bigheartkindsoul Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Whats been the best way for you to cope and keep sane after your break up? For me I guess keeping busy has been key. Being busy meant I didn't always have to think about what went wrong, him, us etc don't get me wrong I still had my moments but much less than if I had sat indoors always and didn't distract myself from how I was feeling and my hurt. I am pretty much there now just wanted to hopefully help others. Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Long walks with my Ipod. Crying. Gyming it. Venting to family and friends. Trying to appreciate all the things I have and I am not going to die from this! Oh and LS of course Link to post Share on other sites
marty Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I found exercise has helped me ALOT. In particular, running. Which i've never done before. Been hard sometimes to drag my ass to the gym, but when you're done you do feel better. Pounding on some weights helps take some venom out your system too. In the process of reading some self help books too. 'Self Matters' by Dr.Phil McGraw, and 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 reading self-help books to get a better understanding, and LS for feedback and support! Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 These are all good tips. I vote for walking. Nice, long walks where you can obsess AND get in shape! A healthy, fit body really goes a long way in boosting the ol self-esteem. Therapy has been a big one. I feel like I'm a drag sometimes on my friends and family, but my therapist expects me to cry, mope and rage for an hour. And her reactions are constructive and encouraging. Sometimes friends and family just don't know how to help. If you feel up to it, volunteering has been a big help. I work in the cattery at the Humane Society in my town, and helping out animals makes me feel good about myself. Plus, I can sit and pet a kitty, which helps me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 These are all good tips. I vote for walking. Nice, long walks where you can obsess AND get in shape! A healthy, fit body really goes a long way in boosting the ol self-esteem. Therapy has been a big one. I feel like I'm a drag sometimes on my friends and family, but my therapist expects me to cry, mope and rage for an hour. And her reactions are constructive and encouraging. Sometimes friends and family just don't know how to help. If you feel up to it, volunteering has been a big help. I work in the cattery at the Humane Society in my town, and helping out animals makes me feel good about myself. Plus, I can sit and pet a kitty, which helps me too. All excellent, this one especially spoke to me. The top being so true, our self esteem takes a knock when we get dumped so its important to get that back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
MartianChronicles Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 at some point i decided i would only do the things which could make me happy/feel better. friends, LS, working 10 hours a day, swimming, running, yoga, books (not self-help books but sci-fi, thriller and comic books), loads of movies. oh, and shopping. that helps a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 I have really found reading self help books and trying to learn from mistakes made from previous relationship has made me more hopeful about the next one whenever that might be. I have massages/reflexology for the hands on touch, I read in a how to get over break up book, this is something we miss alot when we break up with someone and is a great way to get some contact. Also I think eactly what you said, trying as much as possible to do things that made me feel better, just me. My list is pretty much what yours is. Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I think you need to do whatever you feel like doing and not try to force anything. This past weekend I forced myself to go out everyday. By Sunday I was feeling totally miserable. I went to the beach with my friends (all happy couples) and the whole time I was there I just wanted my ex to be with me .. I ended up feeling worse off. I think I would've felt better if I had spent the day reading at home and just taking time out for myself. But I guess it's still early days for me, and I'll probably feel a miserable no matter what I do until I've had some time to heal a little more. I'm definitely going to take up yoga and was thinking of doing a photography course as that is something I've always been interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 I think you need to do whatever you feel like doing and not try to force anything. This past weekend I forced myself to go out everyday. By Sunday I was feeling totally miserable. I went to the beach with my friends (all happy couples) and the whole time I was there I just wanted my ex to be with me .. I ended up feeling worse off. I think I would've felt better if I had spent the day reading at home and just taking time out for myself. But I guess it's still early days for me, and I'll probably feel a miserable no matter what I do until I've had some time to heal a little more. I'm definitely going to take up yoga and was thinking of doing a photography course as that is something I've always been interested in. Although it is hard, and I do know, you can allow yourself to have a good time and get in the habit of when your with friends having a good time, you might not have a great time to begin with but you will if you keep pushing. I know what you mean about thoughts I am the worlds worst for that, but tried so hard to enjoy what was infront of me, the beach, my friends, being out, getting drunk, having a dance, etc etc and then doing any thinking away from this, so hence I knew I could have a good time. I donno everyone is different, its just what worked for me. 3.5 months later and I am not hurting anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
ninjaturtles Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Are you completely healed now? After 3 months? Not hurting anymore? If you are, then that's very encouraging for me...I know i ma getting better etc, but I just long for the day when I dont wake up and start thinking about him etc. Well, the way I have coped so far include keeping myself busy( very vital for me)..this is because I have goals to attain (career wise) and I keep telling myself that I dont want to jeopardise my future because of a guy...this time next year, I may not even care to know his whereabouts..so therefore I should not jeopardise my goals cos of a temporary situation. Being around friends helps a lot, talking to them etc. Sometimes when we split, we remember only our bad parts and place our exes high up there, as though they were perfect etc. My friends encourage me to see the good in myself, the bad in him and most importantly, they fact that he left me and caused a lot of pain, the way he handled the breakup etc. They also tell me lots of encouraging stories about things that have happened to people in the past, eg exes going back to beg for a 2nd chance after being the dumpers, people finidng lovee after being dumped etc...basically, nothing is permanent..so we may be hurting now but not forever.. I go on LS alot...really helps...I watch movies sometimes etc. Just keep myself busy plus i try very hard to motivate myself mentally. When those negavtive thoughts come flooding it, try not to dwell on them..try to see the good things you did in the relationship....I dont know what else to say, but try not to dwell too muhc on the negative... One question please)to the person who started this thread).. When did you stop hurting..after how long..and did you feel very bad at the start..(cos I used to wake up sooo depressed, I missed him a lot, i cired a lot..sometimes i would not eat etc)...What i am trying to say is i am not a very strong person(emotionally)..thus a brief rundown of how you coped through it would be thoroughly appreciated.... Finally, in the past i got over breakups through getting into new relationships/ falling for someone else..but this time, I am going thorugh it alone....so its a different experience for me....Perhaps its good to go through it alone sometimes right? Any feedback would be thoroughly appreciated..thanks so much.. I am 6 weeks into the breakup now and feel much better but not quite there yet.xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Are you completely healed now? After 3 months? Not hurting anymore? If you are, then that's very encouraging for me...I know i ma getting better etc, but I just long for the day when I dont wake up and start thinking about him etc. Well, the way I have coped so far include keeping myself busy( very vital for me)..this is because I have goals to attain (career wise) and I keep telling myself that I dont want to jeopardise my future because of a guy...this time next year, I may not even care to know his whereabouts..so therefore I should not jeopardise my goals cos of a temporary situation. Being around friends helps a lot, talking to them etc. Sometimes when we split, we remember only our bad parts and place our exes high up there, as though they were perfect etc. My friends encourage me to see the good in myself, the bad in him and most importantly, they fact that he left me and caused a lot of pain, the way he handled the breakup etc. They also tell me lots of encouraging stories about things that have happened to people in the past, eg exes going back to beg for a 2nd chance after being the dumpers, people finidng lovee after being dumped etc...basically, nothing is permanent..so we may be hurting now but not forever.. I go on LS alot...really helps...I watch movies sometimes etc. Just keep myself busy plus i try very hard to motivate myself mentally. When those negavtive thoughts come flooding it, try not to dwell on them..try to see the good things you did in the relationship....I dont know what else to say, but try not to dwell too muhc on the negative... One question please)to the person who started this thread).. When did you stop hurting..after how long..and did you feel very bad at the start..(cos I used to wake up sooo depressed, I missed him a lot, i cired a lot..sometimes i would not eat etc)...What i am trying to say is i am not a very strong person(emotionally)..thus a brief rundown of how you coped through it would be thoroughly appreciated.... Finally, in the past i got over breakups through getting into new relationships/ falling for someone else..but this time, I am going thorugh it alone....so its a different experience for me....Perhaps its good to go through it alone sometimes right? Any feedback would be thoroughly appreciated..thanks so much.. I am 6 weeks into the breakup now and feel much better but not quite there yet.xxx I am the person that started this thread!! 3.5months along.... Right ok, was recovering from depression too this finally went around 3wks ago. A holiday helped. I grieved alot, I got it all out of my system, sure I went out loads did loads of things to keep me busy and distracted but made sure I spent time grieving for the loss. I read alot, about starting over (title of one of the books) and other things that would make me understand what I perhaps need to do next time and how although yes not a totaly angel that it was infact my ex that has the problems and not so much me. I had the highs and the lowest of the lows (and I mean low) in these 3.5months. The big part of my healing was a holiday, my mind was just exhausted and I needed a break. But here I am, I still have thoughts of us and him but I do not get down in the dumps with them like I used too. But the essential things are: Keeping busy Grieving Looking after your mental and health needs Leaning on friends Exercise and massages/pampering Having a mind set as much as I could, that he hurt me alot during our relationship I will not let him ruin the rest of my life and will push myself to get out and see that there is life after this person Laughing Self help books and improving myself, myself esteem and my issues within a relationship Hope that helps, but please believe you will get past it, if you have the mindset that you want to be happy once again, then you will be. xxx Link to post Share on other sites
ncpd25 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I ride my bicycle (about 30 miles a day). Spend time with friends, laugh, do projects around my house ( I just installed surround sound to my T.V.). Another thing I did, which may not be the easiest was to try and understand where my ex is. I learned about the things she had gone through and realized through reading and speaking with people that she may not be the most confident, well grounded person (although she comes across that way). I think she really doesn't know what to think or what to do with herself. Work keeps my mind off things for the most part, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 What i wonder is where would i be, what state would i be in and how much healing would i have done i never found LS? I think i would have kept in contact with her for longer, and i wouldve felt ALOT more stuck in my problems and feel very alone about it. I think i would be worse off if i never found LS. It really has helped me manage things well. =) So besides LS what has helped me is crying my friends WRITING going out and HAVING FUN talking loving who i am still offering my love in different but meaningful forms to my puppy and close friends so i know my heart is still open and working finding peace with myself Link to post Share on other sites
foolednm Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Can someone clue me in to what LS is? I'm sorry I don't know what that is...I'm so new on this site. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ncpd25 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 It stands for LoveShack Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 at some point i decided i would only do the things which could make me happy/feel better. friends, LS, working 10 hours a day, swimming, running, yoga, books (not self-help books but sci-fi, thriller and comic books), loads of movies. oh, and shopping. that helps a lot Hell yeah, break out the plastic! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Hell yeah, break out the plastic! Yes did I miss that one off :rolleyes:OMG how could I, shopping, love it, done plenty of it since BU. And just bought a nice jacket for £60 this evening as a (nother) treat for ones self!!! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Yes did I miss that one off :rolleyes:OMG how could I, shopping, love it, done plenty of it since BU. And just bought a nice jacket for £60 this evening as a (nother) treat for ones self!!! LOL Yeah I sure have been treating myself to, clothes, dvds, cds, books. May regret in a couple months when I cant afford to pay it off but what the hell it as helped me through! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Yeah I sure have been treating myself to, clothes, dvds, cds, books. May regret in a couple months when I cant afford to pay it off but what the hell it as helped me through! I'm agnostic, but Amen to that my friend Amen. Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I'm agnostic, but Amen to that my friend Amen. . I so want a new TV to. eek! Must refrain, maybe just shoes and a couple of shirts Link to post Share on other sites
Sanslatete Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I've never spent so much in my life, this grieving business is expensive! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 I've never spent so much in my life, this grieving business is expensive! Very true, but to be honest I have always like treating myself to new things anyway. I like to look my best and have nice things, gees I work hard enough. to the OP. I bought a lovely 32" LCD Flatscreen TV in December as my Xmas pressie to myself, its great along with my Sky + box Link to post Share on other sites
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