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so lonely


fabulousgal

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First step to recovery is letting your feelings out in the open. Let us help you, or at least attempt to. You are with good company here.:)

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We are all here for you. :):)

Feel free to talk to us. Chances are weve been through the same kind of pain and we will definitely try to help you through it.

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i met someone. i made myself the prize and all that. i let him lead. even all my friends met him and it was, wow he really likes you. we talked everyday, made plans through my bday (2 weeks ago) and nye etc etc...

 

he had just come out of a long relationship that had been very tormented for the last year. i told him i didn't want to be a rebound, and he took some time away and came back and told me, you aren't and my heart is open.

 

well, on the weekend of my birthday, he suddenly seemed very uncomfortable. what's wrong i asked? she's back. and suddenly a huge problem for them in their past may not be a problem (but i highly doubt it, there simply hasn't been enough time). he is confused. i told him to leave basically bc i won't compete with his past. we have been nc ever since pretty much, there were some emails a day after but i stuck to my guns and told him that is that and perhaps if he is ready one day i may be available but maybe not.

 

i felt a very strong connection to him. he told me things even at the end that i freaked him out bc we think the same things about life and love. their biggest issue was changing to make her family happy (different religions). now i feel like how can you leave someone who believes what you do for someone who clearly doesnt or she would have never left you.

 

i feel like i always lose in this game. if its not him its another guy wanting something else. i know "he's not the one" or this and that. how does everyone else around me seem to have the one just fall into their lap?

 

im nc so im not putting myself through grief for no reason.

 

ppl always tell me how amazing, pretty, fun, etc etc etc i am. i believe all of this too, but its hard when you never seem to be the choice someone goes with. in the last 2 years there has always been a reason the guy i was dating left, and they were all very crappy reasons. at least tell me you just don't like me or im not the kind of girl you see yourself with. instead its always bc an ex pops up or his family had issues with our cultural differences, or he is vactioning overseas for a month or two and its too hard. all of these reasons are bs. if you want to make it work you will. most of the guys i've ended up better with out. this one pisses me off though. we had many interests, beliefs etc alike.

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CalamitousJane

Yes you are in good company!

 

I was doing great for weeks, but all of a sudden tonight my heart feels like a watermelon-sized bruise again.

 

It's crazy because I'm surrounded by love and life - my dogs, my daughter and her friends laughing and teasing and scrounging for ice cream. I laugh and hug and tease, but still something in me is hungry only for the one I used to sleep entwined with.

 

Love shack understands my pain.

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I feel your pain. My ex was literally a male version of me. We were simply perfect for eachother and as cheesy as this sounds, we finished eachothers sentences and all that jazz...

 

I still dont understand why he never gave a good reason for the breakup. His excuse was that it was because we had a few pointless fights and i was a little clingy.. :confused: Isnt every woman clingy to some extent? For example, wanting to call their bf every once in a while etc etc.

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CalamitousJane

Oh s_n_d, I know exactly what you're going through.

 

Every woman has the capacity to be clingy, but also every woman has the capacity to be patient, trust, and not settle for less than what she wants. If he's a real man he doesn't want you to always be there waiting, he wants you to be strong enough to challenge him.

 

For months I had an idea that it would be good to back off from the ex, but I just couldn't, and neither could he, and we lived for hours each day in a limbo-rut that was miserable and confusing but oddly comforting. Like being trapped in a tangle of sweaty bed-sheets.

 

There was finally a point where being free from limbo became more urgent than being connected to him in such a weird, intertwined, non-committed way.

 

We built a strange, precarious little limbo-nest with our "friendship", and it was the most comforting place in the world for me. It hurt like hell to leave it. I can hear in his voice how much it hurt him too. But I can't go back.

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Im going to say something really cheesy but I do believe it to be true:

 

 

Whats meant to be will always find its way.

 

 

Hang in there, all you lonesome and pain-filled people. We have all been there once, twice, three times, or maybe endless times and its hard. But if its meant to be with these exs of ours it will happen..If not today, it will happen SOMEDAY. And if not, well then we will find someone better and wonder why we ever made ourselves depressed over the memories of previous exs.

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The sound of music is on tv right now.

At a point in the movie, the main character says, "You cry a little and then wait for the sun to come out. it always does", when telling her step daughter how to cope with the loss of someone.

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LETS STOP THE BOAT PEOPLE!! lol nobody! is contacting NOBODY!

 

your all on NC, so dont give me any of this '' im gona contact'' bussiness lol seriously tho guys, if you feel your gona contact your ex, contact this forum, post anything, post what you would put in the text if it helps you, just dont contact your exs, you will all just be more hurt,

 

we are all in the same boat here so lets keep are chins up,

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Very true, fandabby!!



Ill TRY. I havent been able to go the NC thing EVER.. but I will try this time. How much NC though? a couple of months? weeks? :(

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I understand what you are going through. But trust me when I say that it's not just women who get treated this way. My gf "went back" to her ex and they had a horrible relationship - lots of fighting, some abusive stuff, and she claims she was miserable. Anyway, they've been "back together" for a couple of weeks but it's not going well. She called me and asked me to meet her for a drink so I did. She said he threw a hot coffee at her when she told him about me. She said she loves me but she's scared - what if it doesn't work out? She says it doesn't feel right with him but that she has a really hard time standing up to him when he tells her he will be all the things she wants. We ended up back at her place and we had sex. She initiated all of it. It wasn't just sex either. It was very passionate and intimate. We talked for hours about a lot of stuff and she said she doesn't know what she is doing back with him. That she thinks about me all the time. She seems so into me...looks at me like she really loves me. She asked me to please hold her until she fell asleep so I did and then I left. I called her the next day and we talked for a while. I told her that it seems like she is using me which she denied and says she's got to figure things out but she does love me and knows she's being an idiot. I told her I wouldn't contact her again. So, 5 days later, here I am depressed and confused. I can't understand how she can be with me like that and still stay with him. He's abusive and mean and it hurts a lot to be cast aside so easily. Good guys really do finish last.

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i met someone. i made myself the prize and all that. i let him lead. even all my friends met him and it was, wow he really likes you. we talked everyday, made plans through my bday (2 weeks ago) and nye etc etc...

 

he had just come out of a long relationship that had been very tormented for the last year. i told him i didn't want to be a rebound, and he took some time away and came back and told me, you aren't and my heart is open.

 

well, on the weekend of my birthday, he suddenly seemed very uncomfortable. what's wrong i asked? she's back. and suddenly a huge problem for them in their past may not be a problem (but i highly doubt it, there simply hasn't been enough time). he is confused. i told him to leave basically bc i won't compete with his past. we have been nc ever since pretty much, there were some emails a day after but i stuck to my guns and told him that is that and perhaps if he is ready one day i may be available but maybe not.

 

i felt a very strong connection to him. he told me things even at the end that i freaked him out bc we think the same things about life and love. their biggest issue was changing to make her family happy (different religions). now i feel like how can you leave someone who believes what you do for someone who clearly doesnt or she would have never left you.

 

i feel like i always lose in this game. if its not him its another guy wanting something else. i know "he's not the one" or this and that. how does everyone else around me seem to have the one just fall into their lap?

 

im nc so im not putting myself through grief for no reason.

 

ppl always tell me how amazing, pretty, fun, etc etc etc i am. i believe all of this too, but its hard when you never seem to be the choice someone goes with. in the last 2 years there has always been a reason the guy i was dating left, and they were all very crappy reasons. at least tell me you just don't like me or im not the kind of girl you see yourself with. instead its always bc an ex pops up or his family had issues with our cultural differences, or he is vactioning overseas for a month or two and its too hard. all of these reasons are bs. if you want to make it work you will. most of the guys i've ended up better with out. this one pisses me off though. we had many interests, beliefs etc alike.

 

I have a strange feeling that I should respond to this thread........

 

He clearly was not over his ex, so you did do the right thing by initiating NC. Your next step is to move on.Just like the old saying, you will kiss alot of frogs before you meet your Prince Charming. Hang in there and remain patient.:)

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