alpha70 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I slid into this relationship even though there were red flags abound. She has a ton of male issues, but stayed in the relationship because I was VERY attracted to her and we bonded well in bed. I had the attraction part down and really worked hard to try and help her with her issues. This of course wouldn't work and I knew that, but sometimes we just stay in relationships because they are comfortable even though you know you are always climbing a steep hill. Anyone else stay in a relationship for the same reasons or am I the only "shallow" person in here? ; - ) Link to post Share on other sites
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 i never left the R - still haven't - and even if i don't see her for 70 years its the same thing what i learned to do is calm the overwhelming feelings she gave me - i can now enjoy them as they are intended example - after making love i would talk with her about it all - and she would listen - i don't need that now because she connected inside me in ways that literally changed who i am - i was stunned at first and would praise her magical qualities and she found that annoying - lol i have learned that Rs need constant monitoring and tweeking and adjustments - you can't fall alseeep at the wheel - i learned so much from her and she thinks that makes me co-dependant when it only makes me a better man Link to post Share on other sites
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 Anyone get intoxicated by the sex? i don't believe we ever just had sex - it was always love making - big difference - we could do both if we wanted to but one is miles better than the other and making love doesn't start in the bedroom - it starts with a morning kiss, a wake up coffee and muffin and a goodbye i love u as she heads off to work :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 ...and making love doesn't start in the bedroom - it starts with a morning kiss, a wake up coffee and muffin and a goodbye i love u as she heads off to work It's all part-and-parcel of romancing your partner daily. It's that which keeps the love and the sensuality alive and vibrant. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I slid into this relationship even though there were red flags abound. She has a ton of male issues, but stayed in the relationship because I was VERY attracted to her and we bonded well in bed. I had the attraction part down and really worked hard to try and help her with her issues. This of course wouldn't work and I knew that, but sometimes we just stay in relationships because they are comfortable even though you know you are always climbing a steep hill. Anyone else stay in a relationship for the same reasons or am I the only "shallow" person in here? ; - ) I don't see this as being shallow but as being 'desperate'... if you stay in a relationship because you are attracted to her but not really happy... then this is 'emotional dependance' not being comfortable. HUGE difference. That's what I get from your post... you're not happy where you are but you don't want to leave her cause you are attracted to her... hummm... strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alpha70 Posted August 26, 2007 Author Share Posted August 26, 2007 Yes, I agree with you all. I guess when one person is the "giver" in the relationship and the other is a taker, things become one sided. Both people need to initiate sex, not just one person all the time. A person also shouldn't have to ASK for something that they particular like...the partner should know that the other loves this and want to please them...at least my opinion. Women who "use" sex as a tactic to get things or withhold things are not being respectful in the relationship as well. I guess it's another large area in which both people should be giving. My ex has had 3 men cheat on and there is ZERO excuse to cheat on someone, but her emotional selfishness combined with her lack of giving in bed might have lead up to this......men need to be aware of womens needs and women need to be aware of mens needs...both different but both equally as important. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 A relationship should never be driven solely by sex. If it is, it's not a relationship. Btw, don't just point the finger at her, you enable her behaviour by not demanding more emotional "giving" from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alpha70 Posted August 26, 2007 Author Share Posted August 26, 2007 You wrote- Btw, don't just point the finger at her, you enable her behaviour by not demanding more emotional "giving" from her. Oh..quite the contrary as I was the communicator in the relationship and tried everything I could to get her to open up, so this just isn't the case. I am finding out, as Lizzy mentioned, why I would stay in this relationship when clearly there were some issues. At the end it wasn't working and I should have just walked away, but I didn't. Why? Didn't want to lose someone who I let in, and was fearful that I wouldn't find that again. I'm a bit skewed towards physical attraction too much, so when I find that I have that part down in a relationship I tend to want to work on other things to make it all come together, but I knew there were too many issues and should have just let go about 1 month earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 You'll have to forgive me about being cynical but many men feel they're great communicators but never really communicate emotionally. Maybe you're one of the select few that are able to...who knows. Self-protection, ego and pride usually prevent people, not just men, from communicating effectively. If you want a great relationship, leave your ego and pride at that door. Also, never base a relationship solely on the physical. It's doomed because without other drivers keeping it going, it will fail in less than six months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alpha70 Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 Yeah, I was the one who was looking at things objectively and saying, "ok, well, that's something that I can work on. I didn't realize you felt that way or that is was that big of a deal to you." I would ask her in turn to try and do somethings for me that I would have like to have done, and she would look at me with a blank stare and NEVER acknowledge that she might need to work on some things too. You CANT move forward if the person never admits fault or can't say I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
zebrasan Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Don't apologize for putting emphasis on pyhsical attraction. Yes it's not the end all be all of relationships, but it's fairly significant. If you don't find your partner physically attractive, then your relationship will be only so so. I'm learning to go after the girls I'm attracted to and not settle for the ones that are just attracted to me. Because in the end it cheats both parties from a good relationship. Yes there are other important qualities that make a good relationship that I look for in my partner that aren't just physical. But the physical is important. In terms of staying in a relationship because the sex is good, totally understandable, especially if your young. For the most part, everybody is pretty bad in bed, men and women, when you find someone that you click with the lights go off. I've done it. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I was once in a relationship that was almost purely about sex. I ended it because we had nothing else in common, and she got a bit annoyingly unstable otherwise. Out of all the times I've finished a relationship, that is the only one I have any regrets about ending. I was judging her in terms of how good she was as a girlfriend, whereas I should have been thinking how good she was as a lover/mistress. IMO great sex is the most important part of any relationship with a woman. A great sexual relationship with nothing else good, is better than a great relationship with no sex (or crap infrequent sex). Those who say otherwise are either women, or guys who just haven't met a woman who is really hot & great in bed yet. Every single relationship I've seen where the guy is unhappy, the sex is the issue. I've never heard a guy friend complain about how things are with his gf/wife, and then say "but at least the sex is really good!". Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 A relationship should never be driven solely by sex. If it is, it's not a relationship. Sure it's a relationship - a sexual relationship. Two lovers having a fling, or an affair, or just being friends who f*ck. That's not the same as a married or cohabiting couple, or the typical girlfriend boyfriend who aspire to that, but it's a relationship in its own way. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Sure it's a relationship - a sexual relationship. Two lovers having a fling, or an affair, or just being friends who f*ck. That's not the same as a married or cohabiting couple, or the typical girlfriend boyfriend who aspire to that, but it's a relationship in its own way. Nah, it's just a fling or sexual relations. Link to post Share on other sites
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