First time love loss. Really having hard time

[SuperHands]

Hi guys, this is my first post here. I'm hoping this place will help me out as there seems to be alot of very good advice around here.

 

Ok here it is. 2 months ago i broke up my first serious girlfriend. I fell in love with her and from that moment it all went wrong. I was constantly stressed out and insecure as she could never make me feel that she really wanted to be with me. I also began to realise that she wasn't really the girl I could see myself having a life with. So I decided to end it then rather than later when it would be so much harder.

 

We went out for 4 months. Not that long, but as she was the first girl I had a serious relationship with, I became very attached and loved the idea of "having a girlfriend".

 

We had NC for about a month in which time I thought she hated me, as I messed her around a little bit at the end (changing my mind, etc). Anyway, we met up on a friends night out and got talking about it, in which she revealed she never loved me but just wanted to be with someone. A bitter pill to swallow.

 

A month on and I thought I was getting her out my system. I wasn't thinking about her as much and I was getting happy. Now last week I discovered she has a new boyfriend. Finding out was like someone injecting acid into my blood and now i realise i'm not over her at all!

 

Worse still is before this I had already agreed to go to a house warming party she had organised with her best friend, her birthday in november and also invited her to my birthday party a week later. So i'm likely going to have to meet her new boyfriend at one of these events.

 

I don't want to meet him, as the idea of seeing her with someone else literally terrifies me. I've talked to my friends and family about it and they say I should go ahead and meet him as the longer i put it off the worse it will get. I just feel that the event is going to scar me and I fear that I may even breakdown. I'm not that strong a person and I always show my feelings, so I can't even put a brave face on.

 

I don't know what to do about it.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

I don't think I would go to the house warming party. It'll just set you back again!

[Bosiell]

I can sort of relate to your situtaion Super. Many years ago now for me, long relationship that ended although not easy quite civilised, we were still friends and cared for each other. Was only she told she was seeing someone else(foolish to think that would never be the case) that I really took it hard, and yep you guess it I wanted her back!

 

To the housewarming question. Well imo, simply do not go. It is only a house warming, hardly the event of the yeah. If you know you are going to be hurt then that is far more important. Make your excuses, at these times you have to please yourself and not others.

 

Hope that helps, chin up.

[SuperHands]

It seems the logical thing to do. It's in a few weeks, so I will reserve judgement til nearer the time. Not sure what to do about the birthdays though. They are over a month away, and I've already (foolishly) invited her to mine.

 

I would hope to be getting over her by then, but I can't see that happening, unless i meet someone else.

[Bosiell]

Read thru these forums Super. There is much great advice to be found, it has helped me no end.

 

Good luck mate. keep posting.

[Curious139]

For the moment you should plan and act on avoiding seeing her. The risk to your healing is too great. Who knows, in a month or two you may feel sufficently independant that it isn't a problem but for the moment assume that won't happen.

 

I understand exactly how you feel and I'd avoid any such meeting until you felt completely well. Mix with other people, keep busy, talk to friends and family. See a counsellor. It all helps.

[SuperHands]

Thanks guys, I think you are all correct. As much as it feels like i'm running away, sometimes you have to run i guess.

 

I will keep posting here as it already makes me feel better talking to others about it all.