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Grace112

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It feels unreal. Monday through Friday, I get up, go to work, do what I have to do, and then go to the gym or meet a friend for dinner. Saturday and Sunday, I wake up, go to the gym, and hopefully occupy some time running errands, spending time with friends/family, and then get ready to start the whole routine all over again.

 

People tell me I'm being strong and that they're proud that I've been able to continue on with my life. I feel the exactly the opposite. My life feels so empty. I spent so much of the past several years thinking about him, trying to make sure he was happy and trying to make our life together better. I am at such a loss trying to figure out how I'm supposed to fill in this emptiness. I ache every day - it's like some part of me is calling out to him and it's not being heard. I want to quiet the call but I can't. I want so desperately for him to hear me but at the same time I know that no sound from me will ever bring him back.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. I know everyone on this board is going/has gone through this and it just feels better to share.

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hopeforlove243

You are right, you are not alone. At least you are trying to keep yourself busy, all I want to do is stay at home by myself. Have a party to go tonite, all are my closest friends, yet, I somehow just don't want to go. I feel I have to put up a fake happy face when I am around my friends, I feel so empty inside.

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hopeforlove, I know what you mean about the "happy face". I HATE putting it on. You do it because you have to - you have to keep up appearances when you're crying inside. I, too, had a party to go to tonight but I don't have the strength to put on a "happy face" for people who's names I will forget and guys who I'm just not interested in. My roommates are out of town so I figured I would give this night to myself. A night where I could just be myself and let out all the sadness and frustration I've been keeping to myself to keep up appearances. Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the pain.

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Grace,

 

I know what you mean my going through the motions each day. I exists, but I am not really living. Today is 2 months since I had contact w/ my ex. I woke up w/ nothing inside me. No energy. I slept away a beautiful day and it pisses me off.

 

Over the last couple of months, I have tried to move on, but I feel absolutely nothing.

 

Happy face...I can't do it either. I have some good friends that know what I am going through, and they get me out of the house. But, I don't want to be with anybody right now. I know I am not great company.

 

I know I did not offer any real words of advice here...just another person that can empathize w/ you.

 

Hope you are doing better!

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Grace

Vent appreciated. Yep we are and or have been there. It is important that you are keeping yourself occupied. You must appreciate how far you have come in that time? Know you are not alone, as this board will prove. There are many many people out there going through this to.

 

As hard as it may seem. you MUST try find some peace with yourself and your life. You cant put your important happiness in this one and only precious life on ONE person.

 

Of course I am not perfect myself, I get some really smelly days, and it does hurt. And yes I want her back and yes I to cannot comprehend at times as to why I wasnt enough for her. But I always try to stay focused, keep my chin up and my heart at peace. I wake up each day and try appreciated what I have, even small things like that we take for granted like having a roof over my head, to my health, my job, my friends and family.

 

Take care /hugs :)

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Thanks to everyone! It really does feel better seeing these things I've been thinking spill out onto the screen. Because everyone is constantly telling me that "I'm better off", I don't have the opportunity to discuss what I'm actually going through. My friends all feel this way so strongly, they can't grasp why I am still feeling so blue.

 

It was 3 months to the day yesterday since he called off the wedding and I still find myself spending so much of my day wondering what he's doing and how he's feeling. I know I shouldn't care because in the end it doesn't matter because he's gone, but I so greatly miss the comfort of being around him that it's almost like he's there in some small way while I'm thinking of him. He was such a major part of my life for so many years and I 100% believed he'd be in my life for the rest of my life that it's SO hard to give him up.

 

I know that I'm functioning and I know that I'm making it through each day, but somehow without him around, I just don't feel alive. What good are all these changes I'm making to myself if I can't share them with the person that I love?

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Hi Grace

Hope you are not too bad today.

 

It is totally understandable the way feel, anybody would feel the same.

 

Your friends are pretty cold in simply telling you "you are better off", it probably isnt what you want to hear, tho I am sure they mean well. But yes you feel the need to completely open your heart to them on how youre feeling, they really should understand that. Sometimes you dont need any advice at all, just a caring ear and a shoulder to cry on.

 

Why do feel you that you shouldnt be caring still? Its just 3 months, no time at all, you cant and mustnt deny your feelings. You still miss and you still love him, accept that, accept for as long as it takes. It is possible and likely that you will eventually move on but knowing that you will always love him in a way, again something that may best not to deny or hide.

x

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Grace I feel for ya too. I was ready to propose to my ex later this year. I was prepared to spend my life with her too and when she left, my world was flipped upside down. Its been 2 months for me but much to my shame I have only recently slipped from LC to NC as best as I can.

 

I go through the motions but once in a while I get these overwhelming feelings. Just the other night I was at home, everything fine, then suddenly I saw something on tv and I just broke down again. Like really broke down. Got down on my knees and started to pray that this will end and I find happiness within again. I got up and took a nice hot shower to relax. I was in there for almost 30 min. By the time I got out I felt better and then just sat in the living room and read a little bit.

 

I still hold out a little hope because she does love me and right now its just bad timing in her life to think about settling down. Only time will tell how things pan out. Till then, best thing to do is pamper yourself and do whatever it is that makes you happy. Any little thing will help.

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Thanks Bosiell and niceguy for your words of advice. I am definitely trying to do the best I can in continuing to move forward. It's just difficult when you have trouble accepting that that's what you're supposed to do.

 

Niceguy, I have the exact same sentiment about my ex-fiancee. A huge part of me thinks that he's going to realize that I am the one and that he just got cold feet. I think he and I were brought together for a reason and whatever it is, it hasn't fully panned out. A part of me was scared to get married - I truly believe in marriage lasting a lifetime and dedicating myself to our joint happiness. Maybe I thought he wasn't ready to do so and that's what scared me. I think what we had was real and true, but perhaps he wasn't at the right place to move forward even though he was the one that proposed.

 

Bosiell, I appreciate your understanding about the friend situation. It's almost like I'm keeping my spirits more for them than I am for myself because I don't want to disappoint them. They obviously have strong feelings about the situation because they are my friends, but it's hard to be true to myself when I'm trying to keep up appearances for them.

 

I hope the both of you are also faring better today. Thanks again.

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I have had a pretty good day thanks Grace, best for a while, but I am aware it is a roller coaster ride of emotions.

 

I personally have been lucky, have some understanding friends and family, they know I dont usually open up to easily, and for me to show my feelings like I have recently they realise it must be serious and they have been great in letting me open my heart to them.

 

I understand about trying to keep a spirited face for your friends. But to be honest only my true friends know whats going on with me. If I want to keep myself to myself, keep quiet and keep my emotions calm, then I really dont care if I look miserable, quiet, moody or whatever. My feelings are far more important at this time.

 

x

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I really dont care if I look miserable, quiet, moody or whatever. My feelings are far more important at this time.

 

I'm with you on this one, I couldn't give a rat's ass what people think at the moment, I'm empty and p!ssed off and I don't care who knows it. everybody's got some opinion or other but it's me that's got to endure all this crap. I hate feeling like this, but I can't see a way out yet.

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Hi Grace,

 

As you know I'm going through a similiar situation. Just this weekend I was realizing that I'm not actually living my life right now, I'm just going through the motions while feeling numb....It's hard to adjust from being soo happy to having it taken away from you. I want so bad to go one day with not thinking about him .......I still follow your posts.. One day at a time is all I can say...

 

A LS member posted this song a few months back.. (sorry I cant remember who it was exactly).. but ever since Ive listened to this song everyday...

 

Timbaland & OneRepublic - Apologize

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHfyDxy8i5o

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You are empty because you are only doing this "I get up, go to work, do what I have to do, and then go to the gym or meet a friend for dinner. Saturday and Sunday, I wake up, go to the gym, and hopefully occupy some time running errands, spending time with friends/family, and then get ready to start the whole routine all over again"

 

i mean how empty does that sound!

 

what about the healing part.... all this that you are doing is GREAT for healing, but it might only just temporarily heal your hurt and pain. Time heals wounds temporarily. the saying time heals all wounds is wrong.

 

after time you might not be sad anymore but the sadness may have turned into anger or resentment.

 

or the anger might have turned into sadness.

 

people cant talk about their past because they "move on" without dealing it by doing only the things that deal with anything BUT your feelings.

 

you may not have written anything but by what i have read it sounds like you need to get real with youself.

so i suggest this.

 

 

Go into your room, or somewhere quiet.

take a pen and paper.

 

write down exactly what you are feeling.

 

sad, angry, disapointed, hurt, lost, empty, numb, calm, happy, peaceful, resentful WHATEVER nothing is wrong, you can feel a bunch of anything at one time.

 

now write down why you are feeling sad.

 

why you are feeling angry,

disapointed and so on.

 

recognise what it is that is making you feel sad.

 

recognise what is going through your head every second of everyday that runs in real time without you having to "control it" and write it down.

 

this is a huge start.

 

now it is all out your head and onto paper. now you have room for direction.

 

you cannot have direction if your head is full of thoughts, or if it is empty.

 

now write what you love to do. write what you would like to achieve. and it has to be very personal and only about you. maybe you would like to learn to cook, or earn more money/save, sort through that old cupboard, get a degree, take photos, catch up with your mum, have a bath. anything you like. the opportunities are endless.

 

if you are crying through all of this that is fine, if you need to stop and punch a pillow or ball your eyes out more, whatever, that is fine, it is good for you and releasing pain. that is why we cry. as im sure you know.

 

find what you love and do it. and make this healing about you. not about him. who cares what he is doing now. he shouldnt be more than a passing thought while you are doing this exercise. because it is about making yourself happy.

 

and remember. happiness is not a destination. its a choice and a way of living.

 

keep posting. hope i helped you.

Jmina

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Another beautiful bit of wisdom from Jmina!

 

I can't really add much other than to say I've found writing to be very therapeutic - I write a journal almost every day and I make sure that I write anything I want, even doodle. Sometimes I sit in a cafe and I'll end up writing about the people sitting around me, what they are doing and wondering if they are happy. It helps me take my mind off the one thing I shouldn't be focusing on, my ex ;)

 

Gradually, through writing, I have started to get to know myself better. I have started asking questions about what I like to do, what my passions are. It starts to become about me - it's like taking myself on a date! I suddenly realise that all this focus on other people, wondering what they like and who they are ... I didn't know who I was or what I liked.

 

Often we have a destination in mind and we fixate on that, surely that is happiness. We sometimes forget to look at our journey, which is where the experience actually is. Take each day as it comes, enjoy simple pleasures and do things you've never done before. Go for a walk and don't think about where you are going. Have a hot bath and relax. Pamper yourself, learn to love you :)

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funkybassplayer

Love yourself, love others and it will be ok. new doors will open, if you open your heart, you will open the doors to your life, and things will start to happen. Let go of needs, and things will come to you. Love everyone, and try to see people anger etc as the pain we are all in, If you see it you can work on it. If you close your heart, you close the doors, all you will have is whats locked inside.

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Another beautiful bit of wisdom from Jmina!

 

I can't really add much other than to say I've found writing to be very therapeutic - I write a journal almost every day and I make sure that I write anything I want, even doodle. Sometimes I sit in a cafe and I'll end up writing about the people sitting around me, what they are doing and wondering if they are happy. It helps me take my mind off the one thing I shouldn't be focusing on, my ex ;)

 

Gradually, through writing, I have started to get to know myself better. I have started asking questions about what I like to do, what my passions are. It starts to become about me - it's like taking myself on a date! I suddenly realise that all this focus on other people, wondering what they like and who they are ... I didn't know who I was or what I liked.

 

Often we have a destination in mind and we fixate on that, surely that is happiness. We sometimes forget to look at our journey, which is where the experience actually is. Take each day as it comes, enjoy simple pleasures and do things you've never done before. Go for a walk and don't think about where you are going. Have a hot bath and relax. Pamper yourself, learn to love you :)

 

 

Good post Matt.. Been meaning to start a journal, you have given me the kick I need to get on with it ;)

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