NC... how do i do it?

[101NEO]

Ok so to anyone who has read my other posts would probably not believe that i'm even thinking about this right now but i need to know some of other's thoughts and ideas.

 

to sum it up. it's been a little over three months since we spilt up from a 5 year relationship. she did the breaking up. It was because of my own stupidity. I took her for granted, things got a little too routine for the both of us, and i was kinda fast-forwarding through our relationship. she felt pressured into things that she wasn't ready for. (we lived together, engagement, i wanted to buy a house together...)

 

After about three months it finally started to look like things are going to be ok. we started hangin out again and talking a lot more and having intimate interactions at least for the last few weeks. now before i go any further, i do love her and would love nothing more than for the two of us to work it all out. i've been trying as much as i can to let her know that i'm sorry for my stupid actions/mean words that were said. i went to a therapist and really got some things straightened out in my head. since the start of us working things out, she says almost every time i see her that the things she see in me that have changed amaze her. she also says that the only reason we aren't back together right now is because from the start i did it all wrong.

 

i was being the typical person who got broken up with. i called, cried, told her over and over again how miserable i was, told her how much i missed her, told her how much i loved her and pretty much just smothered the crap out of her with it. clearly this causes the opposite of what i wanted but i couldn't help myself. i felt soooo lost.

 

at one point in time i gave up and decided it's time to move on. i stopped calling her so frequently, i started meeting other women, and actually started to move on. shortly after, she started coming around. so i dropped the other women i was talking to and decided to give her the me that she was missing. since then, we've been in this holding pattern. she says it's because she's scared and that she doesn't know if she can trust me.

 

so now, i'm getting impatient and starting to think that it's never going to work out.

 

so we talked the other night and i told her that i don't think we should talk anymore. that the whole situation is killing me and that it's not fair to me. she said, "well if that's what you want, i can't stop you." that was preceeded by a bunch of questions asking who did i talk to that told me to give up and move on. no one did, i just made that decision myself. she follows that by saying that she was about to pack a bag and come hang out with me for the night, so i said, ok, come on over. everything went great but i still can't take it anymore. i feel like i deserve better than this.

 

If the roles were reversed i would have already taken her back and forgiven her. i'm a firm believer that you don't leave someone you love unless it's your only option and there's nothing left for you to build/work from.

 

So now i sit here and i want to call her but i don't. part of me wants to keep trying, part of me says, dude, to hell with her. i think it's time for me to let myself heal and move on but how do i do that?

 

for the last 7 years i have talked to her every day. almost every day. she's my best friend or at least my closest. i don't want her gone i just don't want to feel like this anymore. it hurts too much. i really don't want to start all over again.

 

i think i'm just going to drink myself into a coma...

 

side note:

she just texted me. it said "i hate life", she never talks like that and it makes me want to call her because i care about her and i want to know what's wrong.

[uniqueone]

Ok so to anyone who has read my other posts would probably not believe that i'm even thinking about this right now but i need to know some of other's thoughts and ideas.

 

to sum it up. it's been a little over three months since we spilt up from a 5 year relationship. she did the breaking up. It was because of my own stupidity. I took her for granted, things got a little too routine for the both of us, and i was kinda fast-forwarding through our relationship. she felt pressured into things that she wasn't ready for. (we lived together, engagement, i wanted to buy a house together...)

 

After about three months it finally started to look like things are going to be ok. we started hangin out again and talking a lot more and having intimate interactions at least for the last few weeks. now before i go any further, i do love her and would love nothing more than for the two of us to work it all out. i've been trying as much as i can to let her know that i'm sorry for my stupid actions/mean words that were said. i went to a therapist and really got some things straightened out in my head. since the start of us working things out, she says almost every time i see her that the things she see in me that have changed amaze her. she also says that the only reason we aren't back together right now is because from the start i did it all wrong.

 

i was being the typical person who got broken up with. i called, cried, told her over and over again how miserable i was, told her how much i missed her, told her how much i loved her and pretty much just smothered the crap out of her with it. clearly this causes the opposite of what i wanted but i couldn't help myself. i felt soooo lost.

 

at one point in time i gave up and decided it's time to move on. i stopped calling her so frequently, i started meeting other women, and actually started to move on. shortly after, she started coming around. so i dropped the other women i was talking to and decided to give her the me that she was missing. since then, we've been in this holding pattern. she says it's because she's scared and that she doesn't know if she can trust me.

 

so now, i'm getting impatient and starting to think that it's never going to work out.

 

so we talked the other night and i told her that i don't think we should talk anymore. that the whole situation is killing me and that it's not fair to me. she said, "well if that's what you want, i can't stop you." that was preceeded by a bunch of questions asking who did i talk to that told me to give up and move on. no one did, i just made that decision myself. she follows that by saying that she was about to pack a bag and come hang out with me for the night, so i said, ok, come on over. everything went great but i still can't take it anymore. i feel like i deserve better than this.

 

If the roles were reversed i would have already taken her back and forgiven her. i'm a firm believer that you don't leave someone you love unless it's your only option and there's nothing left for you to build/work from.

 

So now i sit here and i want to call her but i don't. part of me wants to keep trying, part of me says, dude, to hell with her. i think it's time for me to let myself heal and move on but how do i do that?

 

for the last 7 years i have talked to her every day. almost every day. she's my best friend or at least my closest. i don't want her gone i just don't want to feel like this anymore. it hurts too much. i really don't want to start all over again.

 

i think i'm just going to drink myself into a coma...

 

side note:

she just texted me. it said "i hate life", she never talks like that and it makes me want to call her because i care about her and i want to know what's wrong.

 

There's no trust....it's not going to work. Sorry to tell you that but it's true. It'll be a constant battle to try to get it back and you may still never get it back.

 

A bit off the main subject here.....the woman you dumped when your ex came back into the picture. I can see her posting here on LS wondering what became of this guy who seemed interested in her and then disappeared. We need to realize what effect our actions are having on others lives.