k10k Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I'm so tired of waking up every morning and having him be the very first thought in my head. When will this end? It's been a few months and each morning is such a major struggle - I try to force myself to go back to sleep, force myself to stop thinking about him, but the thoughts just keep popping back into my head.. it is driving me crazy. I'm trying to be patient with myself and I'm really trying to accept, but lately it's been really hard. I'm so tired of over-analyzing, trying to find understanding, trying to let go. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of loving him when he seems to not love me anymore. I'm tired of him having so much power to hurt me. I invested almost 5 years of my life into him. He came to visit me the other day, and told me with a big smile on is face that he has kissed this girl from work (who I've had my suspicions about). He betrayed me while we were still together by sending her sms's, going to lunch with her everyday. He said, "I felt guilty when I kissed her, but it also felt good cause now I know I've made the right decision." Which makes me think he lied to me all along about why he broke up with me. He then asks how I would feel if I saw them together. I told him I would never be able to handle that and he proceeds to say "Well I know it's selfish but I'm glad you wouldn't be able to handle it, because it means you still care" Why say something like that to me? And after all this.. I know that deep down inside I'm still clinging onto this rediculous hope that he will come back.. how stupid is that!? Why would I want someone back who has betrayed me and who still continues to hurt me? I just want to move on and feel good about myself again, but I'm feeling so stuck at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
purplegurl Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I invested almost 5 years of my life into him. He came to visit me the other day, and told me with a big smile on his face that he has kissed this girl from work (who I've had my suspicions about). He betrayed me while we were still together by sending her sms's, going to lunch with her everyday. He said, "I felt guilty when I kissed her, but it also felt good cause now I know I've made the right decision." Which makes me think he lied to me all along about why he broke up with me. He then asks how I would feel if I saw them together. I told him I would never be able to handle that and he proceeds to say "Well I know it's selfish but I'm glad you wouldn't be able to handle it, because it means you still care" Why say something like that to me? OMG wat a jerk...i feel so sorry for u hney!i can totally relate to ur thinkin abt the wasted 5 yrs.....but plz for god sake just think about it...every moment u spend thinkin abt him is more time wasted.those 5 yrs are gone..accept them as a bful part of ur life which is over.period and now its time to make more memories and invest in a better person. its clear from his behaviour that he's a complete moron...u cant control thinkin abt him just allow urself the grieving..but gradually start detaching urself....he clearly does not deserve so much attention neways. all d best Link to post Share on other sites
purplegurl Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 oops sorry dunno hw its all in bold! Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I know All About that feeling. Been there in a Huge Way. It comes and goes in waves, getting over someone. But you'll have far more success if you break off all contact with him for now. NC as we say here. Having him come over and yack about kissing some girl is like someone slamming a hammer on your broken hand as it's just starting to heal. It made me hurt just to read your post about his "visit". NC is hard and brings about all sorts of feelings of longing, but it's the way. And this place, LS is loaded with support. You can post here all the time and everyone will send strength vibes to you, and it works. Obsessively reading other people's posts helped me out, as well. I don't know what I'd have done without this place this past year. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I'm tired of him having so much power to hurt me. I invested almost 5 years of my life into him. He came to visit me the other day, and told me with a big smile on is face that he has kissed this girl from work (who I've had my suspicions about). He betrayed me while we were still together by sending her sms's, going to lunch with her everyday. He said, "I felt guilty when I kissed her, but it also felt good cause now I know I've made the right decision." Which makes me think he lied to me all along about why he broke up with me. He then asks how I would feel if I saw them together. I told him I would never be able to handle that and he proceeds to say "Well I know it's selfish but I'm glad you wouldn't be able to handle it, because it means you still care" Why say something like that to me? It's f-in SICK he would say something like this to you. Obviously he is lacking empathy in the extreme. I wanted to punch this guy after reading this. Exclude him from your life. Walk away. Don't see him, talk to him, etc. I know what it's like to lose a LTR and to be treated like this- let me tell you if he doesn't grasp emotions, empathy, sympathy, etc now, he may never. You don't need to suffer for this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k10k Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks purplegurl, polywog and kittenmoon.. it helps so much to know that people relate. I decided to cut him out of my life after that "visit". I can't allow him to keep on hurting me like this. I guess it's just so hard when you've shared so much time together with another person but as you say, time to walk away and make new memories! xo Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Hey K10 I know you said you cut him out of your life so I wanted to tell you that you are doing the right thing. I know exactly how you feel because I recently cut my ex out of my life (we were together for four years and broke up almost 2 months ago). It was a very difficult thing to do and I still think about him all the time but at least he doesn't know it anymore. And I know that I am on the path to healing and maybe one day I won't care when I see him with another girl.. I just wanted to wish you good luck and tell you to stay strong. --Lisa Link to post Share on other sites
Author k10k Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks Lisa! I'll try my best to stay strong.. I'm going to go and stay with my mom over the holiday period for 3 weeks, so that will definitely make things a little easier Good luck to you too, glad to hear that you're on the path to healing Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks purplegurl, polywog and kittenmoon.. it helps so much to know that people relate. I decided to cut him out of my life after that "visit". I can't allow him to keep on hurting me like this. I guess it's just so hard when you've shared so much time together with another person but as you say, time to walk away and make new memories! xo Yes, it's Really hard when we've shared our life with someone. It's a loss when we cut off from that person to heal. But really, you'll get so much perspective on that shared history, and I'm betting that he'll start to look different in some ways after the fog clears. That's what's happened for me, and it was worth it. Good luck & be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts