

I just figured something out. With this guy it won't end until I end it.

 

So that's what I did. Maybe in a couple years I can really be his friend, but not right now.